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I've been thinking about this for a long time...there's so many labels to describe your sexuality, and I know they're necessary to describe who you are to other people easily, but I also wonder if the labels hinder our exploration of sexuality.

I think sexuality is fluidic and on a scale, so what if someone decides they're completely straight early on before they can explore themselves, and never explores their feelings for the same sex because of it? I've been intimate with guys that identify as straight, and I know there are a lot of guys on hookup apps or sites looking for cock/ass that identify as straight. Are they so attached to their label that they never really consider the possibility? Are they completely in denial even while they have feelings for or hookup with people with the same sex?

On the other hand, I used to have a friend and she would tell me about some of her gay friends that would have sex with her when they were drunk...likewise, I know at least one gay guy myself who has admitted he's slept with women while drunk. Same thing there...how do they reconcile their behaviour with their label? Without the label, wouldn't it be easier for them to admit to themselves that under some circumstances, rare as they may be, women can turn them on?

To be honest, I've considered adding a sexuality field to user profiles on here, but I never have because I want to encourage people to explore their sexuality and their feelings and the things that turn them on, not encourage people to adopt a label and close their minds to anything outside of it. Does that make sense? What do you guys think?

In my humble opinion I agree that labels can be helpful when describing yourself to others but also a hindrance to be truthful. When I tell my friends I'm Bisexual they just auto assume I am equally attracted to both, which is a lie. I prefer guys but I always leave myself open to the possibility of a girl eventually catching my fancy. Which even though I have only ever found guys sexually attractive I'm reluctant to say I'm gay, as they would then assume I can only find guys attractive.

Which is why people look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them a straight guy is hot. They always have to point out that the guy is straight and I'm just like "So? That doesn't stop people. LEAVE YOUR BUBBLE DAMN YOU!"

I do occasionally almost always flirt with straight guys because come on? Some of them are uber hot.

Labels are useful to find common ground and as a shorthand for explaining things, and I don't think it's the labels themselves that are the problem as much as the weights and meanings the people who use them tie to those labels, as well as how people tie themselves to those labels.

On the one hand, being able to apply a label to yourself can be incredibly liberating because you finally have a word for your experiences, as well as a community of people who share your experiences.

On the other hand, it is easy to fall into the trap of "I'm this, so I can't be that".

I've personally always been simultaneously open to possibilities while being secure in my identity, so I've never related to a label to that extent, but my friends who do often struggle with fitting in with the community they've found, even when they consciously know that maybe what they're doing isn't the truest to themselves.

People need to belong, and labels are one of the ways people make a way to belong through.

Labels have the power that you give them. However you identify is your own choice. And if someone misinterprets it just gently correct them. Your labels can only really hold you back if you let them. I'm not sure why everyone seems to be so obsessed over the idea of labels.

Back when I was first exploring my sexuality, I avoided labels like the plague, because I didn't want to be defined by it. And I stand by the fact that there's nothing wrong with not having a label.

But what I was was pansexual and I eased into the label of it. It helped me feel like I belonged. Unfortunately pansexuality is still a thing that's looked down upon by many queer and straight folk (bisexual who wants attention, only two genders, etc.), so I still worry about the reactions when I tell people.

I personally just adopted the label "gay" to make it easier to explain. Yes I am into people of my own gender and not of the opposite gender but I feel that the word carries a sort of connotation that makes people see you differently. There is this idea of a sort of gay culture that I don't subscribe to or let have any bearing on my life. Its just a word but people expect more, it leads to a lot of people being surprised when I tell them that I am because I don't fit their expectation. In the end I feel its something of a hindrance as it makes people predisposed to think of you a certain way, but also necessary, we're human, we need our nice boxes to fit things into.

Back when I was first exploring my sexuality, I avoided labels like the plague, because I didn't want to be defined by it. And I stand by the fact that there's nothing wrong with not having a label.

But what I was was pansexual and I eased into the label of it. It helped me feel like I belonged. Unfortunately pansexuality is still a thing that's looked down upon by many queer and straight folk (bisexual who wants attention, only two genders, etc.), so I still worry about the reactions when I tell people.

For what it's worth, if people could be really honest with themselves, I think most people would be closest to pansexual. It's funny how despite the way homosexuality was looked down on, gay people still look down on people who feel they're closer to other labels. It's worse when it's from a group that really ought to know better. =/

I personally just adopted the label "gay" to make it easier to explain. Yes I am into people of my own gender and not of the opposite gender but I feel that the word carries a sort of connotation that makes people see you differently. There is this idea of a sort of gay culture that I don't subscribe to or let have any bearing on my life. Its just a word but people expect more, it leads to a lot of people being surprised when I tell them that I am because I don't fit their expectation. In the end I feel its something of a hindrance as it makes people predisposed to think of you a certain way, but also necessary, we're human, we need our nice boxes to fit things into.

