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ARTS: Snowflake Group Three
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Excalibur
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  • @Vroendal @Stigya2113 @Dawcreek welcome to ARTS: Snowflake group three! I will be your mentor for this class. I'm so happy to have all of you, and I hope you learn something from our time together.

    To start, I would like everyone to define the following terms. Since this is our first lesson, no deadline has been set for responses. Once everyone has posted, we will discuss the answers and move on to the next portion.

    Mary Sue
    Godmod
    OP
    Powerplay
    Direct speak
    Indirect speak
    First person
    Third person

    Good luck!
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  • Hello everyone! I'm excited to learn with you. These are my best guesses. (You can laugh at them if you want  :)) I have no idea for some of them, but that's why I'm here!)

    Mary Sue - A created character with seemingly no flaws in any way (has a negative connotation)
    Godmod - A modification which makes a character too powerful, to a godly level
    OP - Acronym which stands for "Overpowered" meaning that something is too strong
    Powerplay - An tactical action of hostility which has the goal of increasing the power (literal or figurative) of the action maker, either to show dominance or to defeat an opponent
    Direct speak - Speaking to another player
    Indirect speak - Speaking to a character through your character
    First person - When speaking, from your perspective, using the pronouns "I, we"
    Third person - When speaking, narrating actions, using the pronouns "he, she, it, they, etc..."
    1 person likes this post: Excalibur
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    Kye
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  • Greetings, I am glad to be here. That being said, I don't know what most of these stand for, but I'll try my best. Keep in mind, my wording isn't the greatest, so you'll have to bear that in mind. In the mean time, here are my best guesses.

    Mary Sue: A flawless character with no weaknesses.

    Godmod: When a character has god-like abilities and is seemingly invincible.

    OP: Overpowered; to be considered overly powerful and unbalanced.

    Powerplay: To have the advantage over someone.

    Direct speak: When a character is speaking to another character.

    Indirect speak: When a character is speaking to themselves or describing something.

    First person: A story narrated from the characters prospective; pronouns such as "I" or "We" are used.

    Third person: A story from the narrators prospective; pronouns such as "They" or "He" are used.
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    Stigya2113
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  • Cool it's finally starting! Hello everyone :wave:

    Mary Sue - A character with no flaws or weaknesses to the point they're boring. I know a lot of people have called Rey from the new Star Wars movies one.

    Godmod - Something that makes a character too overpowered to be fair for other players/characters

    OP - Over Powered.

    Powerplay - Messing with other players characters or making them do things they wouldn't.

    Direct speak - a real person talking to others.

    Indirect speak - characters talking to each other.

    First person - the perspective of yourself directly or your character.

    Third person - the perspective of an outside observer.
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    Excalibur
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  • Thank you all for your quick responses! I'll now go over my definitions for these terms, and then we can move on to the next lesson.

    Excalibur's definitions:
    Mary Sue: A Mary Sue is a seemingly perfect character who is depicted as unrealistically lacking in flaws or weaknesses. They can usually perform better at tasks than should be possible given the amount of training or experience and are judged as poorly developed characters, too perfect and lacking in realism to be interesting. They are often recognized as self-insertions, where the character is an idealized proxy for the player in the RP.
    Godmodding: When a character features god-like powers, such as invincibility, mind control, or the ability to do practically anything without limits or boundaries.
    OP: Also overpowered. A person (character or NPC), place, or thing that is considered game-breaking or too strong for the storyline.
    Powerplaying: Power-playing is when a player controls someone else's character without the other player's consent.
    Direct Speak: Quoting what someone said directly, or using someone else's words to describe what your character sees, thinks, or feels.
    Indirect Speak: Using the character's senses to describe what someone else has said, or alluding to past feelings and conversations without the direct quotes.
    First Person: Using "I" when describing a character's actions and speech.
    Third Person: Using"She/he/they/it" when describing a character's actions and speech.

