Post #99678
June 26, 2017, 05:44:43 PM
I suppose I should post here... I originally came here while I was in the Hogwarts region for a Werewolf game, that was about a year ago and my memory is so bad I forget all the details of it, but I remembered this place and noted the LGBT tag which drew me back here. I don't want to make this about me, so probably better if nobody replies to this, but let me tell you why finding a place to be accepted is important to me.
I am bisexual. I think I knew around middle school or early high school, it's somewhat of a grey area because I was considered to be "confused" at first and even I didn't know that bi was valid back then.
Unfortunately I also didn't know about the stigma back then. I was known as a slut at school. I wasn't. And I hate that word now. But that's what they called me. I gave it no thought, it didn't bother me at first. Maybe it should have, maybe I should have denied it earlier? I wasn't very aware back then. I may have been perceived as fitting the "dumb blonde" stereotype despite not having the right hair color for it. It got bad though. That's all I was to them. Then it got worse, I still think that because of who I was, and because of my reputation, that's why a guy I thought I could trust raped me. Skipping some parts I don't especially want to talk about right now; it's because to them bisexual girl = slut, I knew nobody would believe me, and the reputation got worse. I felt alone. I couldn't talk to anyone, even though I needed to. Living in a conservative area that I knew wanted to "fix" me, I couldn't go to the community, and I couldn't go to anyone at school. I was even too afraid to talk to family, because I didn't want them to know what everyone at school thought of me, and they didn't know back then that I'm bisexual. I have a feeling they secretly know but won't force me to talk about it, either way I have nobody around here I can talk to. It hurt so much back then being alone, I even blamed myself, I thought things like maybe if I just chose one way or hid it better or something, this wouldn't have happened to me. So for a long time I denied it. I went far away to college on purpose, where I passed as heterosexual, I didn't fall for any of my roommates so it wasn't too hard. I never talked about bisexuality, rape, or my false reputation as a slut back then. Didn't help me feel better though. It felt fake. Even though I had a fear of men for awhile, and may still have a little of that fear, that didn't change my sexuality.
About 2-3 years ago I started trying to change. Being more open. Trying to heal. Trying to find people I don't have to hide things from.
Perhaps this can be one of those places. We don't have to talk about bisexuality, I think I'll just feel a little better being able to say that I am bi around people who get it, and won't judge me for it, and won't call me a slut or dismiss me as one. I still have a lot of issues but I'm trying to get better and I think finding a place where I can be accepted will help.