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Wait what do you mean by this? Were you also heating chocolate chips and burning them?

Haha, no. I meant "I can't believe I didn't remember about it to recommend it to you." Guess my wording wasn't very clear.

Blimey it's been a long time since I looked at the Judicial Offices Act and the Code of Criminal Laws Act. It'll take a while to go through and find all the discussions about amending them too.

This poor topic has been ignored!  The poor dear.

It's okay topic, we still love you!

Congratulations to @Pengu for just winning the Mafia Championships for Wintreath!

And this is more the type of final post I would like to make. It's been real, Wintreath. I'll always cherish the good times I had here and the friendships I formed.

My time here is over, though, and I am not coming back.

Congrats, Pengu!

And goodbye from Wintreath, Laurentus.

Damn, Pengu. Congrats!

In the stats post that I made a few days back, I said that the forums were mostly used for forum games and government stuff, but I'm not sure that necessarily has to be the case. I've discovered that if you take some time and put some TLC into something, others will start doing so as well and it'll start to grow. For example, last autumn Katie and I started to put more time and effort into the RMB and region page...that led other people to get involved, and now the RMB community is a much better and more active environment than it's been for most of the region's history (though it still has its issues, lol).

A few days back I decided to try to make at least five forum posts a day, and so far these have been the results:

July 5th: 3
July 6th: 15
July 7th: 17
July 8th: 25
July 9th: 26

25 posts a day doesn't seem like a lot, but when you realize that over the course of a month it adds up to 750+ posts...that's pretty good for a forum these days. I'm just really happy with how the forums are feeling lately.

"Those of you who have the will to save this land, follow me. The rest of you...get out of my sight."

In the month since I've discovered it, I've come to love the Hemingway Editor.

It advises you on how you can improve your text by applying Ernest Hemingway's rules for good writing. It does this by pointing out use of adverbs, passive voice, and long sentences. It also judges the grade level needed to understand your text. The editor recommends your text be at a 9th grade level or lower. That sounds basic, but half of American adults can't read a book written at an 8th grade level.

Source: The Washington Post - Hiding in Plain Sight: The Adult Literacy Crisis

I'm a good writer, but the app has helped me realize flaws in my writing. I tend to write long sentences and use needlessly complex words. What I love about the editor is that it challenges me to write what I want to say in a simpler manner. Thinking through how to do that adds a lot of time to drafting a post, but it's time well-spent. When I'm finished my text is not only easier to understand but is more vivid and persuasive as well.

As an example, I used the Hemingway editor last night to improve my Underhusen proposals. Here's my original draft which before I would have considered finished. Compare it to what I actually ended up posting.

Spoiler

In the history of Wintreath, there have been few political discussions more long-lasting and contentious as the status of the Underhusen. It’s no secret that the Underhusen is rarely active or involved in matters that impact our region, to the point that the question has been raised repeatedly as to whether the Underhusen as it exists is relevant to the region at all.

Over the past several weeks, I have given the matter a lot of thought. The rest of this post is a summary of my thoughts on the matter, followed by a few proposals I think might help improve this and other issues in Wintreath. I will warn you in advance, it’s a lot of reading and the proposals aren’t as dramatic as you might think they would be, but I think it’s important to share my thought process, and I don’t necessarily believe that sudden, dramatic changes are always for the best.

If neither of these things bother you, please read on.

The Challenges of the Storting
The current structure of the Storting was adopted in late 2013, when Wintreah was a new region facing many unknowns. It was adopted with the expectation that Wintreath would primarily remain a NationStates region, and has not aged well as we have primarily expanded outside of NS. Furthermore, by design most of the practical policy-setting authorities rest with the Monarchy.

The result is that most of the policies the Storting can set have remained unchanged for years, with no ability to take on new policies because of issues with jurisdiction (can the Storting make laws for the Minecraft server?) or practicality (the Storting could regulate culture, but why would it?).

This has created a situation where the Storting is inactive, while those who join it with specific agendas to improve the region are stifled because the Riksrad is better-suited to implement those agendas. This means that the vast majority of Underhusen activity revolves around self-administration: elections, procedural rules, and seating acts. Most of the remaining activity is focused on awarding honours to Citizens, which has gained prominence in recent years as the Underhusen has struggled to come up with things to do.

The Benefits of the Storting
That being said, there remains some benefits to the Storting. Despite a lack of impact, Underhusen elections usually drive a decent amount of forum activity while remaining the easiest way for people to get involved in government. This is especially true for newer Citizens, who regularly run and get elected to the Underhusen. In the process, it also allows Citizens to run on a platform without taking on the commitment and responsibility required to join the Cabinet, including running in Thane elections.

Alternative Proposals
There have been two proposals in recent years that have taken opposite paths: transforming the Underhusen into an open assembly, and dissolving the Storting entirely. Although both proposals have been debated greatly, especially during the 2015 Constitutional Convention, I remain concerned that neither actually get to the root of the problem: a lack of impact or meaning. I believe that an open assembly would be even less active because most of the self-administration that the Underhusen does as it is would be eliminated. Dissolving the Storting would certainly eliminate the problem, but at the cost of eliminating the easiest avenue for Citizens to participate in government.

Thoughts on the Purpose of the Underhusen
What is the purpose of the Underhusen? That question has been asked many times over the years because it rarely produces impactful legislation, to the point where all our discussions about it have revolved around that fact. What I think has been missed is that the overarching purpose of the Underhusen is to represent the Citizens of Wintreath, and I don’t think meeting that purpose necessarily requires it to be an active legislature.

