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As part of Celebrate Bisexuality Day, this is a place for members of our community to share their experiences with bisexuality and to discuss those experiences and bisexuality in general. It's a place for people to come together, to connect with each other, and to learn. It's a place to gain insight and better understand each other.

Now, enough with the sweeping descriptions.

I'm really looking forward to this discussion, and will share my own story about how my sexuality has developed over time soon.

As I was saying, my understanding of my own sexuality has changed over time, based on some key events on my life...as part of Celebrate Bisexuality Day I want to share those experiences, and the journey that's led me to where I am now. This is my journey:

Before I was 17, I was involved only girls, although all my relationships were online. It's not that I hid my sexuality or struggled with it...I was completely fine with just being involved with girls. As weird as it sounds, the idea of being involved with guys had just never occurred to me...there wasn't really an impulse to be involved with them. So when I was 17 I was involved with this girl, who introduced me to her best friend, and her best friend's best friend, who happened to be a gay guy, and we start talking. He's pretty cool and we get close in our own right as friends, but one night he hits on me, saying that me and him should have sex as practice so that I'm ready for sex with my girlfriend.

I laughed it off, but I have to admit that I was intrigued. I'd never considered sex with a guy before, but he was such a cool person that I wasn't really against the idea. So I talked with an ex that I was still close with at the time, and she's the one who told me that I was bi...the weird thing was that it wasn't so big revelation for me, it was just like 'Oh, ok', and then I asked some questions cause I wasn't familiar with the term.

Nothing ever happened with this guy, cause we had a falling apart, but at around the same I had mentioned this to another ex, and she had introduced me to her real-life ex-boyfriend who had recently came out as gay...we talked a lot, and we became 'boyfriends' for a brief time. I can't say that I was more than infatuated with him, but he was the first person I was sexual with...the first guy I acted with lustfully, and of course I liked it. But he got busy with school and stuff, and we just kinda drifted apart.

So at this point I knew I could lust for guys, but I didn't know if I could love one...if I would feel the same deep feeling that I had felt for girls. It's a question I would be left with because I had gone back to being involved with some girls. However, about a year later I joined this one online game, and I met this one guy...actually, he was playing as a girl and it took about a month to even know he was a guy, but about that time we started talking, and over the course of a month, I fell in love with him. He was the first guy that I had fallen in love with, and a year after discovering I liked guys it was the first time I'd known that I could be as satisfied in a relationship with a guy as I could be with a girl. The actual relationship only lasted about a month, but it would have a huge impact on my journey for years to come.

So fast forward a bunch of years, I was involved exclusively with guys, to the point where I reconsidered whether I was bi and decided that I was actually gay. I thought that my relationships with girls were just because I wasn't aware of how guys made me feel...since that relationship, I had never been involved with women, so it made a kind of sense to me. But then several years ago I came to be friends with this girl and over time I came to realize that I had feelings for her...of course I didn't tell her this for various reasons, because she was involved with other guys or just because I didn't want to risk the friendship, but imagine my surprise one fall evening when she told me that she loved me...the relationship only lasted a few months, but it was incredibly satisfying and made me re-evaluate where I was once again. This was only three years ago...

The latest stage of my journey has actually taken place here...on Wintreath. Before Wintreath, I had never actually met a transgender person...and then Amalya came and started hitting on me the first day she was here. I have to admit, at first I was taken aback, if only because it was something that was new to me, but as I came to know her I realized that she was just another amazing person and any reluctance I had was overcome. No, we never had a relationship, but I did become attracted to her...and I've been attracted to others as well since then. I've had the great pleasure of meeting more transgender people, including someone from earlier in my journey who obviously had quite a journey of their own, and I've formed other attracations at times. And that's when I realized, it's not specific genders I'm attracted to, it's people...virtually everyone has something that I think is attractive about them, both physically and emotionally. Over the course of the last year I had considered myself pansexual because of this, but more recently I have dropped labels altogether (though I may still use them to quickly describe myself to new people).

As I said in the announcement, I don't like the use of labels...I think that labels try to simplify something that isn't simple and shouldn't be simple. I don't believe that anyone's sexuality can be something that's so simple any one label can completely encompass it without exception. I believe that labels encourage us to choose one and then never reflect on, reevaluate, or reconsider, because we've become stuck to that label. My own journey shows how my own sexuality has evolved over time, and I've had the honour of being their for others as theirs evolved as well. So really, I think that's what Celebrate Bisexuality Day is about to me...not so much celebrating a label or a group, but celebrating the journey that's led us to where we are now, and will lead us to where we'll be in the future.

