I feel that a public apology is the only way that I can even begin to make up for what has happened.
Since we've made peace and have started exchanging views, I have realized with growing horror how badly I have personally wronged each of you, and how deeply each of you have suffered because of it. I don't know how exactly things came off the rails, but I know that I failed you not just as the leader of our community, but as your friend, especially those I have been friends with for years like AJ and North. You both have been my good friends and loyal and dedicated members of the community for years...even if there was something that in my eyes seemed suspicious, you deserved better than what happened. You deserved the benefit of the doubt. You deserved the chance to address the things that made the situation seem suspicious before I gave into it. You deserved the opportunity for us all to come together and hash this out among ourselves as friends. I know that not all of you wanted to step forward at the time, but I should have begged for us to come together if that's what it took to work this out. But I did none of these things. I privately gave into suspicion, began looking for reasons to question your motives and your characters, and allowed the ops team to do the same.
I thought I was trying to handle the situation as a founder. Instead I forgot that we should have been trying to handle the situation as friends, and I proved to be a horrible friend in the process.
But it's even worse than that, because when it broke out in public and others built on my suspicions to make terrible, vicious attacks on your loyalty, your character, and your reputation here on the public Discord, I did nothing. I didn't do anything to put a stop to it. I didn't stand up for you guys. I never thought about how it must have hurt to be the target of such vicious scorn by others in a community you had been part of for months or years. I gave into my suspicions and came to believe them fully, and after that I never even considered that it all may have been an honest misunderstanding until Doc started reaching out and convinced me of the possibility. Doc proved to be a better friend than me here.
Worst of all though, for months afterwards I felt that this was all somehow ok. That your leaving and all that happened afterwards was just the unavoidable consequence of putting the region first. But even if that was true, and it wasn't, I should have known that this wasn't ok, for people I considered close friends and pillars of the community to have left in anger. I never personally reached out to any of you, or made any attempt for us to to directly come back together and try again. I hid behind the piss-poor excuse that I didn't think you would welcome it, I guess to justify not even bothering to try. And I felt this was somehow ok when I should have felt that it was an abomination. I have no justification or reason or excuse for this. I only realized how wrong this was when we came together, and I am horrified at myself that I ever felt way.
Regardless of the circumstances or how things appeared, at each point it was my failure to you as a friend that allowed the situation to escalate, explode, and then fester. I wish that I could just blame Gally for everything, we could have our kumbya moment, and ride off into the sunset, but that would be wrong. More than anyone else, I am responsible for creating the situation that allowed everything else to happen, including him, and I am incredibly sorry that this situation ultimately hurt so many people, both of those who left and those who stayed.
There is someone that I feel deserves more here...
@North, I know I have wronged all of you, but I have failed you most of all. In all the time we had known each other, you had been nothing but a true, loyal, and dedicated friend to me and for the region. You never failed to put yourself out there for me when I asked you to, but when you asked me to do the same I did not. I considered you a best friend, but I certainly didn't act that way. You came to me as a friend to resolve the concerns you and the others who did not want to step forward had in the most peaceful, low-key way possible, and instead I took your secrecy about who their identities as reason to be suspicious without even giving you the courtesy of telling you how I felt about it. You had to find out about my suspicions from elsewhere, and I can only imagine how crushing that must have been. Then when you announced your departure, through my inaction I allowed others to attack your character and loyalty in incredibly vicious ways on our own Discord. I've read back through some of that recently, and I have no clue why I didn't stand up for you besides that, as pathetic as it sounds, it never came to mind to. Throughout it all I didn't do a single thing to treat you as the close friend I felt you were, and for that I failed you utterly.
I can't bring myself to ask for your forgiveness, because deep down I don't think that I deserve it. I'm sorry that you were so hurt by my inability to be the type of friend to you that you had always been to me. You deserved better than me. For what it's worth, my wrongs to you are fully recognized now, and I'm horrified at how I have treated you. That's all I can say for myself. I'm sorry I caused you to have to go through this.
-Wintermoot
