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Yarn Fest: An Interregional Story Writing Contest
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Wintermoot
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  • Wintreath was just invited to take part in Yarn Fest, an inter-regional story-writing contest being organized by Lands End and involving six other regions!

    The link to all the information about the contest is below, but the jest of it is that you will have two weeks (starting tonight) to write and submit a story on any topic or theme so long as it is fictional. The judges will score each entry based on creativity, grammar, and entertainment value, and the entry with the top score will be declared the winner! I know our writing community is small, but I thought this would be an excellent opportunity for anyone that wanted to submit an entry. If you decide to write an entry for the contest, please post here if you don't mind, so the rest of the region knows and can root for you. :)

    Contest Information: https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=882146
    3 people like this post: Fortis Scriptor, Elbbsas, Gerrick


    I went all the way to Cassadega to commune with the dead
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    Wintermoot
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    Fortis Scriptor
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  • If it would be possible, could I get in on this action, though since I don't have a nation, would it be possible for me to enter as a citizen of one the fine nations of this region?

    If so I will gladly take up this honourable struggle!

    And one way or the other I'll write a short story which I will post here.

    Fortis Scriptor
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    Wintermoot
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  • I will ask our contact if Citizens that aren't involved with NS can make submissions, and will post back when I have an answer.

    Either way thanks for taking up the struggle! I can't wait to read your story. :)
    1 person likes this post: Fortis Scriptor


    I went all the way to Cassadega to commune with the dead
    They said "You'd better look alive"
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    Elbbsas
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  • Well, I've been needing a kick to the writing muscles. Should we post our works here after the competition is over?
    1 person likes this post: Fortis Scriptor
    Elbbsas
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  • You certainly can if you want, or you can make a new topic here.
    2 people like this post: Elbbsas, Fortis Scriptor


    I went all the way to Cassadega to commune with the dead
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    Fortis Scriptor
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  • Alright, well I feel that I should give you people of Wintreath some choice in which story I should submit for the contest, but only the first is ready.

    I proudly present Starch and Iron, the tale of the final battle of the Great Crusade against Lemurism.

    Spoiler

    “Blessed be the Starch, my rock, who trains my arms for battle, and my hands for war. It is my love, my fortress: It is my stronghold, my saviour, my shield, my place of refuge… it need not forgive me for the sins I am about to commit, for I will endure eternal damnation if it serves the Holy Starch. Deus Starch!”

    The Knight rose from his knees and made the sign of the starch, he was now prepared for the coming bloodshed.

    Looking upon the encampment the Knight saw his comrades, his fellow Crusaders readying themselves for the final battle.

    The servants of His Starchiness Pope Crushitus, gilded in full array of holy iron cleansed themselves of the dirt and dust of the campaign.

    Some stood in reverence as they heard the Priest give his sermon in a humble temple assembled from cloth and wood.

    Yet more of the Warriors of Starch gathered around small fires eating their humble rations, for many it would be their last meal.

    As the sun rose over the horizon, the Crusaders gathered into their lines of battle.

    At the center stood the spearmen, with great kite shields bearing the Holy Potato. To the flanks were the men at arms, swords and heater shields in hand. Just behind them stood the archers with longbows of Starchy yew. At the rear in a thin line were the knights mounted upon mighty chargers wielding great lances.

    There at the Heart of the glorious formation was the Great Potato Standard protected by Warrior Monks of the Starch wielding Swords of War that were as long as their wielders were tall.

    The Army of the Holy Starch stood ten thousand men strong, the greatest force in all of starchdom.

    Across the field the Hordes of Lemurism scurried into an insulting excuse of a formation. The minions of Zoboomafoo were ugly creatures of darkness. Once men, and believers of Starch, so much exposure to memes had disfigured them into twisted beasts unrecognizable of their original form.

    By the time the Lemurists had fielded their whole force, the Starchy Crusaders were surrounded by millions of the unholy creatures armed with jagged rusty blades hungry for the blood of innocent Believers in Starch.

