So I'm curious, Seroim and Laurentus...if for some reason your penises were to be removed, like if an angry ex were to chop them off and reattachment was impossible, would you no longer be men?
I would say "I'm still a man because despite being Bobbitt'd I still have the secondary physical characteristics of one"
But let's say that this ex manages to remove all that from me. My answer would be I don't have a clue. Now this is my personal opinion and feel free to disagree but when it comes to my own perception of myself and my own life, this isn't a question I find relevant. Not because I'm comfortable with my gender role because as I said, I know full well that I'm not a very good man.
Why do I think I'm not a very good man? Well, a man in the West is supposed to :
- found a family;
- be industrious and provide for it by working;
- compete with his peers;
- be ambitious;
- take risks;
- be dutiful;
- assertive;
- and responsible.
And what I am or do :
- I'm an antinatalist (having children is not a good thing to me so obviously I don't want any);
- I'm shockingly lazy and wouldn't even provide for myself if I could get away with it;
- I avoid any sort of competition like the plague because I hate losing;
- I don't care about my social standing and I am generally content with my yoke in life;
- I never take risks because I value stability, comfort and routine over unpredictable outcomes;
- I generally don't like committing to anything and I will always consider my self-interest before any sense of duty;
- I am extremely non-confrontational in my personal life and I will generally roll over simply to avoid a dispute (debates are an exception : when it comes to having an opinion I'm incredibly stubborn and always right);
- and not only do I shirk away from any responsibility I can avoid, but I always do the required minimum to fulfill them and no more.
There are things that I do well as a man. Men are expected to be emotionally strong : I can pass as emotionally strong but I'm simply emotionally blunted. Still, we'll say that counts. Men are expected to be rational : I'm so rational as to be predictable and rigid which is exactly how I like things to be. But on the whole, I'm quite a failure as far as men go. Most stuff men strive for, I feel no need to try to attain. Most things that are expected of men by others are things I actively avoid, and there are a few that I find ridiculous. Chivalry is a good one. The idea of acting differently towards someone else because she happens to have a vagina is silly to me, and I'm saying that as a straight man. Hell, my mom would be a much better man than I.
I'm generally ill-adapted to society so maybe the idea of gender is simply another I'm ill-fitted to. Gender-sex is a dichotomy I've never felt the need to distinguish, and perhaps more critically I can't even imagine what it feels like to do so. I'm not a very good man and truthfully I don't identify with my gender role at all : being a "man" in the purely social sense (embodying masculine qualities and responsibilities) is about as foreign to me as being a "woman". But I feel that's more a case of my rejecting superfluous and generally arbitrary social constructs that are irrelevant to my life and my sense of self-identification than identifying as someone with no gender.
Keep in mind, I don't think I've ever shared this but I do have an ASD (I'm on a spectrum too; just a different one). Maybe that has something to do with it. I've learned the hard way that even if I don't feel something, it does not mean that it doesn't exist. Sounds pretty dumb as a life lesson but that was a knock that took me a long time to learn and even now I'm still generally unable to ascribe to people their own desires, feelings and motivations : I just transpose my own on them, which is generally a recipe for disaster and makes people absolutely incomprehensible.
But this is one issue where I try very carefully not to do that (I learned that from personal experience, heh, launched a few shitstorms on the subject back in my day). I'm saying that because I have the feeling my post could be construed as saying that transsexuality or the idea of gender as something mental doesn't exist or that gender identity isn't important. That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm just saying that I don't feel it at all and I think I'm not ever going to be able to understand it, which conversely makes it a non-issue in my life. Maybe I'm lucky because that stuff sure sounds confusing.
So sorry if I have offended in any way, eh