Post #90328
December 31, 2016, 12:39:51 PM
Hey everyone. It is currently 1 o'clock in the morning on the first of January where I am, and I have things on my mind.
A bit over five years back, I had pretty much zero social life. I was terrified of going out, I had no faith in my capacity to keep friendships for more than a year, and I shared no interests with the people around me. I was a teacher's pet, goody-good, and was just plain-old bad at people.
Since I never went out, my parents tried to organise things to ensure I did go out. Five years back, my mother got me to join this thing called St John Youth. Where I am, St John run our ambulances, and the youth group basically helps raise funds for them and teaches stuff about first aid. That was basically the first place where I actually connected with people. I could have stupid chats, I wasn't as terrified of saying the "wrong" thing, and it didn't matter if I did.
At the beginning of 2016, I hit the upper age limit of the group. The only way to stick around at my age was to take on more leadership roles, and I didn't want to do that. Children are scary. So, I left, feeling proud that I could hold a conversation with people I knew.
In around about the middle of 2016, I bumped into Nationstates. It was fun, answering issues, trying to work out the flow on effects of things. Then I spent time looking through telegrams and ended up picking Wintreath because it had spam games and an interesting greeting. I lurked for a bit, lurked for a lot, and then slowly started poking around in the Dumping Grounds. Then I tried out the Community Chat.
A few months ago, I noticed something. In university tutorials, when sitting and waiting for exam rooms to open, when I get lost or want advice... I'm talking to people. I'm initiating conversations. Not just with people I know, but just in general. I can talk. I can communicate without writing paragraphs and stringing together sentences. I had not been able to do that before. Not earlier in the year, not during the previous five years -- only relatively recently.
Sure, there may have been other factors that helped out, but I highly doubt it. Talking with you guys, even with just little one-word posts at a time, made me less terrified of being judged by complete strangers. Well, that isn't quite right. I still get terrified, but I'm less likely to freeze up and look at my feet.
So after about 40 minutes of typing, I wrote all of this. All of this is a rather roundabout way of saying thanks.
Thank you for making me braver. Happy new year.
