So I deleted Grindr, and to be honest I don't really miss it that much.
I've been occasionally getting harassed by a guy, and it wasn't the basic "bother you for a date/why won't you talk to me?" type of harassment. To give you an idea:
I've reported him, blocked him, and he comes back and throws out more of those types of posts at me, every time getting more vile.
Full story, this was a guy that I tried the dating thing with. We talked for a bit online, and as per normal he seemed pretty okay. So I agreed to get together with him for the night and have a sort of date night.
It really didn't take too long to realize that he was obviously a bit different than he was presenting himself to be. Rather than being this kind and compassionate person that he built himself up to be, he was actually rather sarcastic and rude even just to people at the drive-through when we went to get food. Something also felt a bit off the entire time with him, but seeing as how I tend to overthink things with guys, I tried to ignore the feeling and continued to go with it.
He also told really deep personal stories that made me a little uncomfortable to hear since this was basically our first date. About something with his uncle to while I don't remember the details, I can still pretty much connect the dots when I remember that he told me that he actually was finishing the process of legally changing his name so that his uncle wouldn't find him.
Which, okay, whatever, it's a bit much to hear the details at the beginning...but whatever, honesty and being up front I guess.
Throughout the date, we talked about what we were wanting in the long run. I had told him that ideally I was wanting a boyfriend that it may evolve into something more.
His response? "Yeah, I'm just really wanting some good friends that I can get into bed with." So basically the way I interpreted, a friend with benefits type of deal. Okay, cool...not really for me, but cool. And throughout the night we talked a bit more (though I was really wanting to head home since I wasn't really feeling it, but since he was driving, I couldn't just up and leave), and I ended up spending the night at his place. Things obviously happened since I figured even if I wasn't into it romantically, I might as well just enjoy the one night (that, and I didn't feel comfortable asking him to take me home so late). And before that point I had made it clear multiple times that I wanted something substantial, and he had made it clear those same times that he was just wanting friends to get down and dirty with.
So the night happened, and then shift a couple of months later. I had just gotten my new retail job, so I had to call my former karaoke boss and tell him that I had to quit since my job wasn't scheduling me at a time to where I could do both. Unfortunately, both my boss and the guy have the same name (and I'm terrible with remembering to remove names from my contact list), so I ended up calling him accidentally. At first I thought I had called my boss, and sounded a little confused when I thought he sounded different. Then when I looked at the caller ID, it sunk in that I had called the other Gary, and felt really embarrassed and nervous to talk to him. It didn't help that I was with a couple of my friends who had picked me up from my work interview, and when they saw my saw my demeanor change and realized who I was talking to (I had told them about him after I had the night with him), they started laughing quietly...which of course made me nervously laugh as well as I attempted to shorten the conversation with him and end it quickly. Afterwards, I deleted him from my contacts.
About a couple of months after that debacle, he started texting me on my phone, which I ended up changing my number when the texts started to get nasty. Then he moved to Grindr, which was the place we had started chatting, and started sending similar nasty messages. Like I said, I've reported him, I've blocked him, and every time the messages get worse, more insulting and vile, and honestly I could take his last ones as subtly threatening on top of that. Part of me is a bit terrified since he knows where I work (he's seen me there when he's gone to shop), and I'm praying he doesn't remember where I live since he's only been by once.
But I've dealt with people of lesser caliber in that degree on Grindr, and I've tolerated it. But I can't deal with guys on his caliber of whatever it is you want to call it. Part of me felt that he wasn't completely there when we spent the night together, and I chose to ignore it and continue. And the aftermath feels like the consequence of ignoring that.
Though I will say, this latest message feels more like he's feeling most of that way about himself, and he's broadcasting it on me because he feels like I wronged him. I could be off base with that, but the last bit is why I feel that way since, unless he's much incredibly a dumbass, your age on Grindr is based on the year you give, which has me as 31, and since my birthday isn't until next month, I haven't turned 32 yet.
I dunno, in the end maybe I could have ended it better...but I mean when the guy uses the "friend" word often in one night to describe that he wants just that...would you really expect him to turn around and say things like "I was wanting something significant, but you used and abused me." ?
And really, it just gives me reason why I shouldn't use Grindr. It's not like I was really even having much luck since most people see it as a hookup app and nothing else. So maybe it's good that it just took some guy to make me decide that I really don't need it in the first place.
