I'm not going to mince words here.
On the one hand, I really want to go back to being the person who tries to help you, because I absolutely hate being the opposite. I don't like being the person that gives someone the cold shoulder, and I try to value everyone enough to be able to give them chances if things don't the right way or mistakes are made. There are many times that I truly feel bad for you when shit happens in your life, or when people do genuinely say things to you that are downright rude or insulting...and I've had talks with those people still on occasion despite the wedge between us.
However, I'd rather cut off that hand at this point, Gov, because I feel like that bridge has long since been burned and there's little to no hope of rebuilding it between us until you've genuinely gone out and gotten some professional help and gotten yourself squared away.
Your behavior at this point in time is one big scary roller coaster ride, and one that I don't care to ride again. You have your days where you can be pleasant to talk to, and then you have days where you're either downright insulting, harassing, or just overall intolerable to be around to where I want to rip my hair out and scream at you because of how you come off.
I'll be honest...I lost practically the rest of any respect I had for you after the Sci ordeal. I don't care that you were his mentor, and that's great that you feel that kind of connection to him...but being someone's mentor doesn't trump the well-being of anyone that was
actually involved. There's a time for being curious, and there's a time for being decent in respect for those people. When you go out seeking information to a subject not related to you that could harm the confidentiality of anyone in the room who could have been part of it (not to mention, talking about it publicly in the chat)...that's just flat out rude and insulting. What if they were right there in the chat when you were talking about it? It's shit like that that makes people not want to be here...if they can't feel safe because you're prodding for information. Do you
really want someone to leave the region because they don't feel like they can be safe here?
When I kept telling you to drop the subject and stop talking about it, and said something to Barnes in the chat when it was brought up...I wasn't trying to be a dick and get people to not talk about it for the lulz. I was trying to be respectful for those in the room. Barnes understood it, which was why he apologized. Hell, it wasn't even a "Stop talking about it." Or something like that...it was a fucking slap. But it's called being tactful, and I wasn't trying to suppress your right to speak...I was suppressing your non-right to break potential confidentiality, as is both expected from everyone, and
was asked by Wintermoot.
I put you on ignore because you wouldn't leave it alone, and talking with you is like a brick wall. I've made criticisms, suggestions, and have genuinely really tried to help you out despite my feelings towards you (see the entire chat plus me trying to help you out on days you've been really depressed)...and every time I've been met with either long drawn out arguments, casual dislikes on forum posts, or just plain being ignored on the subject despite you having a severe beef with people who you feel ignore you.
It's really become a one way road. We made a promise after my revocation attempt that we would both work better and try to be friends. I literally fought for you and told people to not talk bad about you (you can ask Chanku, whom I've told more often than not), and tried my damndest to be nice to you. I talked pleasantly to you in chat/forums, and tried to work things out with you. But that whole fucking ordeal just showed me that no matter what...all I have to do is say one thing to you, and you go apeshit. You went apeshit when I ignored you (oh yes, I heard all about it and saw the logs), you go apeshit on people who don't respond to you right away (see anything related to the topic you were mentioning in your statement), and I'm just done with it.
I have always grown up being direct with others, and expecting people to adapt, if not find some middle ground.
This right there is your biggest problem that needs to be worked on. There's a time for expecting people to adapt to your standards, and then there's a time that YOU have to be the one doing the adapting. People are going to ignore you for multitudes of reasons. It's not always a way of insulting you...sometimes someone just is choosing to say nothing because it's less insulting than what they really want to say to you. No matter how much you want it, it's not going to change, and people are either going to be even LESS likely to speak to you, or they're going to lash out at you if you push at them to get an answer out of them. Again, wanting it to change isn't going to make it change anytime soon. YOU need to learn to adapt to the fact that being ignored =/= them trying to insult you, and you need to accept the fact that it's going to happen.
The way you've sought middle ground is what has hurt the members here in the way that it has. You've insulted people calling them passive-aggressive. You tell people that they overreact when they say something you disagree with or they don't respond to you (Hell, you even said it about Hannah right there in your statement). You villanize them by telling people in the chat that "such and such doesn't care about me/my feelings," even if that may not even be close to the case. You aggressively ask, and ask, and ask, and ask and query, and ping, and query, and ping (at least in IRC) when someone doesn't answer right away or chooses not to answer you, and drag it on a daily basis until you get an answer out of them. Again, there's better ways to seek a middle ground (a single PM or query saying "Hey, I'd like your opinion on such and such, and would really appreciate it if you responded to me about it")...and then there's learning that you're not going to get anywhere and moving on (for example, leaving the PM/query alone if they don't respond to it). It's not the end of the world if someone chooses not to speak with you, as there are others at there that may choose to. But for some reason, you've never been able to comprehend that, or willfully choose not to comprehend that...I haven't quite figured out which.
But again, I'm just done with it, personally. Others are welcome to jump in and try to be the mediator or be the person that speaks up on your behalf...but I refuse that role. Don't get me wrong...if things are being said against you that are completely in the wrong, I'll still stand up for you since there's shit I don't tolerate being said about people, regardless of who they are (IE, I absolutely won't accept a PnG since as intolerable as I feel you can be, you're not a criminal who should be cast out). But I'm not going to otherwise be a voice in your corner anymore.
So I appreciate the olive branch, but I unfortunately won't accept it at this time because I don't want to ride that roller coaster anymore.