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St. John Smyth{/b]

 wow! what a weight of my shoulders...

Is it just me, or has Minecraft terrain generation sucked since 1.7? Used to one of my favourite parts of Minecraft was finding some unique geographic feature on which I could build something that dominated the landscape, like a unique mountain or a nook or a neat valley, but it seems like the terrain is so bland now. Nothing really stands out, and I've gone on seed after seed and it's all the same. Even worse, it seems difficult to find winter areas to build on...they seem to be relegated to really high places or rare biomes, and it sucks to be on a wintry mountain and look down to see a tropical forest below you.

I haven't really played Minecraft since 1.7 came out for that reason...that and not having a cool multiplayer server to play on anymore.

My mental issues are getting worse, it's getting to the point where, even on my meds, I have to do a double take just to make sure someone's real, and that's on the good days, on the bad days it takes all I have to not attack them. They're stalking me, they wand me to hurt people, and myself. But I won't, I won't give them the satisfaction of seeing me fall. I can hold out for a few more months, a year at most. But it's getting worse, I try to block it out and I get pain for my efforts, they can hurt me, I didn't know that before. I'm losing my mind.

That's definitely worrying, Nox. =/ I'm assuming you have a therapist or doctor that's prescribing your meds...have you seen them about this? If they are no longer working it's possible you need a higher dosage, or a switch to another medication. I'm hardly a doctor, but medications for mental issues are usually trail and error...try one med and if it doesn't work well switch to another.

I really hope you're doing alright though...*hugs*

I wonder what the point is, sometimes. I've wondered for a while. Thought I'd figured it out a few times... money. Power. Happiness. But those are all stupid, infantile desires... I still don't know. I'm not sure I ever will. I'll live my entire life never knowing what I live it for, trapped in a depressing medium between misery and contentment. Without purpose or place.

From a biological standpoint, or fully scientific, life is about surviving long enough to pass on your genes. That implies enjoying yourself when having sex, as if you didn't enjoy it you wouldn't seek it. All our existence is to find pleasures. Being fed, comfortable, healthy, beating someone at something, surviving something and the rush of adrenaline, having sex, enjoying company, etc. could all be seen as infantile, but they are the basic pleasures of life. If you choose to expand them that is your choice. If you like the adrenaline, become an extreme sports man. If you like eating, earn enough to binge out or to become a connoisseur, or make your passion your job and become a master chef. The problem is, of course, how you earn enough to follow your hobbies or earn money while following your hobbies. That's the curse of capitalism. You have to become a cog if you want to enjoy yourself.

There are many purposes, and you won't always be ecstatic about your situation, everyone has their ups and downs. Become a cog if you wish, or try and make your job your passion. It only gets as good as you try to male it.

Follow the yellow-brick road.

Personally, I became a lot more content with life when I stopped striving for things and started living one day at a time. I think we have a tendency to overlook the simple, little pleasures in life...enjoying time with friends, partaking in hobbies, learning new things in topics enjoyed, even reading a good book. I'm not really concerned about the point of it anymore...the fact of the matter is, we're here for now so we might as well make the best we can of it and try to get what enjoyment we can. I know that society pounds us with this mindset that we have to think of the future and make sure we're planning for it and dream of it and shit, but when I used to think of the future I would end up depressed, nervous, or worried. Much better to live for today, in my opinion.

Life has no meaning to me anymore. I keep myself occupied with things like rps to forget about life. Those lucky bastards out there with so much money and all, not having to worry about a god damn thing. What is the point if life anyway? SCREW LIFE. I just might as well die for heavens sake. -.-

That's a very optimistic view...

I think we all need a hug.

*Hugs Wintreath*

Ew. Alterran cooties.

So...this isn't turning out to be the best week ever so far. =/

Aww, cheer up wintry

Well, it started Sunday night when I realized I was starting to catch mom's cold...but I had a mandatory staff thing Monday, so I had to get up two hours earlier than usual and drive down to it and spending a day listening to lectures while I was sick. And listening to lectures is torture for me even when I'm perfectly healthy...I'm so used to always doing something. Then as I'm driving home I get pulled over for the first time ever...it's just a warning, but it still sucks. Then today I'm even sicker so I stay home while my mom goes to get me some chapstick and stuff...only then she gets pulled over for an expired registration because for some reason we never got it in the mail like we're supposed to, so she has to spend the day at the DMV and Courthouse fixing it so I never got my chapstick. AND I have this huge report I have to finish for work by Friday, so I'm trying to do that in bits and pieces, although in reality it's the very last thing I want to do right now.

Oh yeah...and I had this nightmare that I was Salax. Don't ask...it's just too weird.

Hope your health improves soon, Wintry, I'm sure things will look up after you're better.