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trader — 02/05/2023 9:56 PM
michi isnt a bad person but i think doubling down on his take and not being able to say sorry i hurt you with what i said is not helping the problem

trader — 02/07/2023 2:22 PM
And uh, that thread has been handled well (Wintermoot's note: I think he meant not been handled well)
I'm not saying impossible but with some care it can be done
Care has not been applied

trader — 02/07/2023 2:28 PM
An appeal to their pain is probably the only way to try to recover
Apologise for hurting them if not the opinion
It's not going to happen, is it?

Glacial Ragnarok — 02/07/2023 3:24 PM
That is fine within it of itself. However, the way it was phrased and presented was and still is (because again, no redaction or apology) incredibly insensitive.

Your apology is an expression of care, not a confession of shame.

I went through LinkedIn Learn's Inclusive Mindset course this week, and when I heard this sentence I immediately realized something.

Not only were we on different pages in focusing on Michi's intent vs. the impact of what was said, we were on different pages on what an apology meant. To me, it seemed like it was being demanded that he say what he intended to say was wrong, or at least that he apologize without even knowing what he was really apologizing for. But I think what was really wanted was just an apology that what he said hurt them, and that he cared enough about them to care about how they feel. And the same goes for me as I got more tangled in the mess myself.

And I probably confused things even more when I kept stating that people were demanding an apology from Michi for his opinion. When I said Michi's opinion, I was talking about his intention, but I think they were talking about how what he said was taken. Because of that disconnect, I may have even given the impression that how it was taken was actually what he intended to say, and if that's the case then I'm sorry to everyone involved, including Michi.

I don't know how I didn't get that at the time...trader outright stated it as plainly as possible, but I guess I didn't have the right mindset to properly process what he was saying at the time. I obviously didn't engage in deep listening (another term I learned from the course). After everything happened, I realized that there should have been an apology that what was said hurt them...I think I said as much at the time. But even then, I didn't realize that what was really being asked for was an expression of care. Something about hearing that phrase triggered a better understanding for me.

It's one thing to be offended and upset...quite another to be offended, upset, and feel like the people involved don't care about your feelings. Especially when those people are supposed to be your friends.

Three months later, and I'm still working to overcome my flaws and incompetencies. At this point, it's clear to me that I was woefully unqualified to help moderate a community in a professional manner. To be honest I didn't even see the need for professional moderation. I thought it was some sort of formal, cold, even corporate attitude that would take away from who we were as a community of friends. But what it really means is having the knowledge and skills to better understand and respond to where people are coming from as individuals, to recognize their feelings and respond in a way that assures them that those feelings are cared about, and to handle situations in a manner that is least likely to result in hurt, anger, disillusionment, and broken friendships.

In short, professional moderation doesn't take away from a community of friends, it adds to it. In fact, it's the lack of professional moderation, especially on my part, that has taken away from this community of friends, as the last three years has proven.

I'm not speaking on behalf of the RSS when I say this (although I don't believe they're opposed to it by any means), but going through these sorts of trainings, one thing I would like to see in the future is training and professional development for ops and community leaders. To better my own learning, and in recognition of the fact that not everyone can afford resources like LinkedIn Learn (which I have access to through my employer), I'm putting together guides based on what I'm learning: one on conflict resolution and one on fostering diversity, inclusion and belonging.

I'm hoping to also include free resources that will make for a program that will help ops and leaders alike better able to understand situations as they happen and respond to them in ways that reinforce the kind of community we want to be rather to repeat the mistakes of the past that has lead to so much hurt and suffering. We cannot go back and change the past...the damage is done, and I have to accept that. But we can make improvements for the future, so that we can have a stronger community where everyone feels like their thoughts and feelings matter...one they feel they truly belong in.

Goodness, it's been way too long since I've posted what's on my mind.

The last few weeks I've been making probably the biggest effort of my life to get healthier...I've consistently worked out for the last three weeks, started making changes to my diet (though I need to work on this aspect more), and probably done more types of exercises in that three weeks than I have at any point in my life outside of gym class back in school! xD

It actually started a month before that though, when Aragonn left for basic training...in the time that he's been gone, I've come to realize that Ara is someone that I look up to in a lot of ways...mentally and emotionally, he's one of the strongest people I know, and I admire his strength of character and integrity. The fact that he made such a big decision at his age (he's not fresh out of high school when joining the military might be easiest) made me want to make big changes to improve my own life.

At first I just did more of what I've always done, and I fell flat on my face. For a long time, I've walked regularly, even if it's just pacing in my room, and then a few years ago I added squats because there was a squat challenge and it just seemed like a good thing to get into. For that I have relatively strong legs, and over time I did lose 25 pounds, but then I plateau a few years ago and have hovered around the same weight since. So I did more of that, and not only still plateaued but was insanely sore for it, and the effort fell apart.