    The stage was set for the battle to commence, the last battle in a long crusade which had taken the men of Starch from their tiny stronghold in Wintreath all the way to the meme infested NW community. A light in the darkness of the interworld, it’s fate resting in the hands of these brave 10,000 men.

    A great and terrible horn was sounded, and the Lemurist horde lurched forward.

    Upon a great silver steed rode Pope Crushitus himself unphased by how numerous the enemy army was, he signaled to a trumpeter who sounded the call to ranks for the archers.

    The longbowmen rushed to the front with all haste and knocked their first arrows.

    The trumpet sounded the call to loose at will, and the archers began their bloody work.

    They aimed, drew, and loosed the first volley, at such extreme ranges only a few of the arrows found their marks. The same could be said for the second volley, but then as the Lemurists passed within 200 meters, the Archers loosed their third volley, and dealt devastating casualties on the front ranks of the horde.

    Next the Grand Inquisitor rode forward and ordered the archers to focus their efforts on one spot, thus weakening an area for the cavalry to break through.

    The longbows did good work to an area on the right flank, and then with the sounding of another trumpet, the Knights charged through the weakened position trampling over the heretics dumb enough to stand in their way. A small portion of the horde chased after the few hundred knights who broke through, but it was barely more than a single percent of the Lemurist army. (Though even that was rather large.)

    The archers continued to loose volley after volley until the Lemurists passed within 30 meters. It was then that the trumpet sounded off again, telling the archers to fall back behind the men at arms.

    Now it came to the melee.

    The Crusader’s formation had altered into a circle, with the front ranks containing two rows of spearmen, 3 ranks of men at arms behind them, and the archers brandishing whatever melee weapon they could find behind that. At the very center was the Potato Standard and it’s Holy Guardians, a force of the most elite crusaders, including the Pope and his Cheddar Guard.

    In an instant, the Lemurist Horde crashed into the Crusader formation, only to be shoved back by the unrivaled strength of the Starchy Spearmen.

    The Lemurists were unrelenting, even as they fell in droves to the holy steel blessed by the priests of the Great Potato.

    The dead began to pile high forming a wall of decay around the holy warriors.

    The spearmen alone would hold the line for two days, without a moment of rest, for the Lemurists gave them no chance to.

     One by one, the heroic spearmen fell among the filth of their fallen foes, blessing the ground with their saintly blood.

    Finally at dawn on the third day the Lemurists paused their attack allowing the few spearmen left to retire to the center, the wall of the dead now a good 5 meters tall.

    The ground began to rumble once again as the Lemurists recommenced their attack, and this time the men at arms charged up the hill of the dead to meet their foes. Holy blades met the savage iron in a great clash as the battle was joined.

    Within minutes the Men at arms maxed their already high experience chevrons, as they cast their foes down the mound of the dead. They pushed down the outer slope, allowing the archers to take position at the peak and let loose a deadly hail of arrows once again.

    For days more the battle seemed to go in favour of the Holy Warriors of Starch, for every crusader who fell, 10 Lemurists were slain in return, but it wasn’t enough, the Lemurists still outnumbered the Crusaders 50 to 1.

    Over the course of the eighth day, it started to become clear that there simply weren’t enough Holy Warriors to triumph over the seemingly endless horde of Lemurist savages.

    The Crusade once 10 thousand strong was dwindling down to little more than 2,500. Who knows how many infidels laid dead upon the field, but who would waste their time to actually count?

    Things were starting to look more grim. The crusaders were running out of arrows, their swords were dull, their shields were splintered, their armour was rent, and they were all drenched in the filthy blood of the heretics.

    After more than a week of near nonstop fighting, the iron wills of the mighty warriors of Starch was beginning to rust, fatigue, lack of sleep and food, were all contributing to a growing fear: Fear that they would lose, fear that they had been abandoned, fear that The Holy Potato would not find their efforts good enough… Fear that was all wiped clean from their minds by the mere passing of Crushitus and his Cheddar Guard, those mighty warriors yet to commit to the fight.

    The Lemurists came again and again each time losing hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of warriors.

    It did not matter to them.

