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Welcome all to the Church of the Holy Tuber

"And We Call On You Oh Great Potato To Bless This Shrine To Thee" -The inscription above the main door of the Cathderal of The Holy Tuber.


"And it called on all those loyal to it and those who loved it to dedicate their lives to it."-Fields 10:21



This is the Great Hall of the Cathedral, please feel free to discuss all potato-related items in here!

And the priest held high the Holy Tater high into the air and consecrated it, saying, "O Great Potatoe, bless this thy tuber, so that we may cultivate and praise the most Holy of your Creations, Great Spud!" 

And the people did cheer, and the priesthood did shout, and the Holy Potatoe was pleased. 

"Let not fear take hold of you, for as long as one have faith in the Great Potatoe, they shall have eternal starch!" -Proclamations 4:13 

And the priest held high the Holy Tater high into the air and consecrated it, saying, "O Great Potatoe, bless this thy tuber, so that we may cultivate and praise the most Holy of your Creations, Great Spud!" 

And the people did cheer, and the priesthood did shout, and the Holy Potatoe was pleased. 

"Let not fear take hold of you, for as long as one have faith in the Great Potatoe, they shall have eternal starch!" -Proclamations 4:13

And the High Priest came forward and said, "Will you, Brave Sir Robin, give your life to serve the Great Potatoe in his glory? Will you become a priest of The Great Spud?"

"He who sows mine fields shall reap the bounty of mine benevolence."-Proclamations 7:2

And the priest held high the Holy Tater high into the air and consecrated it, saying, "O Great Potatoe, bless this thy tuber, so that we may cultivate and praise the most Holy of your Creations, Great Spud!" 

And the people did cheer, and the priesthood did shout, and the Holy Potatoe was pleased. 

"Let not fear take hold of you, for as long as one have faith in the Great Potatoe, they shall have eternal starch!" -Proclamations 4:13

And the High Priest came forward and said, "Will you, Brave Sir Robin, give your life to serve the Great Potatoe in his glory? Will you become a priest of The Great Spud?"

"He who sows mine fields shall reap the bounty of mine benevolence."-Proclamations 7:2

And Brave Sir Robin, bowing deeply, reverently replied, "As it is said in the eighth chapter of Proclamations, 'It is the duty of all to spread the words of cultivation and devotion to the most Holy Spud.' I would be most honoured to be a priest of The Great Spud." 

"The gates of the field are open to all who harken to the call of the Great Spud" -Fields 15:12

PB sat in the back row, looking towards the altar.  His friend, who invited him, was up in the front row, chanting along with the High Priest.  Despite the intense weirdness surrounding him and the earthy, musk smell of the place, all he could think was,

"I wonder what their stance is on sweet potatoes."

And Laurentus did bow his head in consternation. "What's taters, precious?"

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Tuber, friends!  Do you have any questions about our central tenets and beliefs, or are you currently praying to the Great One, the Most Holy Spud, the King of all Kings Potatoe!?

"Share your wisdom with those who enter the sanctuary of the Potatoe, so that they may understand the reasons for his coming into the world to allow all to tend his fields." -Proclamations 22:12

A Papal bull has been posted on the door of the Church!

Spoiler

Non cadunt pro haeretico!
Haeretici decepti pollicitationibus sanctis amylum vos seducat!
Memento !
Non est nisi unus Deus. Et quis tuberosum est Deus solus.
Et recordare ne haeresis suffragium !

In Anno Tuberosum MMXVI
Crushita,
Speaker de Spiritu Sancto
Pope.

Potatus vult!

Vivat Potatoe!!  Mortem haeretici!!

"Fear not, for even in silence the Great and Holy Spud speaks to the true believer.  For a potatoe takes time to cultivate, and in doing so the Starchy One reveals to us the importance of patience." -Fields 10:12

"For the spud people spoke unto their Lord and Savoury: 'Thou art the true starchy one.', and the Holy and Apeeling Potato replied unto them: 'Yes, that's right.', and the people said: 'Oh good, we didn't want to come across as dodgy or owt, so we're glad you're okay with our praise and that'" -Mashgivings 22:47

*Ambassador Charles walks into the Church and salutes his fellow Worshippers*

Greetings, oh fellow Starch- knowers! I have been converted to the one great religion in the Church of the Holy Potato, in my home of the New United Kingdom! I wish to meet more fellow Spud-believers.

A priest wearing a jacket potato robe walks over to Charles and exclaims that "You will find everything you wish to, child", before awkwardly rubbing a ceremonial potato over Charles' head, and showing him to the pota-pews of worship where many believers sit in starchy prayer.

"No, no, trust me on this..." - Promises 13:4

Charles begins to meditate, transcending this plane and sending his astral form to a world of potato's, with the threat of the evil eggplant on the horizon. Charles focusses his mind and begins to create a barrier, pushing the eggplant ever further back. This eternal, daily battle is one of his duties as a member of the Potatocan in the New United Kingdom, and without this ceremony, the eggplant would overpower the potato's. As Charles is meditating, his physical form murmurs a chant.

"spuuddddddtaaattttteeeerrrrooooootttttttcarrrbbbbooooohhhhyyyyyyydddddrrrraaaatttteeees...Spuuddddddtaaattttteeeerrrrooooootttttttcarrrbbbbooooohhhhyyyyyyydddddrrrraaaatttteeees..."