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Say What's On Your Mind
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Laurentus
  • Regional Stability Squad
  • Count of Highever
  • Random question: which avatar of mine have people most closely associated with me over the years?
    Probably the White Walker or Darth Maul. I forget the older ones, I recall some man's portrait as a later one here on Wintreath.

    Also, that Ozymandias quote that you've kept on your personal text for quite some time.

    Oh, shit, yeah, the Night King. I literally just realised that he fits this month's theme too. *changes avatar

    Yeah, I'm quite fond of the Ozymandias quote.

    Thank you. You've helped me settle on my avatar for Almaren.
    In die donker ure skink net duiwels nog 'n dop, 
    Satan sit saam sy kinders en kyk hoe kom die son op. 
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    Laurentus
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    Michi
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  • Level 167 Caticorn God of Destruction
  • I need some advice.

    So I did the taboo thing and tried dating a friend of mine.  We got together for a couple of days just to hang out since it'd been ages that we'd seen each other, things were said, and things happened.  We decided to try the actual going-on-a-date thing, so we spent another couple of days together, this time less things were said (from my side at least) and nothing happened.

    I don't really feel anything for him in that higher setting beyond friendship.  Like...okay, yeah, I thought I had a slight crush on him, but after spending the time with him, I actually don't.  I want to say something to him, but I find it really difficult to get the words out.  It doesn't help that he normally lives 30 miles away (and I have no car), we barely see each other, and our conflicting work schedules make it difficult for us to really even text each other consistently, let alone actually talk or get together.

    Unfortunately, he's still really into me.  Like, really into me.  He has a huge crush, is basically okay that we haven't seen each other in almost a month after our attempted date, talks as if we're already in a serious dating relationship, and it's just making me more and more uncomfortable.

    What's worse is that not only is he a friend of mine, his parents are also good friends with my parents, with our dads being friends since before I was even born.

    I really want to say something to him, but I don't want it to be cheap words on text or even a call, he deserves more than that.  But with our days off constantly being taken up by other things, it makes it really difficult to set anything up, and the last thing I want is for him to have to drive all the way down here just for me to break things off with him.

    Another capper to this is that I've actually started talking to a guy that I have a good feeling about.  I feel terrible for talking to someone else without cutting things off with my friend, but I just don't know what to do.  I know there's absolutely no way around making it pretty much one of his worst days, but I just can't think of the best way to approach this when the option not only keeps getting pushed back, but also makes me feel worse if I were to have him come up this way just to break it off with him.

    Ugh, I just don't know what to do.  Any advice?
    « Last Edit: February 17, 2019, 07:17:34 AM by Pengu »
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    Michi
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    Wintermoot
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  • Could it be that you mostly just wanted things to happen with this friend, and you weren't really interested in dating him to begin with? Could it be that this issue has come to the forefront because someone better and more convenient has come along?

    And before I offend you, let me say that I don't think you would intentionally get with some guy you weren't really interested in in order to justify things and then want to ditch him when something more convenient comes along. But I wonder if you would be self-aware of your intentions and motivations enough to know if that was what was really happening here. Either way, you got in a relationship that you shouldn't have (either because of this or because you hadn't spent enough time with him beforehand to know you didn't), and you both deserve to know exactly why that is. Do some soul-searching, and then tell him how you feel and why you think things got to where they did. If you have to do it by phone, video chat, or text, it's important that you tell him you're not really interested in him as soon as possible. Don't leave him hanging, thinking that you want him and that you guys are going to have something great together. The sooner he knows the truth, the better.


    I went all the way to Cassadega to commune with the dead
    They said "You'd better look alive"
    Wintermoot
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    HannahB
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  • Hey Pengu,

    I was typing something out but Moot got most of what I wanted to say in before me, so I'll keep it brief.

    I've been on the other side of the coin there, had a huge crush on a friend who thought she had a crush on me and all that. She broke it off after a while since she liked me much more as a friend. That felt really bad, but I am still friends with her to this day, when I get the chance to see her. The important point (and I know it was said above) is to let them know soon.
    The longer it goes on the worse it can be, and in some ways letting someone know over a phonecall or text can be good, especially if they feel strongly about it, since it could be harder for them with you there in person. It does depend on the person and how they would react though.

    Finally, how ever you let them know it has to be gentle, and you should explain yourself, you can start off by saying it's been something that's been really bothering you or that you really need to get off your chest.

    I can't assure you it will be amicable, but I can tell you that the longer you wait the less likely it will be, cause things like this can't last.
    That's my advice, I hope it's something at least, in the end though what happens will be all up to you, and I wish you luck.
    2 people like this post: taulover, Michi
    HannahB
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    Michi
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  • Could it be that you mostly just wanted things to happen with this friend, and you weren't really interested in dating him to begin with? Could it be that this issue has come to the forefront because someone better and more convenient has come along?

