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And who are you, the proud lord said, that I must bow so low?

I remember playing Age of Empires II with Aragonn and some of his friends years ago, and to this day it stands out as one of my favourite times coming from Wintreath. It wasn't because of the the game, which I thoroughly suck at, but because of the fun outside the game I had...the horseplay, the joking around, and the terrible flirting on my part toward his straight friends. I felt a sense of belonging. For a few hours each night we played, I felt like I was just one of "The Boys™" as Ara calls the group of guys he plays games with now.

Over the past week, I've come to realize that I've felt this feeling less and less over the past few years, and in talking to people I seriously wonder if anybody has really enjoyed this community in that time, with all the dramas and conflicts and breaks...trader speaks of invisible lines in his statement, and I've come to realize that over the past few years I've felt a line between myself and virtually everybody else. I've struggled to connect with people, even those I considered my friends, and I couldn't understand why. This disconnect and not even knowing why has been extremely frustrating to me over the years.

But now I think part of it is because as our community became more guarded and I struggled with connecting, I turned my attention to building Wintreath, to the point that between that and the conflicts themselves Wintreath begin to feel more like a second job to me. For at least the last few years, I've put at least 20 hours a week into Wintreath, even when I was struggling with mental health and even when I was homeless. I think I was doing it out of a sense of responsibility, a dream of making Wintreath into something amazing (forgetting that the only thing that can make Wintreath amazing is for it to be the type of community we all dreamed of it being), and fear of disappointing the people I knew were relying on me to keep things going.

More than that though, I think part of it was my own status. Sapphiron pointed out to me that I was seen as a "towering figure" in Wintreath, one that could be seen as intimidating and one that could be hard associating with as a friend because people see me first and foremost as the Founder and Monarch. I doubt my mishandling of all our major conflicts and my more guarded attitudes as a way of coping with the stress of those conflicts endeared me to anyone, either. I'll be honest, I never realized that people saw me this way, but in hindsight it makes sense. I remember once on the WARPP server TGN even decided not to tell a joke that he wanted to tell just because I was around, lol.

But the final realization has come from working with the Regional Stability Squad...unlike the Monarchy and the ops team, the members of the RSS are not my subordinates, but my equals. Every member drives discussions and conclusions in their own way, and while I wrote the draft of our discussion summary, it was only released after every member had a chance to make edits and sign off that they were happy with what we were presenting. I hate the circumstances that led to this, but working with the RSS as a team has been some of the most fun in Wintreath I've had in years. It's exciting to work as equals in common cause with friends who challenge me to be a better person, leader, and friend.

And in saying that I'm not implying anything about the friends I worked with who left. They are all amazing people who did so much to make Wintreath what it was in the ways they could. But the way things were structured, they were effectively my subordinates. They simply weren't empowered in the way the RSS is. Even worse, I've come to realize that most of our interactions resembled those between a manager and his subordinates rather than as friends who on some level all wanted the same things for Wintreath. No wonder I struggled to connect with most of them on a friend level.

I don't want to be a towering figure. I don't want the most impactful thing I've ever contributed to in my life to be reduced to being a second job. And I especially don't want my friends to be my subordinates. This isn't how a real community of friends should be ran...I want to work with my friends to do great things, not stand over them like some kind of superior that I'm not.

I intend to advocate for the abolishment of the Monarchy and to advocate for a body (both IC and OOC) that leads our community as a team of equals, much like the RSS is...a team that works together, not one that is ruled over. I want to spend my time in Wintreath as a friend and as part of a force for good in a way that a community of friends should be ran, not as an absolute ruler who towers over that community.

I don't have any details for how this will take shape at the moment...that will take time. But I wanted to let you know my intentions and the thought process that led me there. To be honest, I'm actually excited to reach to reach this place and to see how this takes shape, as weird as it sounds, but I hope the things that I've said resonates with at least some people in our community as well.

Edit: I was reminded that it was actually Sapphiron who said the words "towering figure" instead of Michi, so I've corrected that in the statement. Sorry for the error!