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I was reading Friday's edition of Chartr, specifically the portion on where couples met up in 1995 and in 2017. Obviously, the overall point was to show the growth of online dating, with the chart showing 40% of straight couples meeting up online. However, the article also mentioned that 65% (or almost 2/3) of same-sex couples meet online, an even higher percentage.

Then I thought about how important the internet is specific to the LGBTQ+ community even beyond online dating...it's not just where people find hookups and dates, it's where we express who we are in a manner we often can't offline. It's where we meet the vast majority of people like us, and it's where we can usually best talk about issues relevant to our community like we're doing here. It's no wonder we meet so many of our significant others online!

So I was curious, how has the internet shaped your sexuality and your interactions with the LGBTQ+ community? Was there a particular site or service that helped you explore or grow as a person, or just where you met good friends (or your SO if you're one of those 2/3rd people)? How important has the internet been for you as a member of the LGBTQ+ community?

For me the internet is where I really discovered I was gay. I'd spent my life growing up isolated from any discussion on sexuality straight or gay. It was something my mom took great pains to keep me away from. Mind you, when I started investigating it I always had a justification. It's just interesting as a taboo thing(being gay was still pretty ostracizing back then) and I was interested in the mindset behind it. Now, too be fair I won't discuss anything too deeply because my intro to queer stuff was porn and this is an sfw area. But if I hadn't had that shitty dial up connection and really shit quality pic dump websites I might still be in deep denial and in the closet.

Being someone who has spent a lot of his life online, it's not surprising that most the experiences that defined my sexuality were online as well.

My first real crush on a guy was someone I met online when I was 17. It was actually my then online girlfriend's best friend's friend. We'd have group chats together, and at some point he started messaging me alone. Then he started flirting with me, telling me I should practice things on him so I'd be better for my girlfriend. We never actually did anything, but I realized that I kinda liked the flirting, and I thought he was a really awesome guy. I'd talk him up with my other friends, to the point that they realized I was into him and told me. I was like...huh, I guess so. I was naive back then I didn't even know liking guys like that was a thing, lol.

Fast forward a decade later, and some of my friends thought it'd be a good idea if I checked out some gay communities, cause up to that point I'd rarely interacted with other gay people (I identified as gay at the time), so I ended up at gaygamer.net (defunct now). It was an...interesting experience, lol. It was the sort of website that had a public "post a picture of yourself in your underwear" topic, and I heard that most of the real-life meetups ended up turning into orgies. I spent a few months there and made a few friends, but I never felt like I fit in (surprising, right?), so when there was a community schism I left with a portion of the community to a new site called gay-nerds.com (which I think is still up but no longer has a community portion). That was my first experience with an exclusive NSFW area, although I wasn't the sort of guy most of them were into (again surprising, right?). I made a few friends there (especially Daxev, which you guys may remember from Wintreath's early years), but again I never felt like I belonged so I eventually got bored and left. Actually, now that I remember, the entire popular clique on that website ended up moving into the owner's apartment and living together...like 5 or 6 guys.

Actually, Wintreath itself may be the first time I felt like I fit in with a group of people in the LGBTQ community...I don't now if it's because we're a healthier and less dramatic/catty community, or if it's just because I'm the leader of it, or both, lol. But this is the first time I've met and known a lot of LGBTQ people in a community rather than just a few fellow people on the fringes. It's also where I've done a lot of exploring, going from identifying as gay to bi to pansexual to demisexual. So I suppose in terms of LGBTQ websites and interactions, it's Wintreath itself that has meant the most to me.

I've never really found a community so to speak online. Even on Wintreath I kinda keep to the margins. Don't know why but I'm always bugged by this nagging sensation I don't fit in. I was on Gay.com back when that was a thing but it was mostly just used to hook up.

I think I find it difficult to trust in the sincerity of people online and so I just kinda kick around the edges. And that's probably why none of the queer online community sites never appealed to me.

The internet has allowed me to look outside my sheltered Christian upbringing and find out things about myself I wouldn't be able to have discovered without its existence. My whole identity shifted when I was given the freedom to look outside my parents one sided worldview and into myself to discover my true identity as both trans and bi.

With that being said I avoid the larger LGBT community as a whole. Too many times have I seen the community that espouses acceptance and love become toxic and verbally combative to others in the very community over small petty differences. Like I legit was in a trans group that verbally assaulted a trans girl because she referred to herself as born male and not AMAB and like,  I don't really care which term you prefer this is a community that understands that we can be whatever we feel we are inside but they couldn't stand the thought that a young woman should be allowed to identify herself how she wanted to in regards to her birth? I for one still refer to myself as male when referring to my past pre coming out and I've been attacked and told I'm faking because of that... but why? I was in fact self identifying as male at that time now yes I know I was always female and the proof is all around but like that's how my identity has shifted past and present. 

Nate existed I do not wish to forget him, he was a part of me before Hapi.

So I appreciate everyone here by and large because I've mostly always felt accepted for who I am this is one of the few communities that labels itself as a safe space where I've almost always felt safe.

I have my concerns as far as Wintreath and acceptance go. But I've stated those in the past. And I do still feel that way. Which is probably why I still don't really feel like a real member of the community. But I enjoy most of my time on here. And it was helpful when I first joined and was a lot less sure of myself to find a community that was largely chill.