    The mound of corpses was more than 20 meters tall by now. It was a citadel of savage corpses with the Great Potato Standard crowning its peak.

    The Crusaders fought bravely, and met their enemies savagery with the merciful relief of removing their corrupted heads from their bodies, freeing the souls of the damned to be saved by the Great and Holy Starch.

    However the overwhelming numbers of the Lemurists would bring down more and more heroic Crusaders.

    By the tenth day, even the archers were in the melee, having run out of arrows on the ninth.

    Blood soared through the air from great geysers of flesh, and the roars of the Lemurist battle cries began to be overturned by the sounds of breaking bones and clashing steel.

    The Crusaders dwindled more and more, 1,900… 1,600… 1,100. Each one of these Saintly Martyrs making every drop of their blood count for one Lemurist savage slain.

    By the pre-dawn hours of the thirteenth day, only 300 Holy Warriors of Starch were left alive, standing firm above a mountain of corpses 50 meters high, and at least 30 wide.

    Finally, the guards of the Great Potato Standard would enter the fray.

    As the red sun began to rise, Crushitus stood before his soldiers and said this.

    “Brothers! Fellow Warriors of Starch, hear me now! For thirteen long days you have stood by and watched your comrades fight with glorious fury, and little by little you have watched them fall upon this holy ground to take their place among the Holy Starch. And Brothers I must tell you, your sacrifices have not been in vain, for last night, the Holy Starch came to me as I slept… and he told me that today, would be the last day of our battle, and that today!.. Today I see not 300 men… I see ten thousand mighty warrior Saints of the Holy Potato. Today will be our last day of battle, and the Holy Starch has assured me that there will be no outcome but victory for us! So now, steel your hearts for the final push! Take up the sword, the spear, and the unbeatable resolve of Starch and drive these Infidels from the earth! DEUS STARCH!!!”

    The Crusaders replied with an earth shattering united roar “DEUS STARCH!!!!!” and with fire in their bellies, and victory in their hearts, they charged down from the Fortress of Corpses descending into the jaws of the Lemurists one final time.

    But this time, to the utter disbelief of the Lemurist savages, their foes fought with the strength and ferocity of a thousand men. Single sword strikes rent the beasts of Zoboomafoo asunder in a glorious red haze of blood and gore.

    It took the combined strikes of at least a dozen Lemurists to bring down even a single Warrior the Starch.

    Crusaders were slashed and stabbed through with hungry savage iron, yet still they continued until there was nothing left of them.

    As they fought on, the brave 300 carved a deep scarring path through the Lemurist lines, but… soon 300 fell to 150, and then further to 90.

    By the time the Crusaders had circled back around to the Great Standard, only 36 remained, most of them Cheddar Guard, or Monks of the Standard.

    As the Lemurists began to climb the mountain of corpses for the final push, most of the remaining Crusaders gave their final prayers, preparing to meet their fallen brothers on the other side.

    It was then that Pope Crushitus spotted in the distance a speck of light in the darkness, a hope that would make true the word of the Holy Starch.

    As the Lemurists reached the last of the Crusaders upon the mountain, the Knights of the Potato Inquisition rode at full tilt bannered lances fluttering in the wind, their white armour shining in the morning light.

    At the center of the line rode the Grand Inquisitor himself, for on the first day he and his knights had cut their way through the enemy lines and wreaked havoc upon their rear before riding to the nearest Potato Monastery to retrieve reinforcements, and retrieved them he had.

    2,500 Knights and Mounted Sergeants crashed into the Lemurists rear catching them completely off guard.

    The last defenders of the standard too fought with a divine fury unrivaled by any other mortal man.

    By the twilight of the thirteenth day, the Lemurist horde was finally broken, and by midnight, the Knights had slaughtered and scattered them so well that their foes would never again even consider taking up arms.

    As the Grand Inquisitor climbed to the top of the mountain of corpses, he came upon the last of the defenders of the Great Standard.

