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I'm curious, and it's a little off-topic...why did you not come out earlier? Did you live in a conservative area, with a religious family, etc? And what made you decide to come out when you did?

Incredibly complicated to answer. As a kid (from elementary school on) I was always called names ("Faggot!") and beat up.  The 'safest' response was to deny being a faggot (whatever that was.) 

I grew up in a nice little pocket of conservative suburbia.  But I should caution, I did NOT hear alot of anti-gay comments from adults (only the kids who teased me.)  But the flip side of that is that there were no obvious resources, gay role models, or even gay bars or places to go.  It was a non-existent concept. 

And so, I grew up in denial.  Then, as a 16 year old, I got involved with a fundamentalist religious group.  That enabled me to tell myself over and over that I wasnt gay, and, even if i was, that i could resist, or even better, be cured.  I ended up marrying a woman (because I was supposed to) and we adopted 6 children.  And I lived much of my life fascinated with men and the idea of sex with men, but denying myself. 

Sooner or later, that comes crashing down.

By the Mid 2000s, the pressure was agonizing: Jim McGready (Governor of NJ) came out, and I was in a political family; Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson was elected  (And I had finally LEFT fundamentalism and returned to the Episcopal Church, my childhood church); and Brokeback Mountain was released.  By this time, I was EXHAUSTED from fighting myself, and gave up fighting.

It was the best decision I ever made in my entire adult life.  I finally came to realize that the fear of coming out was actually greater than coming out itself.

I have lived the last 10 years in more happiness then the first 45 years of my life.  I am happily partnered to a great guy, my mom and kids still love me, and I've gone from the Closet to being an HIV Organizer, Pride Parade participant, and mentor for other married guys struggling to come out.

Probably more than you wanted to know, but that's me...

Wow, thank you for sharing. I hope I can gather the courage to do the same someday.
Thank you, really...

Well, this is the thing that troubles me a lot...if my son, will come one day and tell me that he likes man..
I will have nothing else to do...rather than just accept him and love him...cause it takes more than just courage and balls to admit and confess that

Thank you for sharing that.  Your story is unique, to me at least, and it's a very interesting glimpse into a world I've never experienced.

You're welcome.       It is a story that is *incredibly* common to men of my generation and to men in the "Bear" community. When I was President of the NH Bears, of 150+ members, more than half were closeted marred men who came out in mid-life, with amazingly similar stories....

It actually illuminates a vastly under-reported positive aspect of the growing acceptance of GLBT people: it makes it easier for men to come out earlier, thus preventing a ton of heartache among *straight* women (and families) because closeted men feel less of a pressure to marry women and 'conform' to 'what they're supposed to be.'

I browse sites like Adam4Adam and the like (never do anything but browse) and I see a lot of married men looking for action with guys 'on the downlow'. I wonder...it seems that the internet and the times has made it easier to come out and be accepted, but in some ways it's made it easier for men to hide and live second lives. =/

I think some people are prone to live second lives. Most of us, actually.

That's interesting, WM.  The internet grants total anonymity in a variety of ways.

That's interesting, WM.  The internet grants total anonymity in a variety of ways.

Exactly. Here we are.

That's an eye-opening story for me, Sachem. I can't say I've ever thought about that before. Thank you.

That's interesting, WM.  The internet grants total anonymity in a variety of ways.

Especially if you have the right toys on your computer. 

That being said I haven't come out to anyone.  Not because I'm scared or because I am worried of what will happen. But because I think it's preposterous to do so. I'm sorry my family and friends....and if they truly are so....will know who and what I am. Everyone of my friends and family members knows I'm gay on their own (except for one friend but she's very very non attentive to anything not shopping). I think many in the LGBT community do fear for what might happen due to all the stories you hear and read about of teens being disowned and cast into the streets. But honestly....when and if you do open up....many people find that their friends and family already knew and we're just waiting on the individual to accept themself.

