4. Upon the conclusion of the election, the Underhusen shall, under supervison of the Monarch, select a member of its own to preside over the Underhusen. Further procedure shall be declared in the Procedural Rules of the Underhusen.The red word should be "supervision."
12. The Storting shall have the authorty to declare war upon another region or organization.Should be "authority."
9. The recall election shall compose of a forty-eight hours nomination period in which candidates may stand for election, followed by a seventy-two hours election period. The winner of the recall election shall assume the seat in question upon its conclusion."hours" should not be plural.
4. Upon the conclusion of the election, the Underhusen shall, under supervison of the Monarch, select a member of it's own to preside over the Underhusen. Further procedure shall be declared in the Procedural Rules of the Underhusen.This should be "its," but it is corrected in the actual Fundamental Laws, so it doesn't really matter.
8. At the Conclusion of each election, the Monarch shall immediatly open poll within the halls of the Underhusen, where prospective candidates will have 48 hours to stand as a candidate for Speaker of the Underhusen. Following the 48 hour period, all Skrifa may have one vote for Speaker of the Underhusen. The poll will remain open for 48 hours. The Speaker shall be chosen by popularity vote.Same deal with this, and it should be "immediately."
4. Section 3 of this bill will only become effective if the bill in it's entirety passes a referendum of all citizens of Wintreath.Same thing here with its. Did this person not have spell check on that day?
6. Any Citizen which voted in the previous regular election as defined in Article I Section 3 shall have the right to petition for the recall of any member of the Underhusen unless unless there are fewer than twenty-one days left until the next regular election.This one was also fixed in the actual laws.
6. A proposal which fails to gather the requisite number of signatures may not be petitioned again until after the next regular election.This is also fixed in the actual laws, I just thought I should point it out.
Recalls
6. Any Citizen which voted in the previous regular election as defined in Article I Section 3 shall have the right to petition for the recall of any member of the Underhusen unless unless there are fewer than twenty-one days left until the next regular election.
5. Jarls of Wintreath shall be titled His/Her Lordship and addressed as Your Lordship.These should really be "Lordship/Ladyship."
8. The Preamble of the Fundamental Laws of Wintreath shall be amended to read as follows;This should be a colon.
2) Article II, Section 6 of the Fundamental Laws shall be amended as follows:Should be "familial," though this is fixed in the Fundamental Laws.
6. The Monarch shall have the authority to issue decrees in relation to policies concerning the internal affairs of the Executive, the military, foreign affairs, famillial houses, the nobility, and any other Executive authority which has been expressly granted through this document or any relevant laws.
9. The recall election shall compose of a forty-eight hours nomination period in which candidates may stand for election, followed by a seventy-two hours election period. The winner of the recall election shall assume the seat in question upon its conclusion.This is the same one as the one I pointed out in the Fundamental Laws where "hours" shouldn't be plural.
4. Upon the conclusion of the election, the Underhusen shall, under supervison of the Monarch, select a member of its own to preside over the Underhusen. Further procedure shall be declared in the Procedural Rules of the Underhusen.This is also a repeat from the laws.
3. Section 4 shall be added to the Declassification of Private Storting Discussion Procedure Act, and it shall read:This is missing the ending quotation marks.
"Any powers given to the Speaker or Chairman by this act will also be given to the Speaker Pro Tempore and Acting Chairman if they are empowered by their respective Procedural Rules.
Nice work so far. However, I don't think there's any point to reviewing Royal Decrees, seeing as they've already been decreed and the Storting can't amend them.I suppose if Wintermoot wanted, he could make any needed grammar corrections to his decrees...
4. Upon the conclusion of the election, the Underhusen shall, under supervison of the Monarch, select a member of its own to preside over the Underhusen. Further procedure shall be declared in the Procedural Rules of the Underhusen.The red word should be "supervision."
12. The Storting shall have the authorty to declare war upon another region or organization.Should be "authority."
9. The recall election shall compose of a forty-eight hours nomination period in which candidates may stand for election, followed by a seventy-two hours election period. The winner of the recall election shall assume the seat in question upon its conclusion."hours" should not be plural.
5. Jarls of Wintreath shall be titled His/Her Lordship and addressed as Your Lordship.These should really be "Lordship/Ladyship."
8. The Preamble of the Fundamental Laws of Wintreath shall be amended to read as follows;This should be a colon.
3. Section 4 shall be added to the Declassification of Private Storting Discussion Procedure Act, and it shall read:This is missing the ending quotation marks.