    7 Warriors stood upon the peak, at the center of them Pope Crushitus, his broken blade clutched tightly in his hands.

    In his hand the Grand Inquisitor carried the severed head of the Lemurist General, and upon greeting his noble vicar, he offered up the final prize of the successful Crusade.

    Crushitus took the head in his hands and stared deep into its dead glazed over eyes for a moment, then gingerly closed them, before taking the head, and hurling it from the top of the mountain.

    He took a step forward, placed a hand upon the Grand Inquisitors shoulder and said, “Starch’s will has been done.”

    The Crusade was finally, over.

    So ended the Great War of Lemurist Extermination. At the cost of nearly ten thousand Holy Warriors, Potatoism continued to spread, no longer hindered by the savage and heretical faith of Zoboomafoo.

    Upon the site of the Mountain of Corpses, Crushitus built a mighty fortress monastery which will forever watch over the lands of Lemurism’s final defeat.

    And Crushitus himself, would finally gain immortality as the Holy Starch’s eternal vicar.

    “Blessed be the Starch, my rock, who trained my arms for battle, and my hands for war. It is my love, my fortress: It is my stronghold, my saviour, my shield, my place of refuge… For I fell upon the field in those thirteen bloody days, and now I live forever among Starch’s Saints. Deus Starch…”



    Second Story (TBA/P) stay tuned.

    Spoiler

    NOT YET AVAILABLE

    3 people like this post: Gerrick, Elbbsas, Crushita

    Fortis Scriptor
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    Gattoartico
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  • Idk tbh
  • STARCH BE PRAISED!

    I think I might give a short story of the hatred Nathuri holds for his brother Eros. Maybe.

    1 person likes this post: Elbbsas
    End of Time

    I remember there in the dawn,
    When the suns rose and rose,
    That never could I know,
    A sight more grand than this.

    Now I sit here in the dusk,
    While the suns die and die,
    That never will I see a sight more sad,
    Or a sight more beautiful.
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    Wintermoot
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  • @Fortis_Scriptor, this is the response that I got back:

    Quote
    If he has access to google docs, he can put it on there, send the link to you, and then send the link to me. I will be able to judge it from there.
    1 person likes this post: Fortis Scriptor


    I went all the way to Cassadega to commune with the dead
    They said "You'd better look alive"
    Wintermoot
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    Michi
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  • Since it's until the 8th, I'll use my weekends to prepare  an entry.
    My Wintreath Resumé
    Michi
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    Fortis Scriptor
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  • Alright good to know Wintermoot. Once I figure out which story I want to submit I'll pm you a link to the doc which you can then share with the judges.  8)

    Fortis Scriptor
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  • I'm told that there are six days left in the contest. :)


    I went all the way to Cassadega to commune with the dead
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    Gattoartico
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  • Look guys I did a thing.

    I hope I didn't delve into any taboo subjects.

    It's a short I've been meaning to get done for some time now that tells the story of Lucifer and his relationship with his honorary uncle Nathuri. Hope you guys enjoy. And warning it is pretty big.

    Spoiler
    A young man knelt in the soft and primitive grass to tend to his beloved plants. Carefully, he balanced the soil they grew in; channeling his primal strength to help them grow and evolve. He stood making his way through the twisting paths and sunlit meadows of his gardens. Thousands of miles of trees, flowers, and plants of all shapes grew about him, filled to bursting with the sounds of life. His burning green eyes roamed the landscape seeking out any spot that was suffering. Nothing caught his eyes causing him to smile gently before wandering through the landscape just enjoying nature.

    As he walked he felt a vast and powerful presence emerge from behind him. Turning, his smile widened as he greeted the being standing behind him. “Hello Father, I see you brought someone with you.” He knelt, ruffling the golden curls of a young boy before asking him his name.

    The little boy shied away by hiding behind the leg of the older, dark haired man. He nudged the child off of his leg as he answered the green-eyed god. “This is Lucifer; my grandfather asked me to watch over the young one, which I unfortunately am unable to do. As I have too much work to do as it is.” He prodded the little boy over to the other god and lovingly patted the boys’ head. “I was hoping you could watch him Nathuri, you have plenty of free time I hope.”

