One day, a tree fell onto something called a potatoe. The potatoe was mad that someone had chopped it into tiny little French fries. Now it was defiled and unholy! Who would worship such a tuber? But it was Trader who fixed an altar for the Great Penguintater, Lord of Many Birds and Tubers. It was a glorious altar, complete with giant golden throne, with gems encrusted in the shape of an oddly shaped potatoe. Unfortunately, now that it had been turned into fries it shouted, "Hark! The Herald Angels Starch! Glory to the diced Potatoe!"
"Naturally, this glory consumed the potatoe," said Dan Quayle, Prophet of the Church of the Holy Dirk Gently. Then, he stepped out of the cave and into the Potatoe Laboratory. There, he found some sweet potatoes, which were heretical kumara. They should be thrown into the meat grinder for daring to defy the Holy Prophet. As a result, the Spud would be free to roam around in the Potatoe Land. Seeing all this, everyone decided to run to the other side of the great river and catch tadpoles. Suddenly, he emerged with a giant, very special doodad. It was witnessed by a tiny frog, who said "There is no god but Potatoe, this must be a false simulation!"
Elon Musk nodded. The frog's words made sense to the wealthy visionary. The frog continued, "We will go to the volcano and land the greatest interview ever!"
This made Elon excited, but confused. The new Falcon Heavy was not actually heavy, but really comparatively light. This ensured it could fully make crispy hash browns. Indeed, it was a work of art. The Donald's impious rejection of the Holy Potatoe had led to corruption within the Court of Owls.
"Oh dear!" exclaimed a deer, witnessing the tragic event. It then ran away from the scene of the inexplicable crime. Soon, the deer's quest for power was utterly scuppered. Why did it have to be a tragic crime? Surely the French dove would have known the truth about French military victories. The deer thus began a lengthy investigation into the crime. If only it could find evidence, then it could frame the real perpetrator, Taulover. Of course, there were three requirements. First off, the deer needed to collect ten stacks of dynamite. Next, it had to find and activate the ultimate mechanism. And then finally, the explosive chopsticks needed to be torn asunder. Only then could the grand plan be put into action. And so the dear deer did indeed enact the plan to frame a painting. Then, all he had to do was finally frame Taulover!
Quickly, the deer galloped to the nearest train station. Once there, it bought a ticket and prepared to ride into battle! It equipped its spear and shield, and its dynamite, and its potatoe. Equipment equipped, the deer waited while his furry sidekick ran off to fetch a hammer and sickle in time for the Great Proletarian Revolution.
"At last!" said the Communist sidekick, "It is time to unleash our wrath! Release the kraken!" He stepped forward, hand raised. Chanting, he cast a magic spell to vanquish the foul, cowardly, non-believing, fascist, corrupt, evil antipotatoest. He knew that this was the final battle. Everything revolved around this last day. The sidekick waited for the right time to unleash the power of a million trains! At once, the deer took flight, pulling Santa's sleigh. Like a comet, it crashed horrifically. It had flown nearly a mile before the dynamite became sentient, but the two reconciled, and as the pair became friends they decided to jump off of the sleigh, skydiving.
"Where do we land?" asked the courageous communist, licking his elbows voraciously. Finally, the decided improvement of the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot was dismissed by a referendum conducted by the Lorax. The skydivers then leapt from the sky and dived into the drink. Now drenched, they elected to forgo the planned attack. Or did they? No, they must discuss it first. With the help, they'd still fail.
Said the skydiver, walking towards the edge of despair: "How will we ever get home?" The skydiver's neighbors didn't know where to find the skydiver; they'd be dead if they couldn't find a Command & Conquer copy. And maps. Yuri was watching Youtube videos about extreme skydiving when the thought police smashed the doors. "For Big Brother!" the Thinkpol yelled. To the Minitrue! So they traveled to Temple Prime. At Temple Prime, they found a blue Tiberium field filled with inexplicably red Tiberium fields. The skydivers and thought police got together and danced. During the dance, a wild Pokemon stumbled across the Great Blue Sea. This wild Pokemon was then overcome with joy at the sight of the ocean and the big bright field of dancers. The bright colors that emanated from an extremely radioactive piece of pizza created a thousand