"Any powers given to the Speaker or Chairman by this act will also be given to the Speaker Pro Tempore and Acting Chairman if they are empowered by their respective Procedural Rules.
It is my hope that the region and its community preserver through these latest events, just as they have through so many dark times before.This should be "persevere."
long after you've already chose Wintreath as your home.This should be "chosen."
so that if and when we adopt into it it will be clear to everybody what roles, if any, they will be taking on.There should be a comma between the two "it"s.
In time, I hope that in time the papers that spawn contribute to our community by educating and informing, as well as generating activity and discussion.The second "in time" here is redundant and should be removed.
and for our diplomatic partners there's the opportunity to publish their newspapersThere should be a comma after "partners."
that would could harm our region or even outright violate treaty if they were to be released.This should be either or, but not both.
and shall notifiyThis should be "notify."
Once classified, a discussions classification statusThere should be an apostrophe in this word
However, there is another category of founderless region out thereThis should be plural.
and shall notifiy"Notify" is spelled incorrectly here too.
Historically, the Delegacy of Wintreath has been appointed by the Monarch as all members of the Riksråd areI think there should be a comma after "Monarch."
and shall notifiyI'm guessing this repeated error is due to copy and paste.
the many syngergies we share as regions.
Both signatories agree to miltiary cooperationShould be "military."
A subordinate possession shall be defined as a region which a Party has either founded, refounded, or otherwise exercises control over through the subordinate possession's founder nation"exercises" should be "exorcised" because the rest of the list is in past tense, so it has to be in past tense too.
internal laws seperate from the SuzerainThis should be "separate."
29 October 2016,There should be a comma after "October".
This Treaty may be amended, through ratification by both the Vassal and the Suzerain, without termination of the Treaty./quoteI'm not sure how this wasn't noticed, but there's a random "/quote" in the middle of it. (There were [] brackets around it, but I had to get rid of them in the quote so it didn't think I was ending my quote of it)
if it feels the individual was an essential of member of the regional community"of" should be deleted.
or to the Speaker of the UndehusenThis is misspelled and should be "Underhusen."
In accordance with Section 3 (parts 1 and 2)
the Judicial Offices Act will enforce Section 3 [clause 1 and 2] of the Fundamental Laws.These two are inconsistent because they use different types of brackets and say both "clause" and "part."
3.1 Charax shall receive the Commendation of Wintreath for the followingThere should be a colon at the end of this.
3.1.1 Running the Foreign Affairs Department.When making a list like this, you need to be consistent as to whether or not to have punctuation at the end of each list item.
3.1.2 Being a major Contributor to the Fundamental Laws
3.1.3 Being the first Crown Prince of Wintreath
8. Statute of Limitation on this ActThis is the only section that doesn't have a period at the end of it, which is inconsistent.
1. This shall be titled the Definition of Public ActThere should be a period at the end of this sentence.
4. When voting, Overhusen members may cast one or the following votes on proposals:This should be "of."
a. The Chairperson of the Overhusen shall have the authority hold a vote open after the outcome has been declared, up to 7 days of the vote being introduced.The word "to" should be after "authority."
1.1 This shall be titled Procedural Rules of the Overhusen Amendment IThere should be a period at the end of this sentence.
2.1 This shall add section 10 which shall read:This wasn't actually added to the Procedural Rules of the Overhusen, and it should have been.
The Chairman of the Overhusen, or Acting Chairman if he/she is in use, shall keep an easily accessible archive of all former and current votes in a way that he/she chooses that all citizens shall have access to. In the event that the Chairman is unable to keep the archive up to date regularly, they may, at the approval of the Monarch or Regent, appoint a current citizen of Wintreath to assist them.
(b) A motion to Extend Debate may include a time period shorter or longer than 48 hours, but is not shorter than 4 hours and is not longer than 1 weeksThis should not be plural.
Abstain, indicating that the representative is voting neither in favor of or againstThis should be "nor."
The Speaker may close a vote, but leave the record open to allow other Skrifa to record their votes.There should not be a comma in this sentence.
The Speaker pro tempore, whenever he or she is presiding over the Underhusen, shall assume all of the responsibilities of the Speaker as listed in relevant law, and shall be subject to the same constitutional and statutory restraints placed upon the Speaker.The comma before "and" should be omitted.
The Speaker (or standing Speaker) may deem members of the Underhusen "inactive" if they are not present for a prolonged period of time, this status can be ignored if supplanted by either the "inactive" member stating they are no longer inactive in the Underhusen or by majority vote of all current Skrifa.This comma should be a period.
During this suspension no proposals may be introduced, motioned on, or voted on in the Underhusen.There should be a comma after "suspension."
