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Um uh. You see there isnt really that many LGBT people i can talk to and people rarely talk to me when i post stuff like this on tumblr so im talking about this here.

I'm Trans, a Lesbian and a convert to Islam. I know thats like extremely eccentric but i never chose to be trans or lesbian. I shouldnt be mocked by people because they see my circumstances and automatically assume I must either be an attention seeker or a person without the slightest clue about Islam when I not only have researched extensively on Islam, I follow a for the most part strictly traditional Islam from institutions like al-Azhar.

Er, i'm sounding defensive here. It's just that I feel insecure and unhappy with each of my identities as a Muslim, as being gay and as a transwoman. The last one has been particularly painful for me as of late, as I've realized how much I perceive of myself to be a "shemale". A couple days ago, I really wanted to dress like a woman so that I could feel feminine for a longer period than the fleeting feeling of confidence I get from reblogging feminist self-postivity posts. And I couldn't because I have no privacy whatsoever. I've grown increasingly suspicious of cis people because I've grown deathly afraid they might be openly and repugnantly transphobic.

This body I'm living in feels like being trapped inside a rotting animal carcass. I'm sick of looking st my face. And the vast majority of people think I do this because I'm a moral deviant who wants to do this.

I feel constant mediocrity. I feel that because I'm trans no one will take me seriously. That I'll always be viewed as this hyper-eccentric ideologue rather than a respected political activist and philosopher. And that really grinds on me because my preferred field of work requires public approval. Who would respect what they believe to a man crossdressing and injecting female hormones into himself to fulfill some deranged semi-sexual desire?

Idk how to end this. I just feel really depressed and I feel that gender dysphoria has taken its toll on me.

Hey, sorry to hear about your troubles..

I'm trans, bi and an Atheist. So, on the trans subject, i've dealt with a lot of the same issues. It's especially difficult right now because I'm an internet based person, and the internet is alight with extremely hateful anti-trans rhetoric. I really wish that we were just out of the spotlight... we've had a cultural sort of society wide coming out. I can't really think of much good that it's done, people seem to hate us more than ever, but maybe I'm just uninformed as to the benefits of our newfound fame...

Gender dysphoria has a lot in common with body dysmorphia, where no matter what you actually look like, you can always find something absolutely horrible about yourself.. It really is extremely rough..

Anyway, I guess maybe I should learn more about you before I say too much, but I will tell you what has helped me...
Pardon the assumption, but most trans women score very highly on anxiety metrics, so it's possible that anxiety is a problem you struggle with. Something that has helped me with dealing with that is daily exercise - it reduces your general cortisol level, and I've found it to be quite calming. It's good for your body and brain too. Also, focusing on the basics - keeping a clean house, thoughtful usage of your therapist (hopefully you have one, if you don't, I've been there too..), and eating well (preparing your own food can be very relaxing, if you enjoy cooking) can be sources of comfort that help you feel in control of your situation.

I'd be interested in the techniques Islam provides for ordering an prioritizing your life. I have a mostly christian background, though I'm an Atheist now, I see a lot of value in the basic philosophical assumptions of religion. What does your religious practice look like?

Second everything Evelyn said about the basics. There's a lot of evidence starting to come in that proper diet and exercise can work wonders at alleviating anxiety and depression in many people. I'm also a fan of meditation...I think people need to set aside more time in their lives to just mentally drift and ponder the things that come to mind. Not only does it help me feel calmer, but it sometimes even helps me come up with solutions to things, which helps me feel more in control and less stressed.

I noticed you mentioned that you don't have the privacy to do the things you want to do. I'm not sure your situation, whether you're living at home with parents or have roommates or what, but to me that seems an area to focus on too. Everyone needs to have some private time, but particularly someone who wants to explore things that perhaps they're not comfortable sharing with others just yet. It may be that just having that sense of privacy could be a big help.

It may help to see if there's any way to connect with other LGBT people in your area, too. I know how hard that can be, being from a rural, conservative area myself, but I know it helps having friends that can relate to what you're going through. Having other gay/bi friends has really helped me, even though they've all been online...it may be worth finding people to connect with offline that can relate with you, because it sounds like you don't really have that, but either way, know that we're here for you.

Hey, sorry to hear about your troubles..