    And before I offend you, let me say that I don't think you would intentionally get with some guy you weren't really interested in in order to justify things and then want to ditch him when something more convenient comes along. But I wonder if you would be self-aware of your intentions and motivations enough to know if that was what was really happening here. Either way, you got in a relationship that you shouldn't have (either because of this or because you hadn't spent enough time with him beforehand to know you didn't), and you both deserve to know exactly why that is. Do some soul-searching, and then tell him how you feel and why you think things got to where they did. If you have to do it by phone, video chat, or text, it's important that you tell him you're not really interested in him as soon as possible. Don't leave him hanging, thinking that you want him and that you guys are going to have something great together. The sooner he knows the truth, the better.

    Actually, I didn't really plan or want anything to happen, and I was interested in the idea at first.

    In reality, it's more the fact that the more I got to know him in those few moments we were together, the less I felt interested in him in that kind of way.   Like, he's a good guy and sweet, but he's also a bit clingy, he's into a lot of things that I'm not into in the *ahem* sense (which, yes, I know that's usually open to compromise), and he talks about his ex (from a few months ago) enough to where I feel like I'm more or less the rebound guy.

    And usually I am pretty aware of my intentions and motivations when I get with someone, yes.  But I do offer the courtesy of letting them know what it is when we're getting together, because I'm usually also aware of the implications if I were to lead them into thinking it was something that it wasn't.

    And no, you're not really saying anything that offends me, since you're only hearing what I'm saying, and not actually being here and knowing the full bit.  So it really only makes sense to consider that it might be something other than what I feel like it is.  :)

    Hey Pengu,

    I was typing something out but Moot got most of what I wanted to say in before me, so I'll keep it brief.

    I've been on the other side of the coin there, had a huge crush on a friend who thought she had a crush on me and all that. She broke it off after a while since she liked me much more as a friend. That felt really bad, but I am still friends with her to this day, when I get the chance to see her. The important point (and I know it was said above) is to let them know soon.
    The longer it goes on the worse it can be, and in some ways letting someone know over a phonecall or text can be good, especially if they feel strongly about it, since it could be harder for them with you there in person. It does depend on the person and how they would react though.

    Finally, how ever you let them know it has to be gentle, and you should explain yourself, you can start off by saying it's been something that's been really bothering you or that you really need to get off your chest.

    I can't assure you it will be amicable, but I can tell you that the longer you wait the less likely it will be, cause things like this can't last.
    That's my advice, I hope it's something at least, in the end though what happens will be all up to you, and I wish you luck.

    Well that's good to know that you're still friends.  Admittedly, most of the time I've broke it off with someone, it was amicable and we were still friends in some capacity.

    Most of the time.

    I've had the negative side as well, and since he's also a family friend, that's what I'm afraid of.  I don't want it to turn really negative, and I don't want it to affect my dad and his dad's friendship.

    In reality, I've also been waiting for him to break it off, since normally at this point the other person would usually just agree that this amount of non-contact wasn't working.  But that's stupid on my part, I know, and his continued desire to hope for the best is pretty much the result of that.

    Thankfully, I really don't know how to break it off with someone without trying to be at least somewhat considerate about it.  Even if the relationship was bad, I'm usually still hesitant and try to break it off as nicely as I'm able to.  So that at the very least shouldn't be an issue, I'm just more worried about the result.
    1 person likes this post: HannahB
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    Michi
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    Michi
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  • Alright, so I called him and broke it off with him over the phone.  He seemed pretty depressed, but I know he's also been dealing with a lot of other stresses, so he was already pretty down.  But he's still game for us being friends, and we're still going to get together in March and hang out in a non-romantic setting.  But I'm thankful it ended better than I thought, even if I still feel bad for doing it when he's already at a low point with everything else going on.
    4 people like this post: taulover, Red Mones, HannahB, Hydra
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    Michi
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    Arenado
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  • Well, I'm glad it ended well, Pengu. I'm sure somewhere out there is the man for you :]
    1 person likes this post: Michi
    I Hope You Have A Nice Day :]
    Arenado
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    Michi
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  • Thanks! I believe that too, as I believe there's someone out there for everyone.  ^_^

    In other news, I got to do something I've been wanting to do for a couple of years now...

    As you know, I came here from 10KI almost 5 years ago now.  And as you know, I brought a little game with me that ended up becoming a sort of region staple.

    Well, you also might know that this isn't a Pengu creation.  This was a rework of an already existing game called Mafia.

    When I joined 10KI back in roughly 2013, I only knew the game Mafia from the offline version...I had no idea it was playable online.  But going through 10KI up in March, I saw that there was a game offering signups.  I took part, and from that moment I was hooked.