*searches all spoiler titles for mistake and doesn't find it*
I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?
And it only took 6 months for me to get around to finally finishing it :D
I don't know what you're talking about; there's no error :D (totally)*searches all spoiler titles for mistake and doesn't find it*
I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?
And it only took 6 months for me to get around to finally finishing it :D
Statutory law not Satuitory :P
It's questionable, especially because you would be including the Fundamental Laws with that. So I would argue it should be split between multiple bills, at the very least two.I don't know what you're talking about; there's no error :D (totally)*searches all spoiler titles for mistake and doesn't find it*
I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?
And it only took 6 months for me to get around to finally finishing it :D
Statutory law not Satuitory :P
Edit: And I forgot to include this before: does anyone know if we can make a law that amends all laws with grammar mistakes? Becuase right now, all amendments just affect one law.
I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?I can see, considering that neologism you just made. :P
I'd say we'd need more than two:It's questionable, especially because you would be including the Fundamental Laws with that. So I would argue it should be split between multiple bills, at the very least two.I don't know what you're talking about; there's no error :D (totally)*searches all spoiler titles for mistake and doesn't find it*
I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?
And it only took 6 months for me to get around to finally finishing it :D
Statutory law not Satuitory :P
Edit: And I forgot to include this before: does anyone know if we can make a law that amends all laws with grammar mistakes? Becuase right now, all amendments just affect one law.
I mean it could be argued that the Storting has the authority to modify decrees, BUT I would heavily advise against that as the outcome would be a much weaker Storting.I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?I can see, considering that neologism you just made. :PI'd say we'd need more than two:It's questionable, especially because you would be including the Fundamental Laws with that. So I would argue it should be split between multiple bills, at the very least two.I don't know what you're talking about; there's no error :D (totally)*searches all spoiler titles for mistake and doesn't find it*
I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?
And it only took 6 months for me to get around to finally finishing it :D
Statutory law not Satuitory :P
Edit: And I forgot to include this before: does anyone know if we can make a law that amends all laws with grammar mistakes? Becuase right now, all amendments just affect one law.
1. Statutory Law
2. Constitutional Law, since that needs to go through the referendum process
3. Royal Decrees, because only Wintermoot can amend those
4. Overhusen Procedure, as the Overhusen would need to do that themselves
5. Underhusen Procedure, as the Underhusen would need to do that themselves
6+. Treaties, as these would need to be negotiated separately with the respective parties, so I'm not sure that would be worth the hassle
Arguably not; "Lord" is occasionally used as a title for females. So we should probably have a discussion on this before amending it as a typo.The Royal Titles and Styles ActQuote5. Jarls of Wintreath shall be titled His/Her Lordship and addressed as Your Lordship.These should really be "Lordship/Ladyship."
Amending amendments... somehow I find this nitpicking both satisfying and amusing. :DThe Royal Titles and Styles ActQuote8. The Preamble of the Fundamental Laws of Wintreath shall be amended to read as follows;This should be a colon.Declassification Amendment ActQuote3. Section 4 shall be added to the Declassification of Private Storting Discussion Procedure Act, and it shall read:This is missing the ending quotation marks.
"Any powers given to the Speaker or Chairman by this act will also be given to the Speaker Pro Tempore and Acting Chairman if they are empowered by their respective Procedural Rules.
That's a style choice. I'd recommend the comma for clarity, but that's not entirely necessary.Decree 005Quoteso that if and when we adopt into it it will be clear to everybody what roles, if any, they will be taking on.There should be a comma between the two "it"s.
(italics have been added by myself to provide more context)Decree 006QuoteFor our Citizens and residents there's the opportunity to become better informed or to become part of an independent newspaper, and for our diplomatic partners there's the opportunity to publish their newspapersThere should be a comma after "partners."
(italics have been added by myself to provide more context)Decree 010QuoteHistorically, the Delegacy of Wintreath has been appointed by the Monarch as all members of the Riksråd are, an arrangement which made perfect sense when only the Delegate and the Founder could hold authority over the region.I think there should be a comma after "Monarch."
This treaty just got repealed, so no need to fix this one. :D Speaking of which, I'm pretty sure our new Speaker (or our current Speaker, @BraveSirRobin, for that matter), is responsible for maintaining the archive, so the repeal law should probably be added in and the treaty struck out. Or is @Wintermoot responsible? Don't exactly remember.The Treaty of Friendship Between The Kingdom of Ainur and The Frozen RealmQuoteA subordinate possession shall be defined as a region which a Party has either founded, refounded, or otherwise exercises control over through the subordinate possession's founder nation"exercises" should be "exorcised" because the rest of the list is in past tense, so it has to be in past tense too.