I'm trans, bi and an Atheist. So, on the trans subject, i've dealt with a lot of the same issues. It's especially difficult right now because I'm an internet based person, and the internet is alight with extremely hateful anti-trans rhetoric. I really wish that we were just out of the spotlight... we've had a cultural sort of society wide coming out. I can't really think of much good that it's done, people seem to hate us more than ever, but maybe I'm just uninformed as to the benefits of our newfound fame...

Gender dysphoria has a lot in common with body dysmorphia, where no matter what you actually look like, you can always find something absolutely horrible about yourself.. It really is extremely rough..

Anyway, I guess maybe I should learn more about you before I say too much, but I will tell you what has helped me...
Pardon the assumption, but most trans women score very highly on anxiety metrics, so it's possible that anxiety is a problem you struggle with. Something that has helped me with dealing with that is daily exercise - it reduces your general cortisol level, and I've found it to be quite calming. It's good for your body and brain too. Also, focusing on the basics - keeping a clean house, thoughtful usage of your therapist (hopefully you have one, if you don't, I've been there too..), and eating well (preparing your own food can be very relaxing, if you enjoy cooking) can be sources of comfort that help you feel in control of your situation.

I'd be interested in the techniques Islam provides for ordering an prioritizing your life. I have a mostly christian background, though I'm an Atheist now, I see a lot of value in the basic philosophical assumptions of religion. What does your religious practice look like?

@Wintermoot hey sorry for responding late. After I posted this, I had this horrific paranoid-depressive episode and when I woke up this morning I was still out of it. I didn't have much energy to talk to anyone. Even now I still feel terrible.

The thing is that I'm in a living situation where I'm stuck with a terrible diet, so exercising would be difficult, though not impossible. As for my living situation, I live in an extremely cramped place with my family. 90% of the time, there's somebody in my bedroom as I have to share it. Periods where I'm alone for a long time are extremely rare. I'm turning 18 this October, but LA has very pricey apartments. I'd love it so much if I moved but it's unlikely. Plus my mom wants me to stay home for a little while.

Also I can't see a therapist until November at the earliest because the California government for some horrible reason mandates that both parents OK a minor going to a psychiatrist and my dad is militantly anti-therapy.

And Islam has been extremely helpful in self improvement, as its a religion of self discipline, self care and good manners. I am extremely devote in my faith and it hasn't gotten me through some times, but I developed a religious OCD that became so severe a little over a year ago that I had the worst mental breakdown in my life that I'm still recovering from,  and I ended up stopping daily prayers due to how serious my OCD was. I've decided I'll won't get back to praying until I have a psychiatrist that can help me plan how and when I should go about it.

Islam has a high emphasis on self care, on caring for others and personal health that combined have helped mold me into a better person. There are actually tons of Islamic scholars hailing from traditional institutions who consider being transgender to be permissible as the general rule is that sins are waived in cases of medical necessity. I've sorta applied that stance toward my Lesbianism, I can't imagine a celibate or a mixed orientation marriage lifestyle to be anything but seriously unhealthy psychologically. I however still get frequent, strong doubts on the matter that are hard to fight off. But otherwise, Islam has been an extremely positive influence on my life that has forced me to take care of myself in periods where I'd rather just rot away.

Man, I wish your dad wasn't anti-therapy, you sound like you could really use it. Having meaningful discussions with friends can help too, but a therapist is almost completely necessary if you plan to transition or are already transitioning.

You can do some exercise even with limited space and no equipment. A few pushups, leg raises, air squats.. It only takes half an hour or so to get your heart beating with a light workout then you can go about your day. I don't think any of your family would mind you taking that time out.

Are either or both of your parents Muslim? I had a very religious upbringing myself, and in some ways I felt like it made me a better person, but the general condemnation of homosexuality and basically every behavior that is considered "deviant" was eventually extremely harmful to me. As far as I know, while I have heard that many Muslim majority nations (Iran) do allow people to transition, homosexuality is still universally condemned. Is that not the case?

I expect that liberal Muslims who accept homosexuality exist, but most Muslims I've known (mostly immigrants) will tell me homosexuality only exists in America and other western countries. I assumed that simply means they have a very repressive culture.

Man, I wish your dad wasn't anti-therapy, you sound like you could really use it. Having meaningful discussions with friends can help too, but a therapist is almost completely necessary if you plan to transition or are already transitioning.

