Another day, and this time stuff outside of just sitting and talking happened. Nothing particularly exciting, but at least things happened!
And as promised, this chapter cuts back a bit on the self-referential jokes while still keeping it light.
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Chapter 3
Another day, and another scream to help wake up the sleeping villagers from their peaceful dreaming. It was a very loud, high pitched, and feminine scream coming from the direction of the brothel...the place where Flora was last seen by Father Priestly when he was in the form of the Seeress.
Coincidentally, Father Priestly was the first to wake from his bed. Sitting up, he quickly felt his upper chest, noting the lack of breasts that were once there. He let out a small sigh of relief at not being an elderly woman in her late 80s anymore, as he lifted his spritely 75 year old body out of bed. His eyes turned to his apprentice in the bed next to his, as Billy woke up shortly after.
“Father, is everything alright?” Billy asked, as Father Priestly nodded. “I think so my son, it seems like it’ll be peaceful day today.” Father Priestly replied, as Billy stepped out of bed. Walking over to the mirror, he was almost disappointed to see that his immensely handsome self with his striking blue eyes, flowing blond hair, chiseled chin and sculpted face and its lush lips were gone. In its place was his normal immensely handsome self with his striking green eyes and short brunette hair and lush lips on a beautifully sculpted face.
Refusing to be ignored, the same loud, high-pitched scream repeated itself near the same location, this time being acknowledged by the Father and Billy. They quickly changed out of their pajamas and made their way out of the church, heading toward the direction of the screams.
Laying against the brothel was the corpse of Flora, looking as if she was torn apart and re-sewn together with various objects that made her resemble the sickly dog from the floral arrangement that she had made previously. Standing near was the villager who had let out the scream – a tall, muscular, macho-looking and intimidating male villager.
“I was walkin’ by, gettin’ ready to pick some lovely daisies in that there forest when I walked by and found ‘er.” The villager spoke in a high-pitched, thick-accented womanly voice that contradicted his features completely. This didn’t seem to catch any of the villagers by surprise, however, seeing as how this was the village Chief that had given many speeches throughout the village.
Prentiss was the last to make her way up, leaving from what looked to be the village pub. “Wha? What's going on?” she asked as some of the villagers parted so she could see the corpse. “Wait, is that…?” She started, as her face began to well-up with tears. “Flora, no!” she screamed out as some of the villagers held her back.
“I’m so sorry Prentiss, I know how much she meant to you...” Priestly acknowledged, as he turned to the Chief. “Chief, I’d like to hold a Celebration of Life, if I may. I know it’s not entirely formal since we haven’t even buried the body, but with the attacks going on, I’d like to honor Flora now before we’re faced with the possibility of having to do this again tomorrow.” He then turned the crowd, and continued. “Of course, everyone is welcome to speak, but no flowers...please. If anything, I’d like to create a new foundation in Flora’s name. I’d like to call it the Cruelty Against Werewolves foundation, and donations are always welcome.”
One of the younger male villagers raised his hand. “Shouldn’t it be the Anti-Werewolf Foundation, or the Families Against Werewolves Foundation or something like that? Cruelty Against Werewolves sounds as if we actually sympathize with the thing that’s killing our people.”
As if not hearing him, Priestly continued. “Dearly beloved, we gather here today to say our final goodbyes to one of our village greats. Florabelle was the village beauty and had impeccable...yet admittedly odd taste when it came to her passion of making floral arrangements. But unusual as she could be, she equally had a passion for justice, just desserts, and the occasional dessert...but who among us wasn’t passionate about those things? We honor this woman and her memories, as well as her life that was tragically cut short by a vicious monster. Oh father, we ask that you strike fear into the hearts of the scum amongst us, who would do such harm to such an amazing woman. Know this, monsters, we are coming for you! By my last breath, your very souls will be vanquished from this land, back to the hell from whence you came!” Priestly stated as a single tear rushed down his cheek. He stepped away from the conveniently placed podium, as Surly Sue was the next to approach.
“Uh... Uh... She was a good lady, or something.” Surly Sue said simply as she stepped away from the podium, back to leaning against the wall of the brothel. “That's all you have to say? I find your lack of compassion disturbing...” Father Priestly noted as Surly Sue was filing her nails. “Sorry, but I am choked after what happened last night. I should add that I was crying all the way to and from the podium.” She said simply as the villagers looked at each other. Crying? They seemed to recall her looking as if she was bored out of her mind and saying something out of obligation.
Father Priestly, however, seemed like he had bought it. “I'm sorry I lashed out like that, Sue. Grief makes me irrational sometimes. I shouldn't pass judgment on the way anyone else grieves.” he said apologetically as Surly Sue simply waved her hand in a “whatever, it’s cool” fashion.
“Though I didn't know the victim well, I was always told how much of a generous soul she was. We most definitely are less without Florabelle.” Billy said next, as the some of the villagers couldn’t help but quietly scoff at the idea. Sure, the village was a little less now without its beauty, but that was only because now they’d have to find someone else they could call the “village beauty.” But generous? Unless Billy had been asleep under a rock, she surely wasn’t that. In fact, many had recalled the time that a traveler had stumbled into the village in desperate need of a hospital after he had fallen off the mountain. Rather than taking him to the doctor, however, Flora simply talked his ear off about her boy troubles. The traveler died during her conversation and was taken and buried in the cemetery by one of the other villagers (Flora had thought he was just being rude to get out of talking to her). On top of all that, she had taken the flowers from his grave to finish off her floral arrangement of a sad clown that she was working on.