    Lesson Two

    Before we can start roleplaying, we have to know what to avoid when roleplaying. Below, I've written a sample post that you all need to dissect and figure out what is wrong with it. Point out at least three problems that I have in the sample in your first post. Afterwards, post a revised version of the post to make it more suitable for proper roleplaying. There are more than three problems in this sample, so no one should have the same answers. Feel free to comment on your peer's work as well. Your posts can be done at the same time, or spread out.

    Aliya spread her arms wide, summoning to her hand her Djinn Staff of Ultimate Smiting. The staff was unbreakable, could kill anyone it touches, and was given to Aliya as a gift when she first left her small village of Stockhall after saving them from an army of dragons. She pointed her staff at Olhara, instantly obliterating her as she moved on to her next target. After disarming Neuvan with her secret fighting style that she learned in the mountains of Dendarhon, Aliya broke his magical shield with ease as she transformed Neuvan into a frog. After stomping on the frog, Aliya looked around at her other targets, all attempting to run away from her display of unlimited power. Since I am an angel-dragon-demon-elf hybrid, I was faster than all of them and dodged all of their attacks before releasing powerful magical energy and destroying most of the continent, along with my foes. Even though this blast should've killed me, my other artifacts protected me with potent spells. After gazing around at the wasteland, Aliya flew away to the nearest undestroyed city.

    The deadline for this assignment is roughly 48 hours from the time of this post, or 8:25 Pacific time on Friday, May 1st.
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    Vroendal
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  • Problem 1 - The Djinn staff is a clearly OP item
    Problem 2 - Neuvan was victim to blatant powerplaying
    Problem 3 - My personal pet peeve, the narration starts off with 3rd person, then transitions into 1st person, then returns to 3rd person

    You guys can have fun obliterating the remaining issues!

    Revised -
    Aliya returned her rapier, a gift from her father when she left home, to her side There were clearly too many opponents for her to handle with her merely intermediate fencing skills. She cursed inwardly at her misfortune. She had three options remaining, one, fight and either die or be imprisoned by those who faced her, some possibly magically gifted, two, attempt to flee from them even though they had already caught up to her, or three, surrender. The third option would seem the most sensible, but she had no idea how these traveling merchants dealt with thieves. She fingered the small pouch of coins she had been caught lifting from a merchant's pocket. She should have known better. She cursed inwardly again, muttering "this wouldn't have happened to an elf, curse these feeble human legs..." This was certainly a predicament. Sighing to herself, she tossed the pouch over to Olhara and dropped her rapier on the ground. "I'm sorry Neuvan... I surrender."  She wasn't sorry, Neuvan looked like a frog puffed up with pride to her. She started planning how to charm them with her middling magical talents, putting on her best sad expression, hoping her sister could get her out of this again.
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  • 1 - Aliya based on her backstory and abilities is a mary sue with waaaaaay too many “awesome” things about her i’m not even going to try to list them all.
    2 - Her staff is OP.
    3 - She used powerplay on all her opponents.
    4 - Perspective switches from 1st to third person.

    Revised: Aliya raised her Bo Staff in a defensive position and sized up her opponents. five on one, not good odds she thought to herself. While her father taught her to fight, and fight well it didn’t look good. Two of the guards, Neuvan and Olhara step forward. She had to think quickly. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a window. “Whoa, guys…this is all just a big misunderstanding.” She said as she seemingly lowered her staff to the ground. As soon as it was down she pulled two throwing knifes out of her boot and threw them in the direction of the guards a distraction, then bolted out the window hoping to elude them.
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    Kye
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  • 1. Aliya is obviously a mary sue, being seriously overpowered.
    2. Power-play was used against every opponent she faced.
    3. The sudden shift from third to first person and back.

