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I don;t know what I'm going to do, I've been so close to suicide for so long, and now I've found a way out. I know it's wrong but i have no other outlet.

I suppose I should clarify a little bit. I have been depressed for years. I have a history of suicide attempts and my arms are scarred as hell. The past few months have been especially difficult as I feel my grip on reality slipping. My past is not a happy one and it has definitely contributed. At first I tried drinking to ease my suffering, even showing up to school drunk on several occasions. Recently, an addict friend of mine offered me an alternative. Being the needy, desperate fuck I am, I accepted his help, and drugs into my life. My parents aren't around enough to notice that I'm using. I just don't know what to do.

If you want to talk to someone, I'm (and I'm sure a lot of others) are here for you. Don't feel bad and suffer alone. Get it out and share. It can help to have people listen. *HUGS*.

Out of curiosity, what drugs are you using?

Also, Daylen is a great guy to talk to, I can vouch for him...he's one of my confidants. Also, you can talk to me or probably a lot of others, as well.

I'll give you a hint, It comes in a needle, and its illegal

Heroin? O_O

yes, and it's soooooo good

That's...pretty damn addicting stuff, there.

I know this sounds naive, but I'm not taking it regularly enough to get addicted i don't think.

* Wintermoot has heard people say that before about many things =/

hee hee, your Karma's at 69

Looks like someone found a bug with Karma <<

I did, it's true, but just so I could do that

Just something amusing I saw. Occasionally I make new puppets just to see what everyone's doing for recruitment. I was doing so tonight when I came across this.



Not only did this region copy the style of Spiritus' recruitment message and copies some of it verbatim, it then proceeds to slam the region by name as a region where people are "pushed aside and ignored". How do I know? Cause I wrote Spiritus' last recruitment message...at least I presume it's the same one they're using still.

Recruitment Message Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/JRwV3f0D

If I were still involved in Spiritus I'd probably be upset, but I just find it amusing...to copy someone and then have the nerve to attack them, lol. Ah well, they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery lol.

A few days ago, I found myself wishing I were like a cat. They're so carefree, and so happy as they lie on blankets and in rays of sunlight all day. Wouldn't that be such a nice, easy life? But then I watched the latest episode of The Mentalist, and it struck me to the core. It left me shaking at the end, so stricken by the characters, and the deep, woven story line that I was left desperate for another episode. It was, quite frankly, art. And beautiful art at that. Last year I read The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. It affected me in a much greater and profound way, the way the book was effortlessly crafted to wrap itself around your heart and clench it. It provided moments of choking sorrows and exhilarating bliss, while your eyes stayed glued to the page and tears ran down your face because damn it, every page read is one less you still have to read. The characters, Liesel and Hans and Rudy with the hair the colour of lemons tug at you and pull you in and engross you, leading you along in their tale of wonder and heartbreak. Your emotions were made to float at the author's whim, the raw hope and innocence exuding from the pages and grabbing at you and warming your heart like a child's first smile. Then it ended, sinking a knife into my heart and leaving me sobbing, crying over characters that don't exist because damn it it's art and it's beautiful. It explored human nature and emotions and the lengths we will go to to protect and serve morals that we fabricated for ourselves trying to make sense of this endless conundrum we call life with deep, striking prose and a memorability to last for years to come. But a cat can't read. A cat cannot watch late-night television dramas about tortured geniuses avenging their murdered wives and daughters nor read a tale about a young, starry-eyed girl stealing books from the most hateful regime mankind ever experienced. It cannot comprehend these emotions, love and sorrow and grief and happiness. It can not feel such profound emotion nor appreciate the beauty sitting in front of it. So, then, is it worth it, the laziness and carefree world of a housecat? Is it worth not having to get up every morning and work for what's probably less pay than you deserve to rob yourself of that ability to appreciate such profound beauty?