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I tend to side more with Episcopalian. I'm forced to attend a Baptist church, but when I'm on my own I do hope to attend an Episc. one.

My efforts to find a new job have been unsuccessful, maybe I'll have another month, but that's it. I'm eyeing a new possibility but this will be my last chance (another research assistant post, but this time in labour law, which would be fucking grand). I'm also going to send resumes to anyone who will have them, minimum wage or otherwise, even these fucking customer service jobs that pollute the student job market because no one with an actual choice wants to be paid peanuts to be abused by raging, salty or downright stupid customers, or better yet, customers who are terminal syphilitic levels of crazy. Thanks to my past experience in this kind of job, I know that these are depressingly common, especially the stupid ones. I can't deal with stupid people, this is one of my flaws, I cannot fathom that someone would have difficulty with what I find obvious. I lack a lot of empathy on that regard, so I'm often very callous towards people who are less educated than myself.

Anyway, if that last round of job-seeking still doesn't work, instead of going right away to my mom's (because obviously without a job I can't live by myself), I might miss a week of classes and do that retreat right away. Almost all the classes are classes I've already taken or have friends in so I can catch up, so I'm pretty lucky.

In regards to denomination, I honestly don't think they matter much anyway. It's just a question of differing tradition and ritual, which are useful insofar as they allow one to appreciate the message, and gives it an air of importance. I don't think it's very complicated being a good Christian (but it is very hard), basically all it requires is "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you" (John 15:12) and the other commandments will follow naturally, plus accepting that Jesus gift. I think as long as you try and do that, it'll be alright. It's a decent way to live even if there's no afterlife, in any case.

However, I do think some denominations (and even individual churches) have appropriated the word "Christian" for themselves for outward legitimacy but ended up as something totally different. What is preached in most megachurches by pastors with Rolexes and 2000$ suits, the prosperity gospel, is an example. In general I don't think the so-called Christian right is actually Christian. It's easy to yell in tongues in public so that everyone knows how chosen you are and "pray" loudly to ask Jesus Christ to please guide your ball and score a strike while playing bowling, and it actually convinces some people, but that's not Christian behaviour, and until very recently I myself fell into that trap and thought Christianity was shit because they had these people representing it. It sounds like a no true Scotsman but the rules of the religion are there and these people just don't follow it. They just steal the name. They had me disgusted for a long time but I'm doing an about face.

I have graduated from university and yet to find a job I want.

Join the club!

So, looks like my supervisor will be out this week too...starting to get a little concerning, since we're apparently late on statewide reports that only she has access to submit and run. It will take quite a bit of time if it ends up that I have to work on them, especially since I've never been trained on them. Otherwise...it went well today. The new person I'm supervising caught on that I was bi, because he pretty much just asked me...it wasn't a big deal though, and mostly led to a discussion about relationships and such, and what he hated about girls...the pitfalls of being straight I guess lol.
What an interesting conversation. Did his curiosity turn you on ?
Four more days to the weekend. Eighty-one days until my three-week vacation.
Is that when you're going to come see me? :3
On callings, I'm not sure I've ever had a 'calling'. When I was a kid I wanted to be a meteorologist, but by high school I had gotten tired of being known as the weather guy. At about the same time, I took my first programming class as a senior, not out of interest but because there were so few electives to choose from at my school and this one seemed pretty simple. It was very simple C++ stuff, but I found interesting. Once I got internet through cable I started looking up programming knowledge required to build things I wanted to do...it's how I learned HTML and PHP for instance. Then once I started working where I am now, I was fortunate enough to slowly be able to move towards SQL-related reporting jobs. I found pulling data to be fascinating...it was fascinating to explore how it connected with each other in a database, and nicely formatted and pulled data looked beautiful in its own way.
My fascination with coding was more of an obsession than an interest...
But my primary interests are still the ones I do on my own times...projects such as Wintreath. It's nice to have a decent paycheck and insurance, but I don't feel like I'm changing anything at work...I often feel like I'm a digital paper-pusher, and as I get older and things happen I realize more and more that I want to be someone who makes a difference for others, even if it's just a small group of people. I suppose if I were to have a calling it would be this...building communities with awesome people. I've certainly tried enough times in my life...it's nice to have finally succeeded in at least some regard here.
You've absolutely done a wonderful job and I think you would thrive wherever you decided to go with this..

