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When we feel strongly about issues that are important to us, it can be easy to come to think less of others who don’t agree with us, even here in Wintreath. It’s important to remember that we’re a community of friends with diverse thoughts, beliefs, and ideas (something we’re proud of!). We also all have feelings, and they can easily be hurt when debate veers into hostility and personal attacks.

This guide is meant to help prevent debates from getting to that point, with tips you can use to keep debates respectful and welcoming to all.

• Acknowledge Their Perspective: When we put ourselves out there in a debate, we want to feel like others are listening and trying to understand where they’re coming from, so make an effort to show that you are with language such as “I understand” or “I see your point”. If you genuinely don’t understand where they’re coming from, don’t be afraid to ask them questions. You might get to know them better as a person and learn something in the process.
• Affirm Their Views: It’s easy to focus on disagreements, but it helps to make a note of agreements too, even if they’re small or obvious. Sometimes we need little reminders that we’re not always on opposite sides, and that we’re not just out to try to nail people for being “wrong”.
• Hedge Your Claims: If you’re going to make a claim, try softening it if possible with words and phrases like sometimes, maybe, probably, possible, etc. When we speak in absolutes, it can come off as an attack on what others believe and cause them to become defensive rather than to remain open to what we’re saying.
• Use Positive Terms: Negative terms tend to be perceived as attacks, stirring resentment and causing debates to go astray. Framing your thoughts in positive terms can keep others from closing their minds to what you’re saying. For example, “I think it’s helpful to maintain social distancing” rather than “You should not be socializing right now”.
• Share Personal Experiences: If you have a personal experience that’s relevant to the debate, share it! It’s one of the best ways to convey where you’re coming from, and will encourage others to open up about their thoughts and experiences too.
• Be Careful Not to Lecture: When we have all kinds of facts and figures on our side, it’s tempting to lay them all out in what turns into a lecture that comes off like you’re talking down to others in a condescending manner. It may be better to sprinkle your facts over the course of the debate. You may also want to reference reputable sources when listing them as well, especially if others are likely to dispute them.
• If All Else Fails, Contact Ops: Even if a rule hasn’t been broken, if a debate is getting heated don’t hesitate to contact the ops team so we can step in before it escalates. Sometimes all people need is a gentle reminder to stay civil or a brief cool-down period to keep from crossing the line.

Respectful debate is something that takes care and practice, but it allows for a true exchange of thought that everyone gets something from. It also helps maintain our community of friends by creating a safe space for respectful disagreement and mutual understanding. Friendships take time and effort to build, but can quickly be lost over something regretful said in the heat of the moment. I hope that this guide will help us get the most of our debates while avoiding those situations.

Sources:
Psyche Digital Magazine: Argue better by signalling your receptiveness with your words