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I talked to my old therapist and she agreed to quietly see me without my parents knowing. Im not better now and Im still scared of what I might do but Ill try to get help. I think I owe you an explanation. After I tried I just dropped the gun and panicked. I dont remember how long. After that I think I just wandered around base for a bit doing thing. Someone asked me if I was ok and I dont think I replied. Then at the end of my shift my Inspector pulled me aside and told me he had ordered the armory to issue me a revolver with no firing pin. He said judging by how I was acting he had probably been right to do so. He told me to go get help and not to do something like that again. I dont know how I feel. I still feel sick in my stomach. Im still a nervous wreck. I still dont know what to think. I just want to curl up and hide. I dont know what to think.

Well, it will take time for you to feel better, but I think you're on the right path. Just start with this meeting with your old therapist and go from there...you're probably in need of counseling, and possibly in need of anti-depressants. You certainly need help with the situation that has put you in this state to begin with, and especially with your family...but everything starts with the first step, and you're taking it. I'm glad...and yeah, please don't do something like that again. You'll make us worry ourselves sick...or at least me...;-;

I'd be lying if I said I was totally OK now but I feel a little better. I still feel a desire to do it sometimes but I'm getting better at working around those feelings. I haven't tried again since then, so don't worry.

Thank you. I needed to hear what you guys said. I'll try to improve my own personal situation and get a grip. And again, thank you.

Yesterday marks the day I took my last exam ever as a high school student. Tomorrow marks the day of my graduation ceremony, which is unique is that we have one of the most historical (and in my opinion best) commencements in the state. Our school has its whole ceremony outdoors in a structure known as the "bowl" (a small valley in between some hills on all sides) and eschews the traditional cap and gown in favour of formalwear.

After that and a small party I can be active again, so it's time to finally get things straightened out with the Underhusen and Orendi.

And glad to hear you're getting well, @North We're always here for you!

I'm glad that you're starting to do better, North! Keep us up to date on your journey...we're here for you.

And congrats on graduating tomorrow, Barnes. You're a big boy now.

My wisdom tooth has been peskier than I thought it would be...but it's about halfway out at this point, and I'm not in any pain at the moment, at least.

Wooo, 1500 posts! Most of them are spam, but still.  It's still a nice kilometerrock.

I've been a bit inactive here because I've been working on some IRL projects (writing/practicing music and working on my German) and sorting out affairs elsewhere in NS, but I should be back into a period of more activity.

On a related note, I've been pretty happy with my music lately. I've been listening to a little song I wrote for piano a lot over the past few days.

* Wintermoot sighs

This is what I get for picking a team based on how hot the coach is. Obviously my great taste in men doesn't translate to success in picking good e-sports teams.

God damn it Florida! Don't let people on terrorist watch lists get guns. Smh.

God damn it Florida! Don't let people on terrorist watch lists get guns. Smh.

The criteria for being put on the US terrorist watch list are extraordinarily low... There is no way for a citizen to question or challenge it and they may not even be notified of being put on the list... Criteria for being removed from the list are still entirely unknown and may not exist at all... As such I think removing basic rights for being on the list is foolish, even a right that I don't personally support that much...
It's still a right... And the terrorist watch list has a lot of people on it and none of them can ever challenge that...
I don't think we should leave our screening process for guns to a shady government watch list that nobody has the rules to... And that has numerous reports of capturing absolutely normal people... And in some cases just flat ruining lives...

Screening is good, it is... But we should maybe trust more visible boards with more oversight and more transparency... Read: any transparency or any oversight...

True, we do need better screening, but the "right" to bear arms was something WAY different back in the day then it was given.  You couldn't kill ten people in ten minutes, let alone 30 without reloading.

And I agree the terrorist watch list should be a more open process, and that people should be notified, but clearly something isn't working right now, ad it needs to be fixed. Even more people are dead, and nothing is going to change. That was set when there wasn't any action after the mass shooting of elementary schoolers.

The fact of the matter is, nothing will change because as a culture we're used to it now...I still remember when I was a kid and school shootings were considered horrific, but now we just shrug because they're so common. The only reason this shooting is getting so much attention is because it set a record for most people killed in a mass shooting, which will only serve to encourage those that want to do something like this for the media attention.

Unfortunately, you have two sides on this issue that are very entrenched and refuse to give any ground at all or compromise in any way and simply have no good faith in each other, so there's no way to move anything.

God damn it Florida! Don't let people on terrorist watch lists get guns. Smh.

They said the guy was also a person of interest to the FBI for sometime and used a rifle to shoot at police before entering the club, and is a radical Islamist it seems.

Meanwhile, thanks to Santa Monica PD, a terror attack that would have happened at Pride in West Hollywood was averted.  This just came in:

http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-gay-pride-la-weapons-20160612-snap-story.html

Here in San Diego, SDPD and SDCSD are on full alert and coordinating with the mayor and LGBT leadership.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S4 via Tapatalk

Pardon me for asking, but what on earth is LGBT leadership?