Well...I just accepted a supervisory position at my work. The transition period from what I am doing now will be...interesting.

I just spent over $100 on an impractical awesome thing I really wanted. so yeah.

 

I just spent over $100 on an impractical awesome thing I really wanted. so yeah.

I've spent $500 on strippers before. Call that impractical if you will, but hell was it fun!

$500? Damn, that is impressive. You must've been a favorite.

$500? Damn, that is impressive. You must've been a favorite.

We were, actually. It was in Austin, Texas at the Club XTC. I was there for a friend's bachelor party. We were the only white patrons, by coincidence, and were given VIP passes. We elected to stay in the main 'show room' (to stay in the back is BIG bucks), but we had several girls that stayed on our laps for hours on end. I think they enjoyed it, we were really nice to them (a lot of other patrons are very demeaning and lewd). We shared our drinks (Protip: Strippers love Vodka), and a good time was had by all. We were really close to putting my friend who was the bachelor on the stage (includes pictures! :X), but we opted not to. The $500 was a bit of an accident...I had planned to spend about $200-$300 but I got coaxed into (by the way let me say I was fairly shitfaced during this entire ordeal) a lapdance that lasted 30 minutes, it ended up costing $180.I spent an extra $10 a few times for them to dance full nude on/around me. The $180 girl let me finger fuck her, encouraged it actually. She also gave me a semi-blowie through my pants....
Oh my. What a night

$180 for a lapdance? Now I wonder if I've missed my calling.

What an interesting conversation. Did his curiosity turn you on ?

To be honest, I may have gotten a semi when he asked, cause to be honest he's pretty damn attractive, both physically and personality-wise, but he's straight and I totally respect that, and even if he was into guys at all doing things with someone I'm supervising would open a host of potential problems that I'd rather avoid.

Unlike my own supervisor, apparently...got an email sent to all staff about her today. Apparently the reason she's been out for the last two weeks is because she was screwing around with the other guy she was supervising and she got pregnant...and the baby had problems and didn't make it. =/ I mean, I've suspected this was the case for months...you don't interact with two people for years and not notice when shit's going on, but meh, it's none of my business and I want it to continue being none of my business. Now that it's out to everyone though, I think there's going to be some awkward conversations at work when she gets back. I just hope I can avoid them. -.-

Sorry for that tangent...just what's on my mind.

Is that when you're going to come see me? :3

I would have thought you would be busy with work and stuff.

My fascination with coding was more of an obsession than an interest...

It is beautiful, even if you want to deny such.

You've absolutely done a wonderful job and I think you would thrive wherever you decided to go with this..

Aww...thank you! I hope it will continue thriving

And congrats on your promotion...it's well-deserved!

Feeling so lost lately, don't know which way is up anymore.

* Wintermoot hugs Amalya tightly

It's understandable with everything you're going through. The best advice I can give is to hold onto who you are, because that's your foundation as a person and who you are is awesome. And don't be afraid to reach out for your friends if you need help, or comfort, or people to talk to. I know you usually prefer keeping things to yourself and not 'bothering' your friends, but they're your friends for a reason...they really don't mind. And they want to help if they can...

And posting here is a good start, too.

I think I might be a bit of a bitch

Feeling so lost lately, don't know which way is up anymore.

The sky is up, silly.

But seriously, I can't imagine what you are going through..
What I can suggest, in my feeble attempts to console, is to meditate as much as possible.
When things seem their hardest that's all I can do to keep sane. I wish I was there in person..I could help you learn what my therapist taught me. I'll see if I can find a good youtube video that might be able to teach you liken to what he taught me. Daph you have to be you, always. You're too beautiful and heartwarming to be anyone but Daphne. Keep hold of that and fight strong, we will always be here for you (as you've been here for us).

I think I might be a bit of a bitch

What makes you think that?