    Revised:

    Aliya reached for her back, drawing the short sword from her holster. The sword was of decent quality, sharp enough to kill the average warrior, and was given to Aliya as a gift when she successfully defended the small village of Stockhall after helping the villagers fight off a group of bandits. She pointed her sword at Olhara, charging towards him. Prepared, Olhara blocks her strike with the handle of his axe, proceeding to kick Aliya away from him. With enough distance, Aliya pulls out her hunting knife, throwing it at Olhara and puncturing his neck, knocking him to the ground. As Olhara gurgles in pain with blood running from his mouth, Aliya walks up to him and finish's him off with a blow to the head. Before moving on to her next target, Neuvan witnesses the duel, confronting Aliya to surrender. Aliya refuses, making an attempt to stab him in the chest. Neuvan quickly reacts with a shield bash, knocking her sword out of her hand. Disarmed, Aliya uses her secret fighting technique that she learned in the mountains of Dendarhon to swiftly dodge Neuvan's oncoming swing and kick him in the knee, knocking him off balance. Aliya proceeds to put him in a choke hold whilst struggling to keep her grasp, eventually killing him. Aliya looked around at her other targets, all attempting to charge at her for her display of aggression. Since Aliya was wearing less armor, she was more agile than them and proceeded to pick up her sword, striking one of them before they could land a hit. Caught off guard, Aliya is stabbed in the shoulder, quickly becoming surrounded and being threatened to surrender. With seemingly no other choice, she casts her one and only spell to explode the ground around her, killing most of the foes and badly injuring herself. Having narrowly survived the blast, Aliya manages to crawl out of the encampment where she is picked up by a passing merchant. Willing to help her, they help Aliya onto their wooden carriage, transporting her to the nearest village to recover.

    3 people like this post: Vroendal, Excalibur, Stigya2113
    « Last Edit: May 02, 2020, 07:37:27 PM by Dawcreek »
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    Excalibur
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  • Great job all! I really enjoyed reading your edits of the original post. Now, on to the next step: character creation.

    Make a character that would fit in the environment of the above image. Your profile should include name, age, an imagined hometown, appearance, and biographical information. Once you have posted your character's profile, we will work on revising the characters and adding more details to them.

    I'll start:

    Name: Ulthrin Lightore
    Age: 38
    Appearance: A young, grimy, clean-shaven man with close-cropped blond hair and blue eyes. He wears the dirtied overalls of a lightning rail engineer, and wears a tool belt around his waist.
    Hometown: Junction, a town that stands at the crossroads of two major lightning rail lines.
    Bio: Ever since Lightore was born, he wanted to work on the lightning rail. When he was 18, he signed up to work on the House Orien lightning rail. He has now run hundreds of trips, and is adept at getting the most out of his engine, making for faster and smoother trips.