After some more speeches, one of the unnamed villagers looked around the crowd. “So...I get that we’re honoring someone who died, but shouldn’t we be figuring out how to protect ourselves so that we’re not next?” he asked as the other villagers mumbled in agreement.
“He’s right. We should gather again somewhere and figure out which one of us is the bad guy.” Priestly said, as Smithy walked up and turned to him. “But where should we go this time?” he asked, as Billy replied back. “I think we should go somewhere quiet, like the village library.” he stated, as Prentiss shook her head in disagreement. “No, we should go to the Hootah building, it’s what Flora would have wanted for us.” she replied as some of the others nodded in agreement. Billy sighed, knowing he wouldn’t win this argument. “Fine, Hootah’s it is.” he said simply, wondering if it was really appropriate for Baldwin to be joining them in such a sordid place.
Despite it being a solemn day, Hootah was busy as it normally was. Some of the other village beauties, both men and women alike, were dancing among their poles half-naked for their eager customers. Prentiss picked the spot for the group: a booth away from the action, but still loud because of the music playing throughout thanks to the band behind the stage.
The group ordered a round of the village’s newest delicacy: strips of potato with unique seasoning and coated in a unique, thick sauce made from tomatoes (the inventor called them “Fries” and “Ketchup”). Baldwin was given a smaller portion for himself, as Priestly took a bite of his fry and decided to speak.
“Well, I think we should just get right down to it. I think Surly Sue did it.” Priestly said simply as Surly Sue (who was distracted watching one of the performers) heard her name and quickly looked at her accuser. “Wait, what?” She questioned, as Priestly looked unsure. “I’m sorry, I just really want someone to pay for Flora.” he replied. “How about lynching Flora’s dead body, in memory of him?” Surly Sue asked as everything suddenly went quiet, everyone in Hootah turning to her in surprise. “Sorry, it was a bad joke, I guess.”
“This is fun.” Tiny said simply as he ate some more of the fries. “Fun? Fun?! A woman is dead, have you no heart?!” Priestly shouted as Billy turned to him. “Father, I’ve never seen you so...reasonably logic like this. Have you had a drink today?” he asked as Priestly shook his head. “I haven’t had one since last night.” he replied as everything suddenly went quiet again, everyone in Hootah now turning to him in surprise. “Good god man, have you no shame?! Please do everyone a favor and have a drink!” Smithy pleaded as Priestly turned his head away from a drink being offered to him. “No! I mustn’t!” he said simply as Baldwin started crying. “For goodness sake, please Father! Do it for Flora!” Smithy pleaded once more.
Ignoring them and taking a drink of water, Priestly turned to Prentiss. “You know, Prentiss has been awfully quiet since we got here. I’m starting to think she’s forgotten English to pick up a new language...like Wolfenese!” he shouted as he pointed an accusatory finger her way. “Now that sounds like the Father we all know and love.” Smithy stated, as Billy quickly hid something in his hand. “Yes, I may have spiked the father’s drink so he could be back to his old self.” he explained as Tiny sighed with relief. “Thank goodness, I worry about him when he’s all sober and logical like that.” he said gratefully as the others nodded in agreement.
“I was actually starting to worry that the Father was projecting for a moment. I almost started to believe that he was the one who murdered dear Flora.” Billy stated as Prentiss wasn’t buying it. “Who’s to say he wasn’t the one?” she asked, as the father drunkenly replied. “Guys! Flora and I were lovers, why would I kill her?” He asked as he took a drink of ale that he had ordered after he’d accused Prentiss. “Moreover, if I was trying to pass suspicion off on Flora, why would I kill her? Pretty hard for people to believe a dead woman (rest her soul) is the Werewolf, wouldn't you say?” she continued, as Billy sighed. “Why must you insist on being so logical even in your drunken state?!”
“And we are already quarreling amongst ourselves. We’re doomed.” Smithy sighed as he decided it was time for him to have some drinks of his own. “And how would you know?” Tiny asked in an accusing tone with an equally accusatory stare.
“Tiny has been suspiciously quiet for most of this. Plus his lack of hair is unsettling.” Priestly stated in between belches as he passed out for a moment at the table. “Yeah! Not having hair is unsettling! We should kill everyone without hair!” Surly Sue stated in an equally drunken state, as the others couldn’t help but look at her with unsure expressions.
“I’m sorry I’ve been quiet, I’ve been writing some letters to my pen-pal over in the far-off village of Retronia. But perhaps this wig will convince you to spare my life?” Tiny asked as he pulled out and put on a blonde wig that made him look rather dashing. Surly Sue seemed convinced, almost to the point that she seemed ready to get down and dirty with him.
“Your actions speak loudly, however it is not my place to determine your fate. Simply know that whatever happens, I firmly advocate no killing.” Father Priestly mumbled as he woke up for a moment before passing out again. Billy looked at his drunken master as he sighed. “I, too, am hip with the nonviolence. I think we should wait and see how things progress again.” he replied, much to the chagrin of the other occupants in the building (who had all went quiet and watched the group with eager anticipation of their choice).
“I agree we the non-killing.” Surly Sue stated as she herself also passed out from the drinks. Baldwin and Tiny, not knowing what to make of anything that was happening, simply nodded their heads in agreement with the others. Knowing that the others were firm in their decision, Prentiss and Smithy grudgingly went along with the group’s decision.
Despite the death of a prominent figure of the village, it seemed that once again, things would play out naturally. As Prentiss was about to grab the last fry, the sky suddenly went dark as the moon lit the sky once more. Before anyone had known it, the nameless villagers were suddenly in bed asleep, while the group was this time scattered throughout the village. It seemed that it was time for the real show to begin once again.