    Nathuri cocked an eyebrow at his father. “Are you sure you want me to watch the little one? I do not think I should father. I might just poison him with my ideas and inventions.”

    The older god shook his head and fixed his black, star filled eyes on his son. “You will be the best influence on him of all my children. Now I must go, work to be done.” He stepped back vanishing in a swirl of gentle and comforting starlight.

    Nathuri looked down to find the golden eyes of Lucifer watching him with a curious yet wary light. He smiled and held out a hand for the little boy to take. “Come Lucifer, my father has entrusted you into my care. I feel that if I am to watch you I might as well teach you something useful.” He waited patiently for Lucifer to take his hand before leading the boy towards a massive tree in the distance. “I feel like we will get along mightily.”

    ~~~

    “Uncle N! Uncle N!” A small voice cried through the gentle breeze. The light padding of small feet was soon head as Lucifer raced out of the garden to the ground at the base of Nathuri’s home. “You have to come see what I found!”

    Nathuri rose from where he had been healing a large lizard-like creature. “What is it you feel I must see Luci? This better not be another shiny rock. There are a lot of those here.”

    Lucifer shook his head, gesturing for Nathuri to follow him as he broke off to run deeper into the wilderness, only to find himself treading on air as Nathuri levitated him above the ground. He stopped moving and slouched dejectedly as the older god strode closer to him. “C’mon Uncle N, let me show you her. I promise it isn’t a rock this time!”

    Nathuri laughed, bemused as he put Lucifer down. “Lead the way,” He said and trotted after the fast moving angel. The boy led him through a few copses of trees before coming to a stop just underneath a tall fern. He waved up at something in the tree and waited a few moments. Soon, a diminutive shape could be seen making its way to the lowest branches where Nathuri could see it. A small but sturdily built creature clung to the tree branch with powerful hands and feet that were covered in thick, leathery skin and thick black fur. It watched Nathuri warily until he touched it with just a small shred of his power, calming it which led to the creature coming out of the tree. The small creature was wrapped in a hug by the golden haired and winged child who had dragged Nathuri over to look at it. The tall, green-eyed god chuckled as he knelt to Lucifer’s level.

    “So this is what you wished to show me, an Australopithecus Primus?” Nathuri narrowed his eyes as he looked closer at the small creature. “No, this is Australopithecus Alium, a slightly different species and a little further along the evolutionary path.”

    Lucifer rolled his eyes at Nathuri. “As if your official name mattered to me, I’m gonna name it Xifanthala!” He said with bubbling enthusiasm. The older god laughed, patting Lucifer’s head. The young angel squirmed out of Nathuri’s reach as he kept hugging his discovery.

    The brown haired god shook his head and rose. “I do not really think that it can understand that name.” Lucifer opened his mouth to speak but Nathuri interrupted him, “No. You cannot keep it. It belongs in nature and must be left alone.”

    ~~~

    Lucifer was lying next to Nathuri, gazing at the stars from the uppermost branches of the massive tree Nathuri called home. They simply watched the sky and enjoyed the gentle touch of the breeze. Nathuri turned his eyes to Lucifer to watch the young angel deep in thought before asking him a question. “What is on your mind Lucifer?”

    It took a while before the golden winged boy answered him. “This thought has been nagging at me for a long while now, ever since I found that Australopithecus Alium so many years ago. Why are we the only species that looks like us?” He rolled over slightly to face Nathuri and gave him a confused look. “I mean every other species has something that looks similar to it. Everything except us. Sure we have variations but all of you can have wings if you chose too. I could hide my wings if I chose too.  But what separates us so much from the other species that leaves us alone in appearance?”

    Nathuri thought for a bit himself before he responded. “Everything else is and has been evolving since it was first created by Great Grandfather, Grand Father, Father, and I. We designed all other things that way. What truly separates us is what we are made of. Everything else is made of matter; we are made of energy, birthed from the very stuff that forged the universe. That is why we are alone in our makeup. Though we will not always be; that Australopithecus Alium for instance, from it will descend the Homo erectus which will bear some physical similarities to us. From them will descend Homo neanderthalensis, which will exist alongside, and will be eventually wiped out by Homo sapien. Of all creatures that will exist from now and forever more Homo Sapien will be the closest to us in physical appearance.”