    @Vroendal @Stigya2113 @Dawcreek
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    Excalibur
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  • Name: Axel Cross
    Age: 26
    Appearance: 6 ft, athletic build, short brown hair green eyes. Dresses in dark grey armor over Jeans and a green leather jacket. Always carries an electric 2 handed broadsword and a revolver.
    Hometown: Sky Falls
    Bio:Axel grew up in the small and remote mountain village of Sky falls. Unlike the others who lived there Axel wanted to travel the world.When he turned 18 he left home to go and see as much of it as he could. Soon after he saw an ad for a position as an electric railway guard. Axel now travels the continent wherever the train takes him, protecting it from heavily armored air pirates and getting into as many adventures as he can.
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  • Name: Ainmosni Cinorhc, also known as Dead Eye.
    Age: 41
    Appearance: Most notable for having a massive scar across his left blinded eye; with his other eye being hazel. He is also tall and skinny with long black hair, a stubble beard, pale skin, and is infamous for wearing an entirely black outfit, including a cowboy hat with a feather poked into the side, a scully long duster coat with a fabric shirt underneath, a long pair of jeans, cowboy boots, and a gun belt with two holsters for his revolvers.
    Hometown: Dawson Creek
    Bio: Ainmosni was born to a poor family in a small mining town known as Dawson Creek. Growing up, he learnt how to shoot and forge off the land, doing whatever he could to help provide for his family. At the age of nineteen, tragedy struck. In the middle of the night, a grizzly bear came in and slaughtered both of his parents, being clawed in the eye whilst fleeing for his life; thus giving him his nickname. Upon fleeing, he fled to the near-by town of Salmon Arm, where he would be taken in by a gang and brought to Fort Mercer, forcing him into a life of crime, robbing trains for the next twenty two years.
    3 people like this post: Vroendal, Excalibur, Stigya2113
    « Last Edit: May 05, 2020, 05:55:16 AM by Dawcreek »
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    Vroendal
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  • Name - APM42 (Aerial Protection Mechanoid, 42nd gen.) "Whirlwind"
    Age - 35
    Appearance - A scratched up, worn, battle mechanoid with green eyes, dented white armor plating, and propulsion boosters. He is of average height but is stocky. He wields a war-torn greatsword.
    Hometown - The mechanoid production city, Cyberite
    Bio - Once a powerful warrior produced for war with a neighboring nation, APM42 proved himself deadly, becoming known as "Whirlwind" in the Battle of Cobalt Gorge. However, he slowly became obsolete, his brothers scrapped to produce the next generations of mechanoids. He recognized his plight before he was scrapped, and fought his producers, escaping, and now wanders the world as a mercenary, wondering what his purpose in life now is.
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    « Last Edit: May 05, 2020, 03:19:40 PM by Vroendal »
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    Excalibur
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  • @Stigya2113
    Great job! I really liked your description, and the names of both your character and his hometown fit in nicely to the setting. I also liked how you also gave a short description of his weapons, to help us get a sense of how he will fight in the RP. I have some questions to help you expand your backstory. How was his home life? Did his parents support his decision to go out and explore the world? How did he obtain his equipment?  What kind of armor does he wear (chain, plate, magic-infused)? Now that he's exploring the world, what's next? Overall, nicely done.

    @Dawcreek
    Wonderful work! I really liked your character description (and drawing that you sent me), as well as how you tied in his appearance to his backstory. I thought the name you chose for him was interesting, given that it is unlike other names we have seen so far (although we have only seen two). Is his name normal in Dawson Creek? How does he feel now about his life of crime? Is he bitter towards those who forced him into that life? What is his goal? Does he seek atonement for his deeds, or does he feel that there is nothing to atone for? How does Salmon Arm see the Fort Mercer gang? Do they see them as beneficial or a nuisance? I feel like if you answers those questions you'll have a truly spectacular character.

    @Vroendal
    Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto ROBOTS! I'm so glad you saw the opportunity to include a special portion of the inspiration image. I really like your description of the character, and took the opportunity to flesh out what would otherwise be a nebulous portion of the world here. You also leave his story open-ended, allowing you to develop him as the story continues. I also like how you describe him as "Aerial Protection Mechanic". What does that mean? How does he fight? Or does he defend? How does he feel towards others of his kind, either more advanced or less so? Does he wish an upgrade, or is he fine the way he is? What will people do if they recognize that he should've been scrapped? How does he feel about "organics"? You saw an opening for creativity, and took it. Really well done!

    Great job everyone! I love all the thought you put into your characters, and I can't wait to see where they go now. After this next post expanding your characters, we can start roleplaying!
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    Excalibur
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  • Updated

    Name: Axel Cross.

    Age: 26

    Appearance: 6 ft, athletic build, short brown hair, green eyes. Usually wears black jeans and a green leather jacket.

    Weapons: 1) "Spark" Two handed electric broadsword, modified to channel electricity and is charged by plugging into the lightning rail engine.   2) Eight shot .357 revolver gifted by his best friends father before departing Sky Falls.

    Armor: Dark gray plate armor exterior with brown leather underneath. Armor consists of chest plate, heavy cauldrons, and greaves.

    Hometown: Sky Falls - northeastern mountains.