Treaties generally don't have consistent style because of the different regions, authors, etc. writing them.Treaty of Friendship and Cultural Exchange Between International Northwestern Union and The Frozen Realm of WintreathI noticed that "Party" was capitalized every time in the treaty with Ainur, but it's not capitalized at all in this treaty.
Nope. This is the British/European/US military/MLA style. It's either the US style, "October 29, 2016" (with a comma), or the British style, "29 October 2016" (without a comma).The Covenant of Fellowship Between New Hyperion and WintreathQuote29 October 2016,There should be a comma after "October".
This is a copy/paste error to the archive from the Overhusen voting thread. Notice that next statement:The Covenant of Fellowship Between New Hyperion and WintreathQuoteThis Treaty may be amended, through ratification by both the Vassal and the Suzerain, without termination of the Treaty./quoteI'm not sure how this wasn't noticed, but there's a random "/quote" in the middle of it. (There were [] brackets around it, but I had to get rid of them in the quote so it didn't think I was ending my quote of it)
Peers may vote Aye, Nay, or may Abstain from voting.Our Underhusen Speaker (@BraveSirRobin) can probably fix that error now.
The archive is actually outdated in this case; there's also been a Procedural Rules Amendment II (http://wintreath.com/forums/index.php?topic=1848.msg27087#msg27087). The most up-to-date version can be found in the Overhusen forum (http://wintreath.com/forums/index.php?topic=873.0). I'm not sure who's supposed to update this, @Wuufu perhaps? Or the Underhusen speaker (@BraveSirRobin)?Procedural Rules of the Overhusen Amendment IQuote2.1 This shall add section 10 which shall read:This wasn't actually added to the Procedural Rules of the Overhusen, and it should have been.
The Chairman of the Overhusen, or Acting Chairman if he/she is in use, shall keep an easily accessible archive of all former and current votes in a way that he/she chooses that all citizens shall have access to. In the event that the Chairman is unable to keep the archive up to date regularly, they may, at the approval of the Monarch or Regent, appoint a current citizen of Wintreath to assist them.
I'm pretty sure this is the agreed-upon rule for commas (by many/most conventions), so I would make the change, but am not particularly concerned either way. (hehehe I used a comma there)The Procedural Rules of the Underhusen ActQuoteThe Speaker may close a vote, but leave the record open to allow other Skrifa to record their votes.There should not be a comma in this sentence.QuoteThe Speaker pro tempore, whenever he or she is presiding over the Underhusen, shall assume all of the responsibilities of the Speaker as listed in relevant law, and shall be subject to the same constitutional and statutory restraints placed upon the Speaker.The comma before "and" should be omitted.
Or a semicolon. Or a conjunction.The Procedural Rules of the Underhusen ActQuoteThe Speaker (or standing Speaker) may deem members of the Underhusen "inactive" if they are not present for a prolonged period of time, this status can be ignored if supplanted by either the "inactive" member stating they are no longer inactive in the Underhusen or by majority vote of all current Skrifa.This comma should be a period.
I'd argue that this is a style choice, though I personally would put a comma.The Procedural Rules of the Underhusen ActQuoteDuring this suspension no proposals may be introduced, motioned on, or voted on in the Underhusen.There should be a comma after "suspension."
Inconsistent style is an issue across all Wintreath law, not just the Seating Acts.All Underhusen Seating ActsThere is apparently no format used for all of these acts and they're all formatted differently and named differently. It got better in the last three Seating Acts, but one of them had quotation marks while the other two had italicized words. These could be fixed, but it's probably better to just have a set format in the future.
Also, every single Underhusen Seating Act does not capitalize "act" where it says "This act shall be entitled..."My Suggested Underhusen Seating Act format for the futureTitle
1. This Act shall be entitled the Underhusen Seats for the [Underhusen number] Storting Act.
Seating
2. The number of Skrifa in the [Underhusen number] session of the Underhusen shall be [seat number] (seat number).
(Notice how there's a space before the parenthesis)
I think you mean that the first "VI" should be a "IV." I guess @BraveSirRobin could fix that?Procedural Rules of the Underhusen AmendmentsThere are two "Procedural Rules of the Underhusen Amendment VI" amendments.
I believe that "Structural Amendments" was treated as Amendment IX (much as "Omnibus Amendments" was treated as Amendment I).Procedural Rules of the Underhusen AmendmentsThere is also no ninth amendment.