    Lucifer blinked at Nathuri who smiled as he continued, “At least that is what Brother Chronus says, though I can see in the genetic makeup of Australopithecus Alium that such a path is possible for it. I hope we will both be still around to see that. Long enough to see Homo homini Dei take shape. Though a few hundred million years is a short enough time don’t you think? I feel I can wait that long for my Talcung.”

    ~~~~

    Nathuri waded through a blood choked swamp. His dark grey armour seemed to repel the liquid. He held in one hand a heavy rifle and a comm unit in his other. Scanning the dense trees he answered the quietly beeping comm. “How fares orbit Lucifer?” he said with a small grin on his face.

    “Better. Thunari went into full retreat just now. In a few minutes I’ll be able to relieve you and the First Legion.” Lucifer responded. In the background Nathuri could hear the noise of the bridge crew aboard the Forgiving Maiden.

    “Well hurry up. The Dark Elves are everywhere.” he said. A sound snapped his attention towards a group of elves. He swung his rifle into position in a fluid motion. Loosing off a few bolts of white hot energy he rushed forwards. The elves returned fire and screamed as Nathuri crashed into them. His armour lit up with bright green energy that spat out arcing bolts of lightning.

    The god made short work of the dark elves as the trees started to shake. He looked up to see a gunship hovering over his head. It lowered itself until the boarding ramp was level with Nathuri. He hauled himself aboard and was greeted by an armoured soldier with the livery of the Second Legion. The soldier of the Glorious Wolves helped the god inside before strapping down. The ramp closed as the craft sped upwards, away from the ruined surface of Ilfusan. Nathuri closed his eyes. He sighed quietly as the world burned behind him. He could feel around him the constant pressure of hatred and death.

    The soldier notified him the  moment the drew close the hangers aboard the Forgiving Maiden.  The moment he stepped off he noticed the amount of injured soldiers as well as felt the breeches in its hull. He quickly made his way to the bridge where he found a gaping hole in the side of the armor plating. The hole was held shut by a shimmering wall of golden light. Standing nearby was Lucifer. His golden hair was disheveled with bits of metal sparkling in it. He turned his tired eyes to Nathuri and smiled.

    “Hey Uncle, how was the surface?”

    “Hell.”

    Lucifer raised an eyebrow and gave a small chuckle. “I don’t think Malthuri would appreciate that comment.” Nathuri shrugged as he bent the matter of reality to fix the breach.

    “My brother knows just how bad his Hellforges are. Ilfusan is nothing in true comparison. It is a figure of speech.” The old god said.

    The golden haired angel turned his face back to the expanse of space where arrayed around them was a fleet vaster than anything ever seen. Among the fleet were forty shared insignias with hundreds of thousands of minor insignias denoting chapters. For this was the first and only time the full might of the Forty Legions of the Dawn Wolves were in one place at the same time.

    ~~~~~~~~~~

    A thunderous roar shook the ground as an army assailed the walls of Heaven. What few soldiers that were left of the worn out and embattled Ninth and Thirty-fourth Legions held the walls. The Infinite Wolves and the Wolves Sanguine had been worn down to the dregs of their force. The thunder of artillery shook the walls as they pounded away at the gates of Heaven.

    With an earsplitting crack the gatehouse gave out and crumble to the ground. What troops were left rushed to fill the breach with their own bodies as the combined might of seven of their sister legions marched against them. For Lucifer had declared war upon Yahweh and intended to kill him.

    The two sides clashed in bitter conflict as brothers fought each other. The tide stemmed as the soldiers of the Fourteenth Legion turned and joined the defense. The Wolves Adamant rallied to the banner of their Dominus Praetorianum as he crossed blades with Lucifer himself. Locked in vicious battle neither saw the ancient god standing far off watching them.