    Bio: Axel grew up in the small and remote mountain village of Sky falls. As a child he always wanted to explore the outside world with his best friends Ruger and Gaige, despite the village being very isolationist and untrusting of the outside. However their plans changed when a band of raiders attacked the village. Axel grabbed a sword from a fallen raider and helped defend the town, but Ruger was killed by a raider and in the aftermath of the battle Gaige had disappeared almost as if she had vanished into thin air.
    For the next two years Axel trained with Ruger's father, a veteran of a previous war, and by the time he turned 18 and could choose to leave the village he was a skilled sword fighter and marksman. Ruger's father gave Axel his old revolver should it be needed. Axel went from town to town for a while before coming across a lightning rail rail and saw they were hiring security so he signed up. On his first run a small group of air pirates attacked the rail and Axel helped to repel them and saved the life of the head engineer. The engineer an idea to repay him and modified his sword so it could conduct electricity and be charged by the rail itself. He now rides from place to place defending his train while searching for his Gaige and hunting the raiders who killed Ruger.
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  • Updated

    Name: Ainmosni Cinorhc, also known as Dead Eye.

    Age: 41

    Appearance: Most notable for having a massive scar across his left blinded eye; with the other being hazel. He is also tall and skinny with long black hair, a stubble beard, pale skin, and is infamous for wearing an entirely black outfit, including a cowboy hat with a feather poked into the side, two bandoliers strapped around a long scully duster coat with a fabric shirt underneath, a long pair of jeans, cowboy boots, and a gun belt with two holsters for his armor piercing Schofield revolvers.

    Hometown: Dawson Creek

    Bio: Ainmosni was born to a poor family in a small mining town known as Dawson Creek. For a large portion of his childhood he was nameless and didn't get his name until the age of seven, due to his parents believing he'd die at a young age. Eventually, he was given the name Ainmosni Cinorhc, backwards for chronic insomnia; this was because he rarely slept and never seemed to fall asleep. However, most of the town became skeptical of his name and simply referred to him as Mosin. Growing up, he spent most of his time learning how to shoot, becoming a skilled marksman and using his skills to hunt and forge off the land, doing whatever he could to help provide for his family. At the age of nineteen, tragedy struck. In the middle of the night, a grizzly bear came in and slaughtered both of his parents, being clawed in the eye whilst fleeing for his life; thus giving him his nickname. Upon fleeing, he fled to the near-by town of Salmon Arm where he would be taken in by the Johnstone gang led by the infamous William Johnstone and brought to Fort Mercer, an abandoned sandstone fort from a long forgotten war. Upon his arrival, he was then forced into a life of crime, robbing trains for the next twenty two years.

    During his time with the gang, he wrote in a journal about how he felt about his new life. To him, it felt like a relief from his past. It gave him a purpose in life; to care for the gang and protect them as if they were his family, whilst giving money to those in need and robbing those who owned too much. He honored the gang and respected them for bringing him into this life, rarely showing resentment for their actions. However, at the age of thirty five, he meant his love interest, Mary, after she was brought in by the gang. He would later go on to marry her. Unfortunately, after a raid on Fort Mercer by the state police, his wife was taken captive and executed soon after. This both traumatized and infuriated Ainmosni, who had one goal in mind: revenge. Afterwards, with his co-leader status he earned for proving his leadership to Johnstone at the age of thirty three, he lead a raid on the town of Salmon Arm where his wife had been publicly executed by the law, burning and pillaging the town until it was nothing but charred wood and bloodied corpses. When he finally called off the raid, he went and retrieved Mary's corpse, burying her near Fort Mercer. Glossing over her death, he felt terrible for his actions. "Mary never would've wanted that" he quietly said to himself. He felt he needed to atone for the loss of innocent life during his raid, and made a promise to himself to only harm those whom were deservant. For the next six years, he and the gang would constantly be at war with both the law and the armed forces, for Ainmosni had fire in his eye and revenge in what remained of the other.
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