The reason that the Underhusen is rarely impactful is because outside of Citizenship law and matters involving Citizens (which goes along with its purpose), it doesn’t have the authority to. It wasn’t meant to. The authority and responsibility of building and running Wintreath rests with the Monarchy, and more specifically the Riskrad. So we’re confronted with the basic functioning of the government: the Underhusen represents Citizens, the Overhusen provides stability in legislative affairs, and the Cabinet manages the day to day affairs of the region.

Rediscovering the Underhusen’s Purpose
Framed this way, the question isn’t how to make the Underhusen a more active legislature, but how to make it a better advocate of Citizens to the branches of government that represent me: the Overhusen and Riskrad. When I think of it that way, it becomes obvious to me that we should figure out how to enable the Underhusen and the Riskrad to work more closely together.

To that end, I propose a joint Riksrad-Underhusen channel on Discord and forum here on the forums. The purpose of these areas would be for the two bodies to discuss the needs of the community, to discuss issues raised by Citizens (see below), and to jointly plan and administrate the region under my supervision. I believe this would make the Underhusen a more effective body by being in “the room where it happens” while resolving the issue where those who run for Underhusen with an agenda outside legislative affairs are left stymied.

I have to admit, I’m not sure how exactly this would work. This is a new idea after all, but at a minimum I hope that the joint group would set goals for the region that we could all work toward.

Embracing Direct Representation
Of course, we don’t live in “Field of Dreams”, and building it doesn’t mean that anything is going to happen. It’s not guaranteed that having these joint areas will make for a more productive government. Besides that, when I asked last week many people stated a preference to directly represent themselves, which is understandable.

That’s why I’m also proposing a new area on the forums for Citizens to raise issues and make suggestions. It would clarify where on the forums suggestions should be made, and resolve the issue of having a Discord #suggestions channel where people can’t discuss suggestions made. What would make this new area different though is that it would include several mechanisms that would force a discussion and response from the government.

1) Once any member of the Riksrad or Underhusen has marked the topic for discussion via a button similar to a like button.
2) Once the greater of 10% of total Citizens or 10 Citizens have marked the topic for discussion

Either of these things would trigger a discussion by the government and require an official response from the joint group or the relevant office within a certain amount of time.

In Conclusion
While neither of these proposals sound terribly grand (especially compared to Burn It Down), I believe that together these proposals will allow Citizens a greater voice in government, give the Underhusen a revitalized active purpose, and eventually create a more streamlined government that’s nimbler and more decisive, while maintaining our status as a strong Monarchy. I also strongly believe that this arrangement would spark further changes in the future as the two groups work together and the way government works evolves.

Some Before and After Stats
Readability: From Grade 13 to Grade 7
Reading Time: From 04:51 to 04:45
Words: From 1214 to 1191
Paragraphs: From 27 to 29
Sentences: From 54 to 96

What's interesting is that by the end I'd used fewer words, but almost doubled the sentences. What the stats don't show is that I also added in more content. Although there's fewer words, there's more substance than in the original draft. When I read the difference between the two drafts, I'm excited about how much better the second reads. Of course, I don't use the Hemingway Editor for every post, because that would be overkill. But I do use it for announcements, proposals, articles, and other things I want as many people as possible to read. I used it for this post though, because it'd be weird to not use it for a post promoting it, lol. xD And I don't always accept its suggestions either. Sometimes I feel that there's a meaningful point in using an adverb or passive voice. See what I did there?

tl;dr, I'm sharing how impressed I am with how the editor improves my writing.

Hmm, I think this editor is also being too overzealous in another aspect. While every sentence being needlessly long is bad and hard to read, so too, I think, is splitting every sentence up into short ones. There's a time and place for especially short sentences (particularly to emphasize more important ideas) but long sentences are also useful for expressing and developing ideas more precisely. When you make every sentence simple and/or short, it doesn't flow as well. The reader gets tripped up by pausing at the end of every sentence, which in turn makes longer passages more difficult to read.

There is a quote by Gary Provost (who, according to Google, was an American writing instructor) that's stuck with me, and which expresses that idea pretty well:

This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.

@taulover: In my experience, the editor takes into account the complexity of the words in the sentence too. Sometimes you can replace a a complex word with a simpler one and it'll remove the mark. It makes sense...it's about readability, not just short sentences. When I use the editor, I think the result is a happy medium.

Of course, the editor only suggests issues. It's up to you to decide whether its valid or not. I consider each issue it raises, but like I said, sometimes I leave things as they were.

@taulover: In my experience, the editor takes into account the complexity of the words in the sentence too. Sometimes you can replace a a complex word with a simpler one and it'll remove the mark. It makes sense...it's about readability, not just short sentences. When I use the editor, I think the result is a happy medium.

Of course, the editor only suggests issues. It's up to you to decide whether its valid or not. I consider each issue it raises, but like I said, sometimes I leave things as they were.

Right, this was just the thing/aspect that stuck out to me when reading both versions of that post. The edited version is better in a lot of respects, but (IMO) one thing that seriously makes it harder to read than it needs to be is that there's now a lot less variation in sentence length and structure.

@taulover: I guess it's just a matter of opinion. I think breaking it up into more sentences makes it easier to read. At least it does to me.

It might be up to personal opinion, but the guides and such that I've seen on writing sentences do seem to suggest that variation/balance is key. Overusing long sentences is a super common problem (and one that I struggle with too). But having short sentence after short sentence makes writing choppy, and less able to convey more complex thoughts clearly.

Oftentimes breaking up long sentences is a really good thing. In some cases though, it splits up the flow of an idea, making it harder to take in especially when being read quickly. And if every sentence is fairly short, it also feels like every sentence is making a super important point, which can make it more difficult to see where the key ideas and conclusions lie.