Post #101009
July 23, 2017, 03:15:50 AM
Well, I knew something was different when I was 12. A close guy friend of mine wanted to "experiment," which we did. At first I was a bit scared because I didn't understand what exactly had happened or what I was feeling. But that moment flipped the switch for my sexual side as I started to have sexual attractions and thoughts shortly after.
Since that moment I'd always had a feeling, since all of my sexual attractions were towards guys specifically. Not once in my life did I ever have any fantasies that had involved women in any form. But growing up I had girlfriends, because even though I had definitely thought about guys in that way, it was something I still didn't understand or come completely to terms with. But it was about...late middle school/early high school that I had decided to myself that I was at least bisexual. However, I kept quiet about my thoughts because I had seen how students had treated one of the gay students, and it worried me if I had said anything about what I'd felt.
It wasn't until community college that I came out to a couple of my close friends at the time that I had thought I was bisexual. But roughly a year laterI had sat down and done some intense reflecting on myself, my feelings, and just my overall self...and I came to terms with that fact that I wasn't bisexual...I was clearly just attracted (at least physically/sexually) to men and men alone. But I waited until I had started going to the university before I completely came out of the closet...that and there was still that small part of me that wasn't entirely sure if my thoughts about myself were correct. But when I had my first kiss with my first boyfriend, that pretty much put it to rest that I was definitely attracted to guys. When I tried having that same type of kiss twice with two different women later on to satisfy that lingering curiosity, that pretty much put it to rest that I didn't feel the same when it came to women, at least in sexually. I still do believe that emotionally/mentally, I'm more attracted to women than men (who I've rarely ever had a deep emotional connection with).
But yeah, I knew I was attracted to guys since I was 12.