    Nathuri watched as one of his beloved sons tried to hold off his beloved nephew. He knew that Adamandriel was no match for Lucifer in a contest of divine power but could hold his own physically. The Dominus Praetorianum managed to hold Lucifer in check until Michael arrived with the full might of the Heavenly Hosts at his back. The golden angel tried to pull his forces out but found their retreat halted by the arrival of ten of the other legions.

    Lucifer surrendered and was given his punishment swiftly. He was cast from the realms of the divine and confined to dwell on Earth so long as Nathuri would act as his Guardian. The six legions that remained with Lucifer to the end were given into the rule of Malthuri, the Lord of the Hellforges and undisputed Chair of the Council of Devils. Adamandriel and his angelic soldiers were assigned to some of the most dangerous war zones as peacekeepers. Their punishment was deemed to be one of atonement and not of extreme suffering as given to the other Legions.

    Nathuri however chose to give some freedom to Lucifer. He allowed him to enter Purgatory and judge the dead. In time the golden angel rescinded his declaration of war. Eventually he retired to a quiet vacation home in the Bahamas where Nathuri and Talcung occasionally visit him.
    4 people like this post: Aethelia, Fortis Scriptor, Gerrick, Wintermoot
    End of Time

    I remember there in the dawn,
    When the suns rose and rose,
    That never could I know,
    A sight more grand than this.

    Now I sit here in the dusk,
    While the suns die and die,
    That never will I see a sight more sad,
    Or a sight more beautiful.
    Gattoartico
    • Idk tbh
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    Emoticonius
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  • Supreme Grand Admiral of The Emoticonian Army
  • I am working on a new story already and I'm going to submit part of it (all I'll have written at that time) as soon as I can! If there's one thing I like it's a writing contest!
    1 person likes this post: Wintermoot
    “I support anyone’s right to be who they want to be. My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image?” - Dave Chappelle
    7:42 PM <Govindia> eh, i like the taste of nuts in my mouth



    Potential clients should PM or Query Emoticonius
    Emoticonius
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    Elbbsas
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  • Right. I have avoided reading any works thus far to avoid influencing my own writing, but as of now I doubt I will make any meaningful changes to my own snip. Time to crack my knuckles and take a looksie, (and hopefully avoid giving too much help 'cuz I wanna be a wiener). Spoilering in case avoidance is desired.

    @Fortis_Scriptor
    Spoiler
    First, this reads like a summary in parts. Beware of the eight deadly words.
    Second, you certainly have a creative premise, though I notice you've cut down on creation costs somewhat via Potatoes. I will warn that the judges may not be familiar with the glory of Potatoes.
    Third, double check your sentences. Try reading them aloud and seeing if the markings are correctly placed.

    @Gattoartico
    Spoiler
    First, wait what where did the armour and sci-fi elements come from. It's interesting, but I feel like there's a massive bit missing between the third and fourth snip and very little to cue a time jump.
    Second, I'm not too versed in the biblical but sci-fi elements are an interesting addition.
    Third, your sentences may be a little full.
    It's likely you've both edited your works by now. Hopefully the advice is at least somewhat helpful?
    Elbbsas
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    Gattoartico
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  • Idk tbh
  • @Gattoartico
    Spoiler
    First, wait what where did the armour and sci-fi elements come from. It's interesting, but I feel like there's a massive bit missing between the third and fourth snip and very little to cue a time jump.
    Second, I'm not too versed in the biblical but sci-fi elements are an interesting addition.
    Third, your sentences may be a little full.

    Tell me about it. My sentences always get kinda long. I realized i was missing that snip and I'll go back and add it in in a few.
    End of Time

    I remember there in the dawn,
    When the suns rose and rose,
    That never could I know,
    A sight more grand than this.

    Now I sit here in the dusk,
    While the suns die and die,
    That never will I see a sight more sad,
    Or a sight more beautiful.
    Gattoartico
    • Idk tbh
    • Posts: 774
    • Karma: 278
    • Never did we fear the sun, for we were the heathen kings of old.
    • Former Citizen
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      Logged
     
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