    A month later, I wrote up the thread would soon become the community's signpost for past games, as well as discussion group for future games.  I played games rabidly, hosted some of my own.  In ways, Werewolf became my new obsession.  For 21 games I took part in 17, and hosted 3.

    By game 16, I had already joined Wintreath, and was already in the middle of hosting our first game here.

    It's February of 2019, and we're already close to game 20 (only 3 away).  5 years, and already almost 20 games have been hit.  And that's not even including branch offs, spinoffs/multiple titles, or summersend games.

    I am honestly so incredibly humbled that Werewolf has done so well here, and that wouldn't have been possible without the person who introduced it into 10KI and made it a phenomenon there.  If I hadn't gotten to see it and take part there, I would have never been able to be a part of it.  Wintreath would have more than likely never seen a Werewolf game, and we might have been a different region today without it.

    Likewise, I probably wouldn't be the same.  Werewolf has helped me make some wonderful friends on here, and has been very helpful in my creative side.  I even was able to make a complete story for the first time in my life thanks to this game (sure, it doesn't make the most sense and is short, but it's still a monumental accomplishment for me, and yes I'm talking about Santa's Apprentice).

    I owe that person so much for being the integral part in sparking my love and obession for this game, and today I actually got to thank them in Discord for making such an impact on my life.

    I've really been wanting to thank him for a while now, and it was one of the best feelings in the world to finally be able to do it.  And I want to equally thank everyone on here for taking interest and helping make it grow.  Even though my obsession for it has slowed a bit over the years, it's still a big part of me, and I'm thankful every day that each of you have helped make it fun.  And I'm always thankful of the person who first helped me see what a wonderful game it is, in many ways.
    4 people like this post: Red Mones, Gerrick, Hydra, Imaginative Kane
    « Last Edit: February 18, 2019, 03:03:47 PM by Pengu »
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    Michi
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    Laurentus
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  • I have recently become very involved in animal rescue and relocation, after I took my cat in. While that has mostly been spreading the word to interested parties who could take care of people's pets when they could no longer look after them, for whatever reason, I haven't really considered adopting any of these animals myself.

    The same friend of mine who gave me the Siamese cat seems very aware of the traits I value in dogs, and when two of her friends who are going through a divorce told her they needed a home for their 5-month old Rottweiler immediately, she apparently gave them my number on the spot.

    I met the dog tonight, and felt an instant bond form, the same way as I did with my childhood dog, and the bull terrier that passed away a few months ago. So I adopted him on the spot. It is quite the steal, too, as it is purebred and very well built. Had I bought this dog as a puppy, it would easily have cost me R6000, and here I am getting it for free.

    I honestly don't know why I love animals so much. I despise most people, and interacting with most people. I remember I always got a lot sadder in movies where animals died, and didn't give a shit when most humans kicked the bucket.
    In die donker ure skink net duiwels nog 'n dop, 
    Satan sit saam sy kinders en kyk hoe kom die son op. 
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    Laurentus
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    Chanku
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  • So, I've been going back on forth on this for a while now, and it's been a bit of time that I've been considering how I wanted to do this. However obsessing over the details won't help so fuck it, I'll just post it here.

    I would prefer it if everyone used she/her pronouns and the like when referring to me from now on, I don't necessarily think a long and involved post is necessary, but yeah. I'm trans, I'm still going by Chanku, just use female pronouns and stuff now.
    See you later space cowboy.
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    Chanku
    Wintermoot
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  • Congratulations on discovering and coming out as who you are, Chanku. :)
    3 people like this post: HannahB, taulover, Yuno


    I went all the way to Cassadega to commune with the dead
    They said "You'd better look alive"
    Wintermoot
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    Yuno
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  • Congrats Chanku and thanks for letting us know!

    You can always feel free to be yourself (and some day it will be easier to in RL too) your friends will be here to support you! 
    2 people like this post: Clytirrisia, Chanku
    Yuno
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    Wintermoot
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  • Congrats Chanku and thanks for letting us know!

    You can always feel free to be yourself (and some day it will be easier to in RL too) your friends will be here to support you!
    Welcome back to Wintreath, Yuno. Even if it was just to pop in. :)
    1 person likes this post: taulover


    I went all the way to Cassadega to commune with the dead
    They said "You'd better look alive"
    Wintermoot
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    Arenado
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  • I'm very happy for you, Chanku, and wish you the best going forward.
    I Hope You Have A Nice Day :]
    Arenado
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    Michi
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  • It always takes a strength to come to realization of who you really are and to be able to tell the world.  Kudos to you Chanku for being able to do so, and I wish you the best on your journey to continued self-discovery.
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    Michi
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