I've been thinking about death a lot recently, not as in suicide but rather as in existential anxiety. I'm so scared of death and dying it makes it really hard for me to function.
I envy religious people sometimes, because they are so sure they're going somewhere amazing after death. I often tried to believe but I just can't. All I can envision is the void and I'm so fucking terrified of it. I used to love looking at the stars in a clear night sky, to witness the greatness of creation, but now it just makes me feel insignificant and reinforces my fears.
I don't know how other people aren't as scared as I am. The only good news I have is that I still have around 60 years of life ahead of me. That's a long time, I'm only 25 and it already feels like I've lived forever. My family has very sturdy genes, no relative of mine died before 80 and most went well past 90, so I'll probably see 2070 or even 2080.
I just hope that in 2070 we'll have found a way to download our consciousnesses in servers and thus never have to experience death.
I am somewhat religious, but I've also had existential fear like this in the past. I took a certain class in college that both introduced me to it and helped me get over it. It was inside a federal prison. There was about 20 "inside" students and 20 "outside" students, and we basically discussed forgiveness, spirituality, and social movements. The whole class had an overarching Buddhist theme.
Basically, I discovered that 1. My time on this earth is extremely short, 2. Everything is connected to everything else, and 3. The universe corrects itself. By simply living, we share in this collective experience known as humanity. It was here before us, and it will persist after us, but we will make unique and beautiful contributions to it that will touch literally every other human. Those that come before you set our stage, we perform our act, and we discover that everything we thought we did for us, we actually did for the next generation of people. Because of this connection, we have an obligation to do good, not do evil, and do good for others (3 different things) within our short time. If we don't, we can expect the negativity to return to us because the universe seeks to exist in harmony and God (or whatever) will do what must be done to preserve the natural order for the next generation.
It puts everything in perspective - I'm essentially agreeing you that death will be here before you know it, but if you look at your life as an instrument of betterment for your posterity (not necessarily your kids, but humanity, which includes yourself), it gives everything new purpose and meaningfulness.
I can recommend some excellent books, if you wish to learn more. We read about 5 in this class. I hope this helps. It probably makes 0 sense but it's my truth, so I suppose I'm the one that has to understand it.
I liked PB's post above mostly because of how personal it shows each journey to be.
I just can't get myself to believe that there is any higher power that gives a shit about us (although I also don't believe that we can actually disprove the existence of some sort of creator, benevolent or otherwise).
Everyone is scared of death to some degree. What keeps it from being debilitating to me is focusing on the journey, not the destination. Am I happy? Do I have the means to be happy for many years to come? What actually makes me happy? If I think about it, I want people in my life, because they make me happy. I want to get a good job for all the opportunities it affords me. I want to find "the one," because loneliness kinda sucks. For all that to happen, I must improve myself, and I must learn to love people's differences, not merely tolerate it.
There was a Greek philosopher who simply said: "Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist."
Who cares if every single action I ever take is completely meaningless to the grand scheme of things and the universe will one day rip itself to shreds anyway? Why should I not be happy? It is indeed because of such gloomy thoughts that I try to spend as much time toward gaining the means to be as happy as possible for as long as possible, and to spend my journey with others, making theirs as pleasurable as possible, since only they have the means of doing the same for my own personal journey.
It's difficult to hold onto those thoughts when my depression sets in, which is why I keep a journal that I write in whenever I'm in the hypomanic or normal cycles of bipolar. Remembering that time my friends and I determinedly played poker in our little caravan while the storm outside was causing people's tents to get blown away, and crocodiles were carried to our campsites by the waves that had risen due to the wind, always makes me smile. It will keep doing that for as long as I can remember it. Why should I focus on my inevitable end when there are infinitely more pleasurable things to think about that are yet to happen between now and the time I die, and that have already happened?
Death is horrible, but it's one instant compared to so many excellent things that have happened and will continue to happen to me on my journey, which is also what motivates me to care about being successful, since I want to create as many of those moments for myself and others as possible. I want my children to have that, and remember me that way, and in turn allow their own children to have that.
But that is also my truth.
