Post #67725
March 18, 2016, 04:09:15 AM
Once upon a time, there lived a man named Roy. Roy had a sharp knife he rarely used. When he did, his freezer usually got fresh meat and ended up filled. His freezer broke one fateful day, and flies started flying into his fresh meat. The flies turned out to be mutant exploding flies, and his freezer exploded. Roy called the mechanic to get the freezer fixed because he really liked stocking the freezer with ice cream, too.
Hours later, the mechanic arrived...but he was not what anyone would expect a mechanic to look nor be like. His mechanic was actually a man eating potato who attempted to burn him at the stake. Roy was terrified, yet oddly hungry at the same time as he whipped out a questionable looking flamethrower, pointing at the man-eating potato. Unfortunately for Roy, he had left his flamethrower fuel in his freezer, for reasons he couldn't quite remember. Panicking, he picked up what looked to be miniature ducks in Hawaiian shirts--gifts from his friend Terry--as he began tossing them at the man-eating potato. Amazingly enough, the potato was allergic to the adorable miniature ducks in Hawaiian shirts and he broke out in hives, but he was still able to throw a mighty punch at Roy.
Satisfied, Roy used the moment of weakness to run to his freezer, not realizing that it had exploded as the mutant flies had swarmed at him and missed...accidentally flying at the man-eating potato and exploding. The potato was thoroughly mashed by the flies and fell to the floor dead, but the freezer was still broken. "And that was why I couldn't turn in my homework today." Roy explained to his teacher as the scene flashed back to him sitting in his desk in the classroom.
The teacher began to speak, but, suddenly, a gunman armed with a Nerf rifle ran into the classroom and began firing wildly. Fortunately, all teachers in his school were trained and armed with AK-47's and the assailant was quickly dealt with. The teacher was then arrested for manslaughter, as the gunman was not armed with any lethal weaponry. Roy, being the only witness, was called to testify at court.
Unfortunately, the courtroom that Roy was called into was about vehicular homicide and was called as part of the jury. Despite Roy being only 10, he was forced to hear about the horrific crime in which 5 baby ducks were murdered in cold blood. For his reward, he was given an AK-47 toy that shot chocolate bon bons. The bon bons however, gave him terrible indigestion and he was taken to the hospital. Poor Roy's luck seemed to continue to go downhill once he discovered that it was a CLOWN hospital...something he was terrified of. Fortunately, the Clown Hospital was only its name, and when he entered, he saw no clowns. Unfortunately, Clown Hospital was an ironic name and the staff were demon-possesed psychotics.
As he walked in, he saw sets of hungry, murderous eyes staring at him, as he stayed close to his mother the entire time. As he turned toward his mother for reassurement, he realized that SHE was also a demon-possessed psychotic! Fortunately for Roy, he was also a demon-possessed psychotic, and was part of the Cult of the Holy Clowntato.
As his conscious self began to become aware of the nonsense of the events that had happened to him that day, Roy suddenly woke up and sat up straight in his bed, sweating over that terrible nightmare. Atleast that is what Roy believed, in reality this itself was a dream.