I'd love to read about and celebrate anyone else's journey if they would like to share it.

I also don't really care for labels even though I may use them every so often.  I'm kind of at a weird stage to where sexually/physically, I'm purely attracted to guys, and emotionally I'm uch more attracted to women.  My best friends have always been women, and while I do have some male friends in my life, we just don't get along at the same level as my woman friends.  I wouldn't even say it's the level of how women get along with other women and want to go shopping and all that shit, because I've never been the incredibly flamboyant type of guy.  If anything, I've always been in the middle of the spectrum...gender fluid, if you will, since I don't really fall into either category but have mixtures of both (though my clothing style has always been more "masculine").  But I just find talking to women much more stimulating, and I can just always connect on a deeper level with them.

Again, that's not to say that I can't have that stimulating emotional connection with guys as well, but that's far more rare to ever find.  I have guy friends at work, but aside from maybe one or two, they're more acquaintances than actual friends of mine...whereas I have more actual women friends at work.  I don't know what it is exactly...but I've just always been attracted to women in that way.  Hell, to this day my longest relationship (2 years) was with a woman back in high school, and I didn't even have my first kiss until my first boyfriend back in college, and I've never had a sexual experience with a woman before.

But with guys, I've never had an issue being sexual with them.  During my college years, I had hookups, and I had boyfriends that I always got sexually involved with.  If they didn't satisfy me in that department (either they wanted to wait for too long, something about them physically turned me off or they were too submissive), then it was a short relationship, since I really seemed to only be in lust for guys despite my really wanting more out of it than that.  Regrettably, I even cheated on 2 of them because they just never satisfied me in that department, and that was what I was really wanting after 21 years of never being sexual.

It wasn't until only a couple of years ago when I met my first ex that I actually fell in love with.  He was sexual enough for me, and I loved his personality.  It was him and my friend Keneshia that got me into the drag scene...something I've been curious about since my college days when my friend Robyn took me to a store to try on shirts to see what I thought.  I tried one on in the fitting room, and inside I just felt so embarrassed when I looked at my bearded face wearing a female's shirt that I took it off, put my own shirt back on, and we really ended up just leaving without me saying a word.  But when Steven and Keneshia got me into the full drag scene, I actually really loved it...but I loved it at a performer level.  I actually really do love dressing up in the full style, but only on stage in front of people.  After I got a bit of that experience, I learned that I'm actually completely comfortable looking and dressing as a guy normally, and equally that I'm completely comfortable and love dressing up as a woman for performances.  I've told people that I actually haven't thought of the drag scene for some time...but that's really because there's no good venues here, and I'm terrible with makeup.  Honestly, if there were more opportunities and I was better with makeup (or I had someone to do it for me), I'd be out there performing every day if I could.

I do, and always will respect people who do it outside of performances, though.  People out there will tend to either have a problem with it or not take transgender people seriously...and I never really understood why.  You should always be who you're comfortable being, not what other people are comfortable with.  Sure, we're all judgmental, and inwardly I might judge too sometimes, because despite what anyone says, we're all guilty of it.  But if you're comfortable with who you are, then that's all that matters.  It's not about what you wear, it's about what's inside that matters.

But back to the story, as I said Steven was the only guy so far that I'd ever actually fallen in love with.  He was always very sweet, giving, and I really enjoyed my time with him.  He was actually one of the only guys that I had never even considered breaking up with in all my time with him.  Even when my job at the time was becoming incredibly stressful and I became much more distant sexually to where I slept in the living room for a bit, because I just couldn't handle anything else.  But even then, I still had really deep feelings for him, and wanted to make things work with him.  Unfortunately, he broke up with me since he wasn't in the same mindset as I was.  While he didn't want to admit that it was the sexual distancing, that's really what it was that made him want to break it off with me.

I still occasionally think about what it'd be like to be with a woman, raise a family, and live that white picket fence lifestyle since the latter two things are what I really want in my life.  However, the female body has never really done anything for me, to where I really just can't get turned on to the physical aspect of it compared to a guy's body.  I dunno, when it comes to the sexual aspect, I'm more an unusual sort anyways, but that's for a different thread to talk about I suppose.  I just don't think I could ever truthfully be physically attracted to a woman, and likewise I don't think I could ever completely be emotionally attracted to a man.

Whelp, I'll wait for mine some other day then. I'm just a boy who likes all the boys.

Talking about the 'female parts' makes me slightly uncomfortable, seeing it is another matter.

Amazing what da pr0nz can do to a person and how you can learn of your sexual/attractive leanings from it. Believe me, I used to dig all girls, but then I found gay pr0nz...mmmm...

