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Just going to mirror what everyone else has said here, Mootles - you're a pretty great guy The thing with humanity is everyone's got different tastes and interests, and what pleases some equally pisses off others. There's no middle ground that'll keep everyone happy, no way of being all things to all men to butcher an old phrase. The only way to live is to be happy in who you are.

That's not to say you should disregard what other people feel about you, not at all. What it does mean is that when someone makes a derogatory comment, cut out all the shit bits and work out what their actual concern is. There's no harm in changing who you are based on valid feedback, but there IS harm in hearing negative comments and stressing out over them to the nth degree. You're a great person, you've created a great community full of great people, and to do that there's gotta be something in that mystical head of yours which people like.

So take a step back, take some deep breaths, and remember: you're alive. You. Right now, it's you reading this. You're here, you're conscious, you exist, you're aware. It could've been someone else, or you might not have been here at all, but you are, and that's pretty fucking awesome. Make the most of what you have, push yourself to be more by all means, but be happy in the knowledge that we're all damn glad you're who you are

Thanks for all the wonderful things you said! I've been thinking a lot over the past few days, and I've come to realize that it's not necessarily that I'm unhappy with myself, just with the situation I find myself in. After some stuff happened a few years ago, I guess I started isolating myself and not opening up to people or expressing myself the way that I used to. In some ways I became more reserved, less vulnerable, better able to appear calm and collected...but it's had an affect on my relationships with people, like I said before...I've become a less personable person, and because of that I don't have the deep, close, personal, satisfying friendships that I once had.

And when you don't have many close friends to hold you up, sometimes it's hard not to dwell over things when someone says something particularly hurtful, even in situations when they may not have meant to be hurtful. You can't help but look at how things have changed and wonder if it's you and the way you act and the way you are. I'm not really cut out to be that sort of reserved, isolated sort of leader, it seems.

But even in the absence of such close friendships...something I hope to change in time, when I return to IRC and try to forge closer friendships with people...it's so great to know and occassionally be reminded that there are people like you who are "damn glad" of who I am.

A very dear friend of mine died this morning.

I'm so sorry that you've lost such a close friend...how are you holding up?

A very dear friend of mine died this morning.

I'm sorry, how are you feeling?

These past few weeks have been bloody awful ;-;

It sucks when i look into this thread and i read about all your guy's troubles. I really like all of you and consider all of you friends even those who i havent talked to much yet. One way i choose to see it though is that even though some of you are feeling down or having a bad time because of some outside reason i think its good that you can share it here and we can support each other right? I hope things get better for all of you guys and remember that we are all here for you because what is the wintreath if not family? the land of eternal winter where weirdos unite.

anyway sorry for the random words it came out longer than than i thought it would but once i got going it felt right. I sincerely hope all of you feel better and get past whatever it is you're going through. Have a nice day everyone!

I swear I must be fucked in the head.

A few days per week for the past 2-3 weeks, at around 10-11PM I've been getting these really, really mild, bog-standard, "oh no my temples are being squeezed" tension-type headaches, with a tiny, tiny bit of pain around my sinuses. I cannot overstate how mild they are. I don't even think I'd classify what I feel as "pain", it's just annoying, as if the weakest being in the universe was trying its hardest to crush my head with pincers. They've always been like that and don't look like they're getting worse.

What is more likely to be the cause?

How about the probable allergies or mild sinusitis I've been dealing with since the exact time when these headaches started? Or my terrible, truly, exceedingly awful posture when sitting in my chair? Or eyestrain due to the fact I've been using a computer for at least 12 hours per day with the only light in my room being that which comes out of the monitor, and that for the past year, every single day? Or the stress I've been accumulating lately due to not knowing what the Hell I'll do with my life? My eyesight going down and my glasses just being out of sync? Or just anxiety, which seems to be at the root of 99% of my latest problems? Hell, toothache or the fact that I grind my teeth and/or tense my jaw all the time due to the aforementioned stress?

What do I instantly jump on as the cause of this not even painful, just annoying sensation?

A brain tumour.

The worst part is that despite my knowing how incredibly illogical my thinking has become, it just doesn't help. An estimated 55,000 Canadians are walking about with a brain tumour. You know, out of 36 million of us, and that's counting the benign ones to boot. I might as well win the lottery, especially at my age. I have no other symptoms, just the incredibly mild headache. I know how ridiculous I'm being. It doesn't help.