I'm curious...what do you think is wrong with gay culture that you don't subscribe to it?

I'm curious...what do you think is wrong with gay culture that you don't subscribe to it?

Honestly? Its very existence. I think that people thinking they are different and need to act like they are different from the general population because of their sexual orientation is ridiculous. Gay, bisexual, pansexual, ect people are not different from straight people except on the level of their sexual orientation, anything beyond that feels ludicrous to me. That's why I don't like gay culture, I feel it doesn't need to exist.

Honestly? Its very existence. I think that people thinking they are different and need to act like they are different from the general population because of their sexual orientation is ridiculous. Gay, bisexual, pansexual, ect people are not different from straight people except on the level of their sexual orientation, anything beyond that feels ludicrous to me. That's why I don't like gay culture, I feel it doesn't need to exist.

This is actually a debate that goes back to the very start of the gay rights movement, whether gay people are just normal people or 'an oppressed minority'. The latter group dreamed, built, and supported what we know as gay culture now (even dreaming up the gay pride parades long before society would allow it), and the former group just wanting equal rights and feeling a lot like you do about gays as a distinct people and culture.

In fairness, I agreed with you at one time, but as I've gotten older I've come to appreciate that we have a unique history and culture that helps bind us together, and a heritage that for the most part I think we can be proud of. Don't get me wrong, there's elements of gay culture that I'm meh about, but I think it's a net positive for LGBT people who need all the support they can find, including cultural. And at the end of the day, whether we're all that different or not, we're still going to be treated differently to some extent, even in this day and age...why not turn it into something to be proud of?

Ultimately, all people are more alike than less alike, but that doesn't mean we can't embrace what's different about us, too. =]

This is actually a debate that goes back to the very start of the gay rights movement, whether gay people are just normal people or 'an oppressed minority'. The latter group dreamed, built, and supported what we know as gay culture now (even dreaming up the gay pride parades long before society would allow it), and the former group just wanting equal rights and feeling a lot like you do about gays as a distinct people and culture.

In fairness, I agreed with you at one time, but as I've gotten older I've come to appreciate that we have a unique history and culture that helps bind us together, and a heritage that for the most part I think we can be proud of. Don't get me wrong, there's elements of gay culture that I'm meh about, but I think it's a net positive for LGBT people who need all the support they can find, including cultural. And at the end of the day, whether we're all that different or not, we're still going to be treated differently to some extent, even in this day and age...why not turn it into something to be proud of?

Ultimately, all people are more alike than less alike, but that doesn't mean we can't embrace what's different about us, too. =]

I guess where we differ is that I believe that there can be a day where gay people and straight people are treated exactly the same, where it is a non-issue, nobody cares about who you're attracted to. Its far, far away, but by building up this culture we are separating ourselves and encouraging people to see us differently because we've shown that WE see ourselves differently.

Then again I'm eternally a wide eyed idealist so...

It's funny how despite the way homosexuality was looked down on, gay people still look down on people who feel they're closer to other labels. It's worse when it's from a group that really ought to know better. =/

What you said here reminds me of similar issues of racism and disdain for others in the Asian American community—from the perspective of a Chinese American it's common to see people stereotype and look down upon FOBs, Koreans, Indians, blacks, whites, Mexicans, gays, etc.

I guess where we differ is that I believe that there can be a day where gay people and straight people are treated exactly the same, where it is a non-issue, nobody cares about who you're attracted to. Its far, far away, but by building up this culture we are separating ourselves and encouraging people to see us differently because we've shown that WE see ourselves differently.

Then again I'm eternally a wide eyed idealist so...

I guess for me, I'm hopeful for a future where differences are embraced and celebrated, not just glossed over. I think that when you learn about, understand, and embrace diversity, you build compassion for diverse people in the process while also encouraging people to embrace their own differences. I also want people to be treated the same, but I want them to be treated the same because everything about them has been embraced and accepted, not because one previously problematic aspect about them has been glossed over by society.

Does that make sense?

What you said here reminds me of similar issues of racism and disdain for others in the Asian American community—from the perspective of a Chinese American it's common to see people stereotype and look down upon FOBs, Koreans, Indians, blacks, whites, Mexicans, gays, etc.