@Pengu, my feeling is that you'll eventually meet the right person that ticks both the emotional and physical boxes, and it'll be quite a special person...or maybe you'll meet someone where that eventually develops. It's interesting where you are now, but I have a feeling our journeys are still proceeding.

@Cadmus, you're telling me you decided your sexuality cause you found some gay porn and got hard? lol, you must be quite a free spirit.

@Cadmus, you're telling me you decided your sexuality cause you found some gay porn and got hard? lol, you must be quite a free spirit.

Gotta think with your head

@Pengu, yours is an interesting struggle. I can't quite imagine having to live life like that.

Gotta think with your head

Which one?

ze homosex iz outlawed in gloriousz Ezcanthea. Ve ar gudt kriztianz.
(for me it was throwback thursday)

@Pengu, my feeling is that you'll eventually meet the right person that ticks both the emotional and physical boxes, and it'll be quite a special person...or maybe you'll meet someone where that eventually develops. It's interesting where you are now, but I have a feeling our journeys are still proceeding.

I hope so.  When November hits, I'll be roughly 5 years older than my dad was when he got married.

I want to find the right person someday and settle down, but I have a feeling deep down that I may never see my wedding day.

I don't think anyone who is smart gets married in their 20s anymore...we still have a lot of living to do.

There's a part of me that doesn't really want to do the wedding thing, personally...just meet with people, have friends with benefits, maybe eventually live with someone if we're truly compatible. Getting married just feels so much like settling down to me, and I don't want to feel like I've settled down.

I don't think anyone who is smart gets married in their 20s anymore...we still have a lot of living to do.

There's a part of me that doesn't really want to do the wedding thing, personally...just meet with people, have friends with benefits, maybe eventually live with someone if we're truly compatible. Getting married just feels so much like settling down to me, and I don't want to feel like I've settled down.

Well, in a way you're already settling down by living in one place and having a job. Only when you have burned all your clothes and live off the land semi-nomadically in a national park are you truly free.

When I was younger, I was...well, not "normal", but...I thought about girls like most guys. Lusted, watched porn, jacked off to it, all the things teenagers did. But I also....I also felt things for guys. I was in an all boys school, there where plenty of attractive guys, many I would say I'd have loved to sleep with. And that filled me with an unbearable shame. I felt ashamed. Broken. Like I was a freak. The atmosphere around me did not help. Fellow students loved to make fun of the "fags". My grandmother, who spent more time with me than my parents, called them "dirty perverts". My brother was just as judgmental. My parents, when we talked for real and it wasn't just a pointless circle jerk over their and my brothers achievements, thought that they were very accepting of "those gays" in the most condescending way possible. My church was...well, take a guess what my priest told me when I said that I had thoughts about other guys. Here's a clue: temptation, souls, the devil inside me and perversion.

It wasn't until much later that I even could face the fact that I was attracted to guys, preferring to deny all the way. Only after I met a particular someone was I able to accept that part of my self. He showed me that I didn't have to be ashamed for something that was perfectly natural. He was muslim and still held his faith, which helped. He moved away after a while, which was a shame, but I hled his lessons.

However, I still feel things for women and I can see myself being with one. Romantically, I have no real preference. I like hot people who are nice people. However, I definitely have a thing for lanky malay dudes. Petite. Hmmm. As for women, well, its the face. And chest. But also face.

I am still very inexperienced in that department, however. Longest relationship I had was a one night stand. That's a bit sad, I think.

I don't think people should get too down on themselves about how quickly they get in relationships, romantic or otherwise. Everyone has their own pace.

I know people who started dating in their twenties, and even ended up happily marrying the first person they dated.

I don't think there are as many rules and assurances to love as people would like to think. It's by its nature unpredictable.

I started dating my wife at age 16, then we got married last year at age 22 (but she's a year older than me). I'm straight, but she's bi-curious but wasn't really able to explore that in college since we were dating. But we're married now and much closer, so I'm curious as to how that may play out. We've joked a few times about having threesome-type situations, but we just haven't been very serious about it or really found anyone yet. She has some issues about the way she sees her body after she gained weight from getting on birth control, plus we're moving soon, so anything like that probably wouldn't happen for a while. I'm excited to possibly do things like that together, though.

But as Laurentus was saying, yeah, don't get bummed about not getting married when you wanted. The fact that i even started dating my wife was just chance as I was talking to a couple others girls and hadn't even thought about her. But We ended up really liking each other, and though we can't really understand how the other thinks at times, we had to consciously decide that this is what we wanted, especially since we were pretty young.  But we're happy. So, yeah, it's not like people have soulmates, so don't wait for that.