This is a replay of a pre-recorded segment due to technical difficulties that stemmed from our technical supervisor being asleep on the jobMusic plays as the Socks News logo appears on the screen, the camera cuts to two reporters at their desk.John: Good afternoon and welcome to Socks News at 4, I'm John Jacobson here with co reporter Jacob Johnson.
Jacob: Yes hello and thank you for tuning in. Our top story this afternoon: An interview with the legendary Glorious Bob. On the field Robert Barin was able to get an interview with Mr. Bob, and we're excited to share it with you live, let's have a look:
The camera shifts over to the Old London sceneRobert: I'm here with the one and only Glorious Bob, how are you today sir?
Glorious Bob: Glorious Bob is well.
Robert: So there have been rumors that you've been having an affair to a lamp post despite being married to a park bench, is it true?
Glorious Bob: (
subtle edits): Indeed brother. Indeed. Glorious Bob loves his wife Benchy, but Glorious Bob did have relations with that lamp post. That lamp post is one majestic fellow. But Glorious Bob is also envious of sheep. Glorious Bob does not understand why so many people are not sheeping. Glorious Bob will return in Glorious Bob 2: Bound for Sheeping.
The camera shifts back to a somewhat disturbed John and JacobJohn: Well that was something.
Jacob: Yeah, I don't know why he didn't call it Glorious Bob 2: Electric Baagaloo.
John: Sources also say that they say Glorious Bob making a "list" of sorts, but now we're pretty sure what that list is about, so let's move on.
Jacob: According to player Gerrick, Old London is, as quoted, "Literal Hell." Now I don't know about you folks, but I'd definitely prefer the comfy nature of Old London compared to say...Chicago or Moscow, am I wrong?
John: No you're absolutely right, though I would have probably said Antarctica...way too cold there.
Jacob: Very true. Also on the news, an owl was seen entering the city of Old London...and I don't have to tell you how odd that is on its own since we don't normally have owls, but this one was seen dropping framed pictures. My two questions are: Where were they getting all these pictures, and why were they dropping them?
John: Did anyone get hit by these falling pictures in frames?
Jacob: actually yes, it was reported that a young women who was out with her children is actually in a coma after a framed picture of an owl saying "Yes" fell on her head.
John: Tragic. In other news, are post restrictions the new normal? Sources say that local postmen and postwomen have taken great lengths to not deliver mail, and will not do so unless their demands are met. However, they've yet to disclose what these demands are, so we may be seeing an increase of not getting our mail delivered on time. We've reached out to the local post office for comment, but they've yet to deliver a reply.
Jacob: The Nirvana concert that was hosted by the local spiritual group Lust 4 Love was unfortunately canceled due to riots breaking out over the lack of beverages that were provided. The group's popular Spirit Juice, which we're being told was juice Kool-Aid spiked with hallucinogens, sold out rather quickly and the attendees grew anxious as they began to tear things apart. Thankfully nobody in the band that was playing at the time was hurt, and the trouble makers have been taken into custody.
John: Speaking of spiritual things, are we on the verge of a religious war? There have been disturbing talks of burning heretics included acclaimed religious leader and questionable sheeping advocate Laurentus, mainly by anti-sheep extraordinary Dolby. Folks have been gearing up just in case things take a turn for the south, and we here at Socks News are no exception.
Shows off his gun, as Jacob does the same. Jacob: Wolves have been outed as actually being chickens, which have been discovered to actually be Seagulls. In one of the framed pictures dropped by our mysterious owl visitor, one in particular that caught the crowd's eye was a picture from that meme of the little girl pointing at a group of seagulls and saying "Look at all those chickens!" Although the word "Wolves" replaced the animal of choice in the picture, followed by an assortment of names. This seemed to spark debate from some who seemed to call them "geese" and to those folks, we shake our heads in disappointment for not knowing a truly classic video.
John: Finally, Actress Flora Michina has reported on being tired and needing her beauty sleep, not realizing that she's saying this while attending the Nirvana Concert riots. Sources say that she drank so much Spirit Juice that she was seeing sounds as color, and the sounds were so boring despite all the fighting that she actually laid down in the middle of all of the commotion and fell asleep.
Jacob: That’s all the time we have for now. Please join us for more news tonight at 11.
Music plays as the two reporters talk casually inaudibly as the screen fades to black.