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One morning, Santa wakes up and goes downstairs to breakfast where his wife tells him her parents are coming to stay for a few months.  This makes Santa unhappy but he can deal with it.  He decides to go check on his reindeer.  He is told there that one of the reindeer is pregnant and might not be able to make the Christmas journey while another one escaped from the stable and the elves are trying to find it and bring it back.  Then he feels the need to check on the workshop.  He arrives and is told by the main elf that there was a problem with the conveyor belt which has stopped production and that the presents may not be finished on time.  After hearing this Santa decides he needs a drink.  He gets a bottle and finds the elves have drunk all the booze.  He drops the bottle and it shatters all over the floor.  He is about to sweep the glass away when he finds out that mice have eaten away all of the straw from the brooms.  Just then, there is a knock at the door which he answers.  A little angel is standing there and says: "Merry Christmas Santa I brought you this lovely tree and thought it would brighten up your day.  Where would you like to put it?"  And so began the tradition of the little angel at the top of the Christmas tree.

Lol, how is that a bad joke?

These might actually be bad jokes.

Did you hear about the terrorist who tried to blow up a car?
He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.


Did you hear about the terrorist who got killed by his own letter bomb?
He mailed it to the target with insufficient postage and it got returned.  He opened it when it got mailed back to him.

"President Trump"

"President Trump"

We should make a "Tell the worst joke ever" thread just for this.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

(p + l)(a + n) = pa + pn + la + ln

Oh no! My plan has been foiled!

Top 10 April Fools Day Jokes in New York City

10. Super-glue automatic weapon to curb and watch passersby try to
    pick it up.
 9. Put fake vomit on sidewalk right next to real vomit.
 8. Suicide hotline puts you on hold while playing Van Halen's "Jump!"
 7. Hold Wisconsin couple at gunpoint; demand their money and jewelry
    -- then give them back their jewelry.
 6. Add tail to chalk body outlines.
 5. Screaming, "The stock market is down!" and tossing life-size dummy
    off building.
 4. Instead of Miranda warning, cops say, "You have the right to
    commit crimes."
 3. Putting "kick me" sign on guy's back before you throw him in East
    River.
 2. Cab drivers speak perfect English.
 1. Crack dens replace regular crack with Folgers Crystals.

A David Letterman Top 10 list from 1991, #8 is especially bad.

http://www.mudslide.net/TopTen/lnwd1991.html#April2
The link to a collection of Top Ten lists done by David Letterman.  Some good, some bad, some lame.

Why is Italy so good at soccer?

What other sport lets you change sides halfway through?

What's the most important part of a joke timing

You can tune a piano, but you can't tune a fish.

What's the difference between a Zippo and a hippo?

One's really heavy, and the other's a little lighter.

You know what is endless love.  Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

EDIT: Fixed a typo

If Chuck Norris was so tough, he'd come over here and smash my head against the keybaoofjjugghsj ruychhooshxhuunflodhhwiiduxju fiowkshxjokdjh

A man is at a bar and has had a few drinks, he goes to order another one but the bartender says "I am going to cut you off" since he has already had quite a few drinks.  The man then gets ready to leave since his house is close to the bar, he stands up and almost immediately collapses.  He keeps trying to stand up but keeps falling so he crawls to the door.  He tries to stand up there but can't, he manages to get the door open though and crawls outside.  He keeps trying to stand up but can't seem to so he starts to pull himself and crawl home.  He gets to the house and tries to stand up but still can't although he manages to get the door open and is able to shut it.  He decides not to bother going up the stairs so he just sits in front of a wall to sleep.  The next morning, he wakes up and his wife tells him that she knows he was at the bar drinking.  "How did you know?"  She says "the bar called and said you forgot your wheelchair."