Also, there'll be different varieties that hate each other for some reason. :P

I'm glad we are gaining acceptance in the world but here's the thing. There's a price. In a lot of circles there's an unspoken limit on how queer one can be before they get shunned, in an effort to make the lgbt community more palatable to those around us. And I'm not down for that. Outside of the people we love and make love to we have such a vibrant community that is willing to embrace the oddities and eccentric. But now you have people suddenly claiming, "I'm not one of those gays." We're policing our own community in exchange for acceptance and I think that's an issue.

Well this is something I can talk about,

In my life I'd say Hinderance because IRL only 3 people know I'm bisexual as a Label people know I like guys but would never tell me that they know I'm bisexual some think I'm gay (which is understandable)

Online I try not to hide it some people I do hate myself for it but if I know they won't like the idea of me being bisexual I won't tell them. but I'd say online labels can help for people to explain what they like and are. I understand that some people don't know what label to use (I'm one of those people)

I guess where we differ is that I believe that there can be a day where gay people and straight people are treated exactly the same, where it is a non-issue, nobody cares about who you're attracted to. Its far, far away, but by building up this culture we are separating ourselves and encouraging people to see us differently because we've shown that WE see ourselves differently.

Then again I'm eternally a wide eyed idealist so...

I guess for me, I'm hopeful for a future where differences are embraced and celebrated, not just glossed over. I think that when you learn about, understand, and embrace diversity, you build compassion for diverse people in the process while also encouraging people to embrace their own differences. I also want people to be treated the same, but I want them to be treated the same because everything about them has been embraced and accepted, not because one previously problematic aspect about them has been glossed over by society.

Does that make sense?

What you said here reminds me of similar issues of racism and disdain for others in the Asian American community—from the perspective of a Chinese American it's common to see people stereotype and look down upon FOBs, Koreans, Indians, blacks, whites, Mexicans, gays, etc.

Also, there'll be different varieties that hate each other for some reason. :P

I believe that a future where differences are embraced and celebrated is realistically the only type of future where a lot of the problems society generally has with non-homogeneity will be resolved.

I run into the effects of so-called "color-blindness" all. The. Time. And I hate it sosososososososososo much because I'm very much mixed, and yet people regularly reduce my heritage down to a single label that they decided applied to me. And then they argue about how the label applies to me when I tell them it doesn't. I have to convince them that I know my own heritage better than they do.

It's ridiculous and exhausting, and I run into it everywhere, including in Asian communities, though in my experience, it's not as bad as in white or black communities. (I do have to be careful which aspect of my heritage I play up or down depending on the type of Asians I'm interacting with though because you don't want to be Japanese around Chinese or Koreans, or any other type of Asian around Japanese. And then for all the other types of Asian, I typically play up the very American mixed-European (non-British and non-Chinese) side of my heritage because I don't look like those other types of Asian.)

Meanwhile, white and black people regularly ask me "so what do they do in your country?" or "where are you from?" and I'm like, "... *sigh* What do you mean?" because they're usually asking "what do they do in China?" or "where in China are you from?" which drives me up walls because of all the types of Asian out there, Chinese is the one type I'm not mixed with. They never accept the simplest and truest answers of "I'm American" or "I'm from Pennsylvania". It's always, "okay, but like, what about your parents???"

At that point, I usually begin the long, sordid tale of how my my parents met in NYC after my father was discharged from the Navy after his fiancee cheated on him back in Montana, which was where he grew up even though most of his family actually lived in Oregon on the family farm that was settled after the trip along the Oregon Trail, of which some family members remained in various states along the way, with about half the family remaining on the old plantation back in Virginia, which went under after the slaves were freed, although even that beat being killed for being the wrong type of Christian nobility back in Alsace-Lorraine--oh yeah by the way I'm American enough to be related to George Washington, first President of the United States.

Like, as soon as I bring up that most of my family live on the West Coast, people interrupt to go like "Oh so they came in from Angel Island!" and I'm like, no. They didn't even pass through Ellis Island because the US didn't even exist yet.

I run into the same sort of attitudes and the exhausting necessity of arguing one's own identity in gay communities all the time as well. It's one of the reasons why I prefer identifying as queer rather than gay, because queer communities in my experience are more explicitly inclusive than gay communities, which tend to be more focused on acceptance by mainstream society than acceptance of differences.

Like, my very existence defies being placed into a tidy box, and I take pride in it because my cultural heritage is so incredibly rich and varied. And while I will use specific labels to build connections with others, because those labels stand for shared experiences, those labels are just a small aspect of my identity, and they do not singularly define me.

It would be nice if others recognized and accepted the mix of labels that apply to me in gestalt rather than individually.