I knew the problem was that I needed more variety in my workouts, and I needed to work in my diet, but where to start? I've looked into different things, and I always ended up feeling overwhelmed...I've read a few things on health and fitness, but I'm not an expert, I'm unsure what exactly would be best for someone of my age and weight, and I can't exactly afford to hire a personal trainer.

Enter ChatGPT. It was just an idea...sometimes ChatGPT can be hit and miss, so I didn't expect much. At first I asked it about what I should consider in putting together a plan, and it gave me some generals in goal setting, diet, exercise, sleep, and accountability. Then given my age and weight, I asked it to generate a specific workout plan for the next week. It gave me a plan with a different focus for each day (Cardio and Lower Body, Upper Body and Core, etc) that included a warm-up, exercise, and cool-down segment (I'd never done warm-ups or cool-downs before). It also warned me to listen to my body and if the workout was too much to readjust...but as I did it, I was surprised that the plan was challenging, but doable! It felt perfect for where I was at.

At the end of each week, I ask it to give me questions to consider when planning the next week, then based on my answers I have it generate a new workout plan. Week 2 upped the amount of reps and time spent on things, and still felt challenging but doable. But it's week 3 (the current week) that really impressed me...this week we discussed many different aspects: what made me feel more fatigued, if I want to up the intensity or duration, if I'm open to more exercise variety, the balance of cardio vs strength training, and even if I'd consider purchasing exercise equipment (it recommended resistance bands if I could only get one thing). Then based on my answers, it generated a plan for week 3...but it didn't just add new exercises or upped the reps (though in some cases it did that), it actually modified existing things. For example, doing the same amount of squats as last week, but holding them for 3 seconds...or, fewer glute bridges but doing them with one leg raised.

This has been the most intense week yet, but I'm doing it, and I have to admit, I'm proud when I complete a workout...and especially a week of workouts. I'm not going to say miracles have happened and I've lost a lot of weight (I actually gained half a pound the first two weeks before losing 2 pounds this week), but I feel a lot more energetic and like I have more stamina. Last fall when I was moving things into the place I'm staying at now, I was a brick on the coach for days afterwards...but this week moving most of it back into storage I was ready to resume my workouts the next day. I'm sore the next morning after a workout, but it seems like once I start my day it goes away, which feels healthy.

I'm making some diet changes too based on ChatGPT's advice, but nothing as profound yet and most of this just in the last week: switching from whole milk to 2%, switching from white bread to whole-wheat, substituting fries for sweet potato fries, and swapping potato chips for various rice dishes as a side.

Everyone who knows me knows I'm a huge ChatGPT fan, but this might be the most impressive thing it's done for me yet. I'm sure a trainer could put together a more efficient plan for me, but the point is that it was able to cut through all the information out there and generate specific plans that are actually making a difference for me and getting me to workout and change my diet in ways I've never done before. If it weren't for AI in this case, I'd probably still be trying to do intermittent research and just giving up in the face of so many possibilities. And I think that's the potential power of AI...how it can provide specifics in ways that search engines usually can't.

So that's my weird, modern-age journey so far. xD

Goodness, it's been a long time since I (or anyone else) has posted here. xD

I ran into this article about an intentional community called Radish, where 19 people live together in a sort of loose commune. It reminded me of my old dream of a Wintreath teamhouse, especially when I read the "Obvious Truth" that guides the community: that people are happiest and healthiest surrounded by people they love and admire. And I guess in some way Wintreath has always been that for me online, and hopefully for others. It was interesting to read that it's something other people have been looking for too...I always thought I was weird for having this idea where a bunch of people decide to live together offline...or at least for people to have an offline base as they live their lives.

For me it was always more of an aspiration that I'd fantasize about once in awhile, but the people who founded Radish figured out how to make it work both logistically and financially: residents have their own units in the commune (some are apartments and some are houses) and jointly manage how the community runs (food system, taking care of communal spaces such as outdoor spaces, kitchen, living room, etc.). They pay rent to a LLC, which is jointly owned by investors (most of whom are also residents), who jointly make business decisions such as when to purchase or renovate property. The LLC is set up so investors make a 5% yearly return on their investment, so someone who is both a resident and investor would essentially have lower rent...or even end up making money depending on how much they invested.

And apparently it's been successful. According to the article, a number of former residents ended up living close by so they could walk over and continue to be involved in the community as a guest.

I wonder if there's a way to apply some of this principles to online communities, too. For the last few years I've been more interested in building a small, close-knit community than one with a lot of people, because I think those communities have a lot to offer in terms of intimacy and connection and friendship. I think social media has shown the folly of having one website/app with everybody on it: "Even Adam Mosseri, the head of Instagram, admitted that users have moved on to direct messages, closed communities, and group chats."