That concludes my report on the grammar errors in the Laws of Wintreath (*phew* :P).So I've just spent over an hour and a half going over your report... As Gerrick said, this must've taken forever to do. Despite my nitpickings, overall this is a very nice and thorough check of Wintrean law.
If anyone wants to give me feedback on this (*cough cough* @taulover), feel free to do so. I'll leave this here for awhile to wait for feedback and discussion, then I'll try to actually get these errors fixed.
P.S. There are some Oxford Comma errors, and I don't know if I should include those. I really like the Oxford Comma, but I don't know if it matters enough to include it here.
Arguably not; "Lord" is occasionally used as a title for females. So we should probably have a discussion on this before amending it as a typo.It was actually HannahB who first pointed this out to me in the IRC. I like the discussion idea.
Amending amendments... somehow I find this nitpicking both satisfying and amusing. :DI almost checked the Underhusen Procedure Amendments, but that would have been too much :D.
This treaty just got repealed, so no need to fix this one. :D Speaking of which, I'm pretty sure our new Speaker (or our current Speaker, @BraveSirRobin, for that matter), is responsible for maintaining the archive, so the repeal law should probably be added in and the treaty struck out. Or is @Wintermoot responsible? Don't exactly remember.I forgot to remove this one after it was repealed.
And also you don't exorcise nations, at least not in NS. :PDang it! :P
Nope. This is the British/European/US military/MLA style. It's either the US style, "October 29, 2016" (with a comma), or the British style, "29 October 2016" (without a comma).I didn't realize this was different in the British style. All of these laws were annoying to correct because I had to learn the British style; I almost corrected all the punctuation after quotation marks but realized British was different. Why, America!?!? >:(
I'd argue that this is a style choice, though I personally would put a comma.I would argue that it's not a style choice because it's an introductory phrase.
I believe that "Structural Amendments" was treated as Amendment IX (much as "Omnibus Amendments" was treated as Amendment I).I thought that too at first, but there are some other amendments to it in between that don't have numbers and don't offset the other Amendments' numbers.
So I've just spent over an hour and a half going over your report... As Gerrick said, this must've taken forever to do. Despite my nitpickings, overall this is a very nice and thorough check of Wintrean law.Thanks for taking the time to go over my corrections. I think you see now why it took so long for me to get around to finishing this :P
I like Oxford commas, but I see no need to add them, as it's right either way.
Also, considering all the comma nitpickings, I highly recommend reading the New Yorker piece "Confessions of a Comma Queen." Overall just a fun read about grammar, style, and copyediting.
Since I don't know if just including the quote author notifies the person, I'll add in an @taulover here.Apparently it does. Interesting.
I am surprised, though, given your interest in grammar and style, that you haven't seen the MLA date format before. :PQuote from: tauloverNope. This is the British/European/US military/MLA style. It's either the US style, "October 29, 2016" (with a comma), or the British style, "29 October 2016" (without a comma).I didn't realize this was different in the British style. All of these laws were annoying to correct because I had to learn the British style; I almost corrected all the punctuation after quotation marks but realized British was different. Why, America!?!? >:(
Commas are not required after short introductory prepositional phrases, though they may be added for clarity. (https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/03/)Quote from: tauloverI'd argue that this is a style choice, though I personally would put a comma.I would argue that it's not a style choice because it's an introductory phrase.
Right. I'd mark it off as an inconsistency that's more a hassle to fix than to keep, especially as any earlier references to the Procedural Rules would then be wrong.Quote from: tauloverI believe that "Structural Amendments" was treated as Amendment IX (much as "Omnibus Amendments" was treated as Amendment I).I thought that too at first, but there are some other amendments to it in between that don't have numbers and don't offset the other Amendments' numbers.
I'm not sure I agree that all of those are style choices, but it doesn't matter too much here, so I'll just keep the first comma error and ignore the other two.Looking them up, because why not... :P
I am surprised, though, given your interest in grammar and style, that you haven't seen the MLA date format before. :PI've only seen the American MLA date format before. This (http://penandthepad.com/spell-out-dates-mla-1282.html) (and the sources listed at the bottom) says that there's an American version and a universal/British version.
MLA is an American organization, and despite that, most examples you'll see out there place the European date format as the default. I've had many teachers require it, in fact.Quote from: tauloverI am surprised, though, given your interest in grammar and style, that you haven't seen the MLA date format before. :PI've only seen the American MLA date format before. This (http://penandthepad.com/spell-out-dates-mla-1282.html) (and the sources listed at the bottom) says that there's an American version and a universal/British version.