The hamster in my head needs to focus less on my inevitable mortality (unless I live long enough to have my consciousness downloaded in a server) and more on how to make the most of the 55-65 years I have left. In other words, I need something to do, and quick, before my idle brain conjures some other dumb shit to keep itself occupied.

I think to some extent that everyone does that...the last time I had issues with stomach ulcers, I was worried the whole time that I had stomach cancer.

Given that you started having allergy issues at around the same time, it's probably that, especially given that the sinuses go up into the head cavity. I would try not to worry too much

Double-post!

One good thing that's come of my IRC sabbatical is a PM exchange with @Wuufu, a good friend who I rarely get to talk to on IRC because of conflicting schedules. It's been years since I've extensively exchanged PMs with anyone, but it's been really nice, and it's helped a lot to make me feel less isolated, in spite of not even being on IRC. I hope we can continue this exchange even though I'm back on IRC, and I hope the opportunity to have conversations with more people comes up.

I think to some extent that everyone does that...the last time I had issues with stomach ulcers, I was worried the whole time that I had stomach cancer.

Given that you started having allergy issues at around the same time, it's probably that, especially given that the sinuses go up into the head cavity. I would try not to worry too much

To some extent, yes. But I'd estimate that about 1/3 of my days are spent dwelling over cancers, viruses and infections that I most assuredly do not have. That's not a life. What I had before that wasn't great but it was highly preferable to this bullshit. I swear to God I'm more likely to die by my own hand because this stupid obsession is ruining my life than anything my hamster can think of on his wheel of death.

The shittiest thing about all of this is that the ridiculous anxiety levels caused by this are screwing my body over and just reinforcing all of it. I can eat fine for a week then have indigestion or heartburn the next few days, then I'll eat fine again. I'll be constipated for a few days then suddenly I'm as regular as Swiss clockwork, only for my bowels to stop working randomly after another few days. I've had shooting pains everywhere in my body - you name it, it's hurt at least once, and that especially sucks when it's around the place a heart attack would hurt. When I go to sleep I'll have a restless leg one day, nothing the next, then afterwards maybe a few hypnic jerks that scare the shit out of me. The quality of my sleep has degraded to the point where there are some nights I swear I just lay in my bed with my eyes closed, but I'm missing some time so I must have slept a bit. It's just really shitty, shallow sleep.

I know what I'm anxious about and why the anxiety chooses to manifest itself in this way, but unfortunately, for now it's something I have no control over and merely knowing the whys and becauses does not make it stop. When it gets too overwhelming, my mom gives me a benzo, which really, really helps and gives me a few hours of peace and good sleep, but that's not a drug you want to become dependent on.

I've always been somewhat nervous but I didn't know it could be this bad. I've had a few panic attacks back when I smoked weed and I swear to God, save one which was fucking awful, they were nothing compared to this. They could be controlled and dismissed with some effort. This is just relentless, like most of my fucking life now is just one big panic attack.

My wife and I got our first tattoos yesterday. It's our first anniversary of marriage on Saturday (and our seventh of being in a relationship), and we wanted to celebrate by getting matching tattoos, but it turns out I'll probably be working Saturday, so we ended up doing it just then. The whole thing was pretty cheesy -- I got "Forever" in her handwriting, and she got "Always" in mine -- but I still like it. (I'm not good at coming up with words that have any real meaning, and "Always and Forever" was something we'd write in high school and had at our wedding (I know, real original), so that's what we went with.) If anything, it at least set a precedent so that I might get more tattoos in the future, with my first having the most significance. The good thing is that it's so small, it's pretty much already healed up.

Spoiler

hello all  its 2:00 am here and im really tired but have had no luck falling asleep. This sucks. anyway i feel like i can finally rest so im gonna give it a shot. goodnight everyone.

-Lord Gabriel Belmont

I have an exam tomorrow, so won't be around much today or tomorrow. Also got 2 next week; so won't be on around them either. Would have posted this in the absence thread but seeing as it is just a couple of days. Meh. 

I'm back baby...

Exams are done, projects are in, all my elections and campaigns are over and I've finally set up an Engineering Society at my Uni

Either way it's nice to be back' and with just work ya'll will be seeing an awful lot more of me

Welcome back, Hannah!

I've also been trying to dedicate more time to the region, especially at night and during breaks from work. I suppose I've been around, but I haven't been driving things to get done to advance the region the way that I should...that is changing, and hopefully good things will come of it soon.

My activity level is returning to normal... slowly but surely.  However, it appears that everyone right now is going through a period of inactivity, so I haven't missed much, right?   

You missed the region becoming a forsaken, desolate, empty place.