So I had shared the beginnings of this some time ago in the Chilly Bard Writing Center, as well as began posting some of the random lore some time ago.
Today, I decided to start re-working the story again, since I just can't get it out of my mind. I bought a notebook yesterday with the intention of starting to write again, and without thinking I found myself re-writing the prologue of this story, which pretty much confirms to me that this is a story demanding that I write it...so I'm going to put much more of an effort into letting it finally be completely heard. Hopefully that ends up being the case, but we'll see.
If you're interested in seeing the original prologue...which this re-written one keeps much of it intact, you can check out my original submission posts
here.As I said, this re-written one keeps much of the original intact, including the opening paragraph which I love too much to want to replace...as well as the ending line. But some things have been changed just due to me writing differently...such as the now increased body count, since apparently "disappearing" just wasn't in the cards with this re-written prologue. It's also a little shorter (but not really much shorter), but I usually think that's a better thing since there's most likely less repeating and more to the point outside of the occasional descriptive narrative to set up the place. But who knows? Maybe it's the same amount of description, but just literally set up differently to where not as much ends up being said.
And feel free to comment which you like more: the current prologue, or the previous one. I'll be starting up re-writing Chapter 1 later today during my lunch, so I should have that up later today if all goes according to plan.
Prologue
The night sky sparkled as a trail of stars flew up to join their friends, dancing on the gentle wind that was guiding them. The stars seemed to be coming from a plant that had stars attached to it like a dandelion. The source of the gentle wind had come from a young woman with pure white wings holding the plant aloft towards the starry night sky, guiding the stars to their new home. Dropping the now star-less plant to the ground below, the woman turned and slowly walked away from the balcony with a sense of relief on her face. As she left, a middle-aged winged man had made his way up the stairs to repeat the same ritual with his plant.
It was the night of the Celestial Ceremony, the most important day of the year for the winged-citizens of Alethia. On this day, every citizen of age would gather a flower known as a Star Blossom and make their way to the Celestial Balcony of the Alethia Temple. When they reached the balcony, the highest point of the floating city, they would blow on the flower and guide the stars toward the evening sky. Legends stated that if the citizens did this once a year, they would continue to receive the blessings of good fortune and prosperity from the Goddess.
This was a tradition that the people of Alethia took quite seriously, believing that calamity would befall the city should even one of them not follow through with the ceremony. Even many Alethians that had migrated to the outside could be found in attendance, believing they were doing their part to ensure the future of their former home on this particular day.
One young man in attendance was particularly excited as even his smaller white wings couldn’t help but flap in endless anticipation. This was his first time taking part in the ceremony, having just become of age the week before. He could barely contain the excitement as his hands trembled from the very moment that they had grasped the Star Blossom.
As he walked in time with the large line of people outside of the temple, he took notice of the surprising number of Alebirds that rested in the trees outside of the temple grove. As they watched the people pass, they let out a simple “coo,” seemingly without a care in the world.
These birds were Alethia’s pride and joy, their guardians against the dangers of the outside. These beautiful blue and purple birds that resembled doves were considered highly intelligent and had an almost otherworldly sense of awareness to their surroundings. When all was well, they would let out a soft “coo,” which was said to put even the most anxious of hearts at ease. If they sensed any hint of danger, they would instead let out an almost blood-curdling screech that could be heard throughout the entire city.
On this night, their screech would be the one of the last sounds to fill the air.
As the young man had made his way inside of the temple, he couldn’t hide his anticipation from an elderly woman in front of him. Her eyes had looked back for a moment to see his own admiring the vast halls of the temple, as her wrinkled face produced a warm smile at his wonderment.
“First time, eh?” She asked the young man in an equally warm tone as his eyes looked down to meet hers. “Oh yes, I just had my birthday recently, and I’ve been looking forward to this moment for my entire life.” he replied as the old woman couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. “I’m very glad to hear that. This is an important day for all of us.” she replied back as her gaze went back to the front, following the line as it moved forward.
Distracted, the young man didn’t realize that the line had moved as the person behind had bumped into him. Startled, the young man dropped his Star Blossom without realizing. He nervously apologized to the person behind as he quickly stepped forward, unknowingly stepping on the fallen flower in the process. One by one, the stars that once decorated the flower began to fall off and hit the ground, turning into black ash as they touched.