You can do some exercise even with limited space and no equipment. A few pushups, leg raises, air squats.. It only takes half an hour or so to get your heart beating with a light workout then you can go about your day. I don't think any of your family would mind you taking that time out.

Are either or both of your parents Muslim? I had a very religious upbringing myself, and in some ways I felt like it made me a better person, but the general condemnation of homosexuality and basically every behavior that is considered "deviant" was eventually extremely harmful to me. As far as I know, while I have heard that many Muslim majority nations (Iran) do allow people to transition, homosexuality is still universally condemned. Is that not the case?

I expect that liberal Muslims who accept homosexuality exist, but most Muslims I've known (mostly immigrants) will tell me homosexuality only exists in America and other western countries. I assumed that simply means they have a very repressive culture.

The "traditional" opinion, that is, the opinion from the 1980s is that gender dysphoria is a medical condition and that gender transitioning is just medical treatment. However, with the rise of strong anti-trans sentiments and anti-trans propaganda, this opinion I starting to fall back. al-Azhar - the "leader" of the Sunni Islamic world - used to approve of transitioning procedures in Egypt which doubly also helped Egyptian trans people convince their loved ones that they haven't gotten into a deviant lifestyle. But then transgender issues started becoming a mainstream topic in the country, and that's when you had al-Azhar retracting its pro-trans ruling out of skepticism and now transitioning procedures in Egypt have screeched to a halt.

Iran still approves of gender transitioning, but don't take that the wrong way; They also force cis gay people to undergo transitioning to "cure" them. It's been a pretty sad time to be trans and Muslim.

As for being gay, Tariq Ramadan is a Western educated world renowned Islamic scholar working in Oxford. Even he condemns being gay as a sin (though he also urges Muslim to treat LGBT people with decency and respect). Pro-Gay opinions are extremely rare. Which is strange to me, given that Islam doesn't really talk about homoerotic feelings in the Quran and Hadith. It's retelling of the Sodomites makes it abundantly clear that they were attracted to the opposite sex, so any allusions between them and gay people is nonsense. Again, forcing yourself into sexual and romantic repression in some form or another is a recipe for a disaster; I just cannot see such a lifestyle ending well.

And no, I'm a convert. Both my parents are conservative Evangelicals. The upside is that my mom is 100% for me getting therapy and is going to sneak me into therapy the first chance she gets after I turn 18.


I may do exercise. It's just a matter of trying to motivate yourself, y'know?

Yeah I didn't want to say too much on the Iran situation.. I find forced sexual reassignment, even for transpeople, to be highly objectionable.

As for motivation, I think the most powerful motivator is habit - once you overcome the initial hump and the behavior becomes a habit, it becomes very easy to maintain. You only need pure willpower for about 2 weeks (lol, sounds like an eternity sometimes..)

I want you to know that you can always PM me when you're in a negativity spiral (that's what I call it..), and I'll respond as soon as I can. Of course, you can also always post here if you need to talk. It probably won't occur to you in the moment, but just try to remember that when your thoughts start to darken, and you just fall deeper and deeper, that it's possible to snap yourself out of it, and it's possible for everything to turn out okay. You are enough. It really does get easier with practice.

Also, I like talking, so hit me up. Maybe I'll figure out my chat client so I can get in the Wintreath chat room too..

Yeah I didn't want to say too much on the Iran situation.. I find forced sexual reassignment, even for transpeople, to be highly objectionable.

As for motivation, I think the most powerful motivator is habit - once you overcome the initial hump and the behavior becomes a habit, it becomes very easy to maintain. You only need pure willpower for about 2 weeks (lol, sounds like an eternity sometimes..)

I want you to know that you can always PM me when you're in a negativity spiral (that's what I call it..), and I'll respond as soon as I can. Of course, you can also always post here if you need to talk. It probably won't occur to you in the moment, but just try to remember that when your thoughts start to darken, and you just fall deeper and deeper, that it's possible to snap yourself out of it, and it's possible for everything to turn out okay. You are enough. It really does get easier with practice.

Also, I like talking, so hit me up. Maybe I'll figure out my chat client so I can get in the Wintreath chat room too..

I'll hit you up on that offer. I know hardly any trans people. And I'll try to keep both of your advice in mind if I can.