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After that pleasant conversation with Laurentus, I decided we should have an MA thread. Here it is.

So let's talk about how awesome MAs are, what we've done, how long, anecdotes, etc. I'll kick off the thread tomorrow.

Just came back from Judo and I got headbutted in the cheekbone, not on purpose of course. Hurts like Hell. I choked out a black belt with okuri-eri-jime and threw a guy with osoto-gari twice with my famous skipping entry. Got thrown only once but I also fought standing up only once because my cardio is utter shit after being out of training so long and I felt like puking. Gatorade made it worse and it's the last time I bring this shit to practice. Randori is hard work.

Anecdote time.

Years ago we had a visitor from Brazil. His family came here to live but they eventually moved to Montreal (why anyone would move to Montreal I'll never know). He had done some BJJ so he was pretty good on the ground and at the time I was pretty new to Judo, I think I had just gotten my orange belt.

We were rolling and I do something stupid and the guy catches me in a sankaku-jime/triangle choke (for those not in the know, that's roughly when the head and an arm are trapped between a person's leg, with one ankle jammed under the other leg's knee, which locks it in the shape of a triangle, hence the name. You try to close your thighs together and optionally push down on the head with your hands to choke) except he can't put enough pressure to choke me because my head is a bit too low, so he's vicegripping my head instead of my neck.

I'm doing my best to escape by trying to pull my head out and I'm getting there little by little. That's when it hit me. The smell of shit. A strong, terrible smell of shit. At first I thought the guy farted in my face, which happens so I wasn't going to hold it against him, but it just wasn't going away. The lower my head was, the closer I was to his ass and the more it fucking stank. I've smelled some disgusting things in my life but there's nothing like the raw, unadulterated smell of human shit. I'm trying to breath with my mouth but the smell is so goddamn strong that now I can taste shit, which is much worse than smelling it. I switch to my nose but the lower I get, the worse it is.

At this point he's still controlling my arm and my elbow can't bend anymore. He's holding on to it for dear life to keep me there and pulling on it to try to get me higher. I'm still not getting choked but the smell is absolutely awful and still not going away. Just writing this I can smell it. Then a light bulb pops in my head : this guy doesn't wash his asshole. It wasn't a fart, even a powerful one, that eventually dissipates. It was the smell of possibly years of unwashed ass. I don't know what the hygiene standards are in Brazil but in Canada this doesn't fucking fly. This never happens. Everybody washes his asshole.

At this point, thanks to my Eureka moment I'm thoroughly disgusted (I was already around 75% disgusted, this upped the disgust level to over 9000%). The choke isn't good but he's stubborn and I can't escape the position. I'll be damned if I stay one more second next to an asshole that hasn't been washed since Dom Pedro II was Emperor of Brazil, so I tap. Mercifully, this torture ends and I can smell nicer air, then the instructor calls matte (stop) and asks us to switch partners. I quickly bow out and then take French leave, my specialty since I'm French (digression : in French, the translation of "to take French leave" is filer à l'anglaise, which means "to leave the English way").

I find another partner, a friend of mine, and the dipshit is smirking at me. I ask him what's that shit-eating grin for, and he tells me he's watched my whole ordeal. He adds "stinks like shit, eh?" Apparently he'd been caught in the shit choke too a few days back and had a nice, long whiff of that unwashed asshole and came to the same conclusion I did. So logically, that means this guy indeed never washes his butthole. We swore never to get caught in this guy's triangle again. Next practice I got stuck with him again and I gave him some of his own medicine when I was the one to get him in sankaku. Well, I say some because my butthole was clean and didn't smell like shit and the choke was good, so there's that.

After a while he got informally famous around the dojo for the shitkaku, which is not a very nice reputation to have. When the instructor called for newaza randori (rolling) you could see everyone gravitating away from him and looking elsewhere for partners. Last one out without somebody else loses. Aside from that the poor guy was very nice, so it's somewhat a shame. It's also pretty difficult to tell somebody "will you wash your fucking asshole man?" I don't know if anyone had the courage to do so because I sure didn't, I don't know if he ever took a washcloth, warm water and the strongest soap one can find to wash his butt, because I never got caught in his triangle choke again, even if I had to spaz out to avoid it.

Maybe the shitkaku is a secret Brazilian BJJ technique. He loved sankaku, always tried to pull it on us, so I'm sure everyone got to smell "it" at least once. In any case, it's a damn effective one, but it's quite the dirty technique.

Jesus, at some point it might be considered tough love to tell the guy that his ass stinks.

Perhaps it's part of his technique.  Make you get caught in a hold to where you'd have to smell it and get so thoroughly grossed out that you'd want to tap out to just get away from it.

Disgusting as all hell, but obviously it works.