Could it be that you mostly just wanted things to happen with this friend, and you weren't really interested in dating him to begin with? Could it be that this issue has come to the forefront because someone better and more convenient has come along?
And before I offend you, let me say that I don't think you would intentionally get with some guy you weren't really interested in in order to justify things and then want to ditch him when something more convenient comes along. But I wonder if you would be self-aware of your intentions and motivations enough to know if that was what was really happening here. Either way, you got in a relationship that you shouldn't have (either because of this or because you hadn't spent enough time with him beforehand to know you didn't), and you both deserve to know exactly why that is. Do some soul-searching, and then tell him how you feel and why you think things got to where they did. If you have to do it by phone, video chat, or text, it's important that you tell him you're not really interested in him as soon as possible. Don't leave him hanging, thinking that you want him and that you guys are going to have something great together. The sooner he knows the truth, the better.
Actually, I didn't really plan or want anything to happen, and I was interested in the idea at first.
In reality, it's more the fact that the more I got to know him in those few moments we were together, the less I felt interested in him in that kind of way. Like, he's a good guy and sweet, but he's also a bit clingy, he's into a lot of things that I'm not into in the *ahem* sense (which, yes, I know that's usually open to compromise), and he talks about his ex (from a few months ago) enough to where I feel like I'm more or less the rebound guy.
And usually I am pretty aware of my intentions and motivations when I get with someone, yes. But I do offer the courtesy of letting them know what it is when we're getting together, because I'm usually also aware of the implications if I were to lead them into thinking it was something that it wasn't.
And no, you're not really saying anything that offends me, since you're only hearing what I'm saying, and not actually being here and knowing the full bit. So it really only makes sense to consider that it might be something other than what I feel like it is.
Hey Pengu,
I was typing something out but Moot got most of what I wanted to say in before me, so I'll keep it brief.
I've been on the other side of the coin there, had a huge crush on a friend who thought she had a crush on me and all that. She broke it off after a while since she liked me much more as a friend. That felt really bad, but I am still friends with her to this day, when I get the chance to see her. The important point (and I know it was said above) is to let them know soon.
The longer it goes on the worse it can be, and in some ways letting someone know over a phonecall or text can be good, especially if they feel strongly about it, since it could be harder for them with you there in person. It does depend on the person and how they would react though.
Finally, how ever you let them know it has to be gentle, and you should explain yourself, you can start off by saying it's been something that's been really bothering you or that you really need to get off your chest.
I can't assure you it will be amicable, but I can tell you that the longer you wait the less likely it will be, cause things like this can't last.
That's my advice, I hope it's something at least, in the end though what happens will be all up to you, and I wish you luck.
Well that's good to know that you're still friends. Admittedly, most of the time I've broke it off with someone, it was amicable and we were still friends in some capacity.
Most of the time.
I've had the negative side as well, and since he's also a family friend, that's what I'm afraid of. I don't want it to turn really negative, and I don't want it to affect my dad and his dad's friendship.
In reality, I've also been waiting for him to break it off, since normally at this point the other person would usually just agree that this amount of non-contact wasn't working. But that's stupid on my part, I know, and his continued desire to hope for the best is pretty much the result of that.
Thankfully, I really don't know how to break it off with someone without trying to be at least somewhat considerate about it. Even if the relationship was bad, I'm usually still hesitant and try to break it off as nicely as I'm able to. So that at the very least shouldn't be an issue, I'm just more worried about the result.