And for the record I was not raised in a liberal household. Very conservative and Religious family. But I can honestly say that unlike some...the bible thumpers...my family is very open about things. As a child in my family your encouraged to do what you want and make your own mistakes to learn and forge your own path. The only time my mom has ever had an issue with my being gay was not the being gay but eith my first boyfriend whom was at my home one day. She walked in on us and  said "Not when we're home, it's to noisy". Ever since my first boyfriend she's not been as social towards the new ones but I think that's cause she really liked the first one.

All that aside I think Billy Gardell puts it best. When asked what he would do if his son was gay he said "What am I gonna do cry do over? That's my son. The only difference is instead of football I'll be going to ballet. But I tell you one thing...I'm not changing. I'll be up in the stands same as always "You call that a pirouette,  get your head in the game!" It's just all in the adjustments."

Isn't age a factor?  in terms of responding.

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All that aside I think Billy Gardell puts it best. When asked what he would do if his son was gay he said "What am I gonna do cry do over? That's my son. The only difference is instead of football I'll be going to ballet. But I tell you one thing...I'm not changing. I'll be up in the stands same as always "You call that a pirouette,  get your head in the game!" It's just all in the adjustments."

OK, I really hate uneducated stereotyping like this....I'm gay, I love sports (I teach a class n Sports Management), and  fucking hate ballet. Bores the shit out of me.  Yes, you can be gay and also embrace social masculinism.

All that aside I think Billy Gardell puts it best. When asked what he would do if his son was gay he said "What am I gonna do cry do over? That's my son. The only difference is instead of football I'll be going to ballet. But I tell you one thing...I'm not changing. I'll be up in the stands same as always "You call that a pirouette,  get your head in the game!" It's just all in the adjustments."

OK, I really hate uneducated stereotyping like this....I'm gay, I love sports (I teach a class n Sports Management), and  fucking hate ballet. Bores the shit out of me.  Yes, you can be gay and also embrace social masculinism.

I think you have to watch his show. I can see how the context sounds if your not overly familiar with the comedian so that's my fault for using a quote that can sound insulting out of context. He was being funny but attempting to say it doesn't really matter if his boy likes other boys or girls. It's his son and he will love him. Sorry about that.

All that aside I think Billy Gardell puts it best. When asked what he would do if his son was gay he said "What am I gonna do cry do over? That's my son. The only difference is instead of football I'll be going to ballet. But I tell you one thing...I'm not changing. I'll be up in the stands same as always "You call that a pirouette,  get your head in the game!" It's just all in the adjustments."

OK, I really hate uneducated stereotyping like this....I'm gay, I love sports (I teach a class n Sports Management), and  fucking hate ballet. Bores the shit out of me.  Yes, you can be gay and also embrace social masculinism.

I think you have to watch his show. I can see how the context sounds if your not overly familiar with the comedian so that's my fault for using a quote that can sound insulting out of context. He was being funny but attempting to say it doesn't really matter if his boy likes other boys or girls. It's his son and he will love him. Sorry about that.

No Prob...thanks for the explanation! 

If you have autism (like me) you suffer from a thing called "black & white questioning" it is very hard, it means what is good or bad, people with out autism usually have "the gray questioning" which sees things in both perspectives at the same time... religion is the same way. old to new... but they haven't really changed anything for the past 2000 years or more what is "right or wrong". I 100% support Bi, gay, trans, etc... they are humans and god created us to live with him in the heavens above and never judge us who we truly are... the "bible" states that all homos will drop into hell...um was that added during the late 1800s and early 1900s... thats a bit selfish what strait people want, have bishops EVER asked bis or gays about there feelings? My community is very supportive... in our high school we have the GSA (Gay Strait Alliance). Things change its part of human nature and life.

I took the courage to tell my mother that i was Bisexual, she smiled at me and said, "why didn't you tell me earlier than later" I responded, "I thought you were going to put me down, shun me, or always be angry at me". she told me that she will always love me for eternity... my family is very supportive because one of my uncles on my dads side is gay... I NEVER narc upon someone if there... bi or gay and hate it when people say gay in a sentence to blame something...

Another example for the change would be the difference's between woman's rights... that was illegal intel WE mad a change, WE can d the same for gay rights. Look at Vatican City they married over 1000 gay couples last year! Now thats what I like to see!