“Screech! Screech!” Sounded the Alebirds as everyone turned their heads in unison toward the temple entrance. The next sound came only seconds after the screeches. Despite the vastness of the main temple cloister known as the Prayer Chamber, the sound coming from the opposite side of the line of people was heard by all in the area. It was a loud “Crash!” coming from behind the set of golden doors on the other side of the Prayer Chamber. Behind these doors were the Elders; a group of wise and powerful sages that surrounded the treasured Alethia Crystal, an emerald green crystal that contained much magic within. The Elders chanted endlessly to this crystal with prayers that were said to keep Alethia floating in the sky.
One of the soldiers watching over the ceremony quickly made his way to the source of the sound as the Alebirds continued their screeches on the outside. At the same time that the soldier had left, the old woman in line suddenly felt as if she had realized something dreadful. Her eyes quickly turned toward the young man behind her that was full of eagerness, as her once warm features quickly hardened into an almost seething icy rage.
“Captain! T-t-the elders! They’ve been...” The soldier could barely muster as the captain quickly made his way toward the chamber himself. Inside, the elders that were once giving their prayers were now lying on the ground lifeless, covered in blood. But the captain’s gaze quickly moved up, noticing the absence of the one glimmering and glowing crystal.
“The crystal...it’s been stolen!” The captain shouted as the line of anxious people now went into an almost complete panic. The old woman, once holding in the rage that she was feeling was now almost inconsolable when her ears heard this news, followed by the dead Star Blossom that her eyes had now seen underneath the boy’s feet.
“This...is all YOUR fault!” the old woman shouted in an almost completely unrecognizable cold voice. The young man seemed unsure and afraid at this accusation, as both the people and soldiers took notice. “You...your carelessness with your Star Blossom…!” she added, pointing at the dead plant beneath the boy’s feet. “You’ve sealed all of our fates! Alethia will die because of you!” She continued as people began to hurl insults and scream at the trembling young man upon seeing the blackened flower for themselves.
“Everyone, contain yourselves!” One of the soldiers shouted as others had quickly come between the fighting citizens and the young man who was now feeling both confused and guilty...as if he indeed was the catalyst for what had happened.
“Damn it, where did the captain go?!” A soldier asked, as he had noticed the captain was no longer in the room. “I didn’t see him leave, I’ll go find him!” Another soldier replied as he made his way toward the Chamber of Elders.
To his dismay, nobody was here except for the dead elders surrounding the room. The soldier was sure that this was the last place he had seen the captain, as he quickly made his way out and across the quiet halls, up to the Celestial balcony. The captain wasn’t here either, so where could he have gone?
As the soldier thought of the captain’s whereabouts, something began to trouble him. Something had not sat right with him the moment he stepped into the balcony...but what was it? Then it quickly hit him: As he had left the Chamber of Elders, he hadn’t heard the sound of the angry citizens that he had heard merely moments before. Surely the other soldiers weren’t successful in calming them down...so what had caused the sudden silence?
Making his way back down, the answer made itself known. The people who were once fighting with their words were now laying on the floor, all devoid of life and covered in blood. The young man who was once trembling was also now still, his once eager yet guilt-ridden gaze now lifeless and empty. Even the soldiers were scattered around lifeless and bleeding. Why hadn’t the soldier heard any screams? Why hadn’t he heard the sound of the other soldiers fighting back whoever had killed them?
The soldier followed the trail of bodies as it led even outside of the temple, all the way back to the beginning of the city. Children that were once ignorantly playing outside during the Ceremony were now lying lifeless on the ground...though they seemed to have been treated with more care as they were brought to a clearing of Alethia’s Forest Sanctuary that was covered in flowers, and their bodies had no physical wounds that could be seen.
The city began to tremble and shake as the soldier had approached the Sanctuary, as many thoughts still remained on the his mind. Who could have done this? Who would slaughter an entire city including its children, and why? Why kill an entire city and doom it to fall? But before the soldier could arrive at his answer, a sound came from behind him.
As he turned, he was met with a blade that was thrust into him at a quick speed...as the perpetrator left him to die alone in the now falling city.
