Pages: [1]

When did you know?
Posts: 9 Views: 740

NyghtOwl
  • Former Citizen
  • Nocturnus Cantankorous
  • So this is a question I've faced from many a person in my life.

    For me, I think I realized what it meant and who I was when I was about 18. Before that I don't think I even understood the concept of being gay because I'd never seen or really been introduced to any gay people. I'd heard my sister and a lot of my family use the word gay, but there was always this tone of contempt accompanying it. I've always been attracted to the male form though. Even at a young age I remember seeing my friends shirtless or in various stages of undress and getting a strange feeling. But without a framework for understanding my attractions I never really understood what they were. Then when I was in high school I found the internet. And from there I found pornography. At that point it dawned on me that I liked guys and guys bodies but I still didn't think I was gay.
    Then one day it just kind of clicked. I'd just ended a relationship with my girlfriend at the time and wondered why we never really were intimate. We'd fooled around here or there. But never had sex and I'd avoided her vaginal like the the plague. I realized I had no attraction to her. That the only time I got an erection was when I was drunk. And even then I was fantasizing about other guys.
    Things just kind of fell into place for me from there. Coming out was hard and I lost contact with a lot of my family because of it. But that's another story for another time.
    2 people like this post: trader, Wintermoot
    NyghtOwl
    • Nocturnus Cantankorous
    • Posts: 697
    • Karma: 279
    • Former Citizen
    • Pronouns
      He/Him/His
      Wintreath Nation
      Logged
    Wintermoot
  • Regional Stability Squad
  • The Greyscale Magi-Monk
  • I think for me, it was when it was 17...I was dating a girl online at the time, and she introduced me to her best friend, who in turn introduced me to her best friend, who happened to be a gay guy...the first one I'd really met. We got to talking and hit it off...he was really smart and funny and witty. And over time he started hitting on me...like, really blatantly doing so, to the point of suggesting I have sex with him as practice before I have sex with a girl, lol. And I kinda enjoyed his attention, but I wasn't sure how. I was talking about it with an ex-girlfriend, who was the one who mentioned that I might be gay or bi (I'd never heard of those terms before then)...she said I talked about him the same way I used to talk about her, and that at least got me to thinking.

    To be honest, it took several years of exploration to know that I was into guys sexually and that I could fall in love with one...in both cases it was just a matter of finding the right guy, but that was when I knew that I had some kind of interest in guys.
    1 person likes this post: NyghtOwl


    I went all the way to Cassadega to commune with the dead
    They said "You'd better look alive"
    Wintermoot
    • The Greyscale Magi-Monk
    • Posts: 19,332
    • Karma: 9,613
    • Weather: ❄️
    • Regional Stability Squad
    • Pronouns
      He/Him/His
      Orientation
      Demisexual
      Wintreath Nation
      Logged
    Arenado
  • Citizen
  • Some Random Guy
  • I was in an all boys school from the age of 7 to 16. I constantly told myself what I felt towards my classmates was not real. I was about 14 when I finally came to terms with the fact that I was actually attracted to men as well as women.
    3 people like this post: Wintermoot, NyghtOwl, Aethelia
    I Hope You Have A Nice Day :]
    Arenado
    • Some Random Guy
    • Posts: 5,557
    • Karma: 2,209
    • Comfortably Numb
    • Citizen
    • Pronouns
      Any/All or They/Them
      Familial House
      Eske
      Wintreath Nation
      Logged
    Alkasia
  • Village Drifter
  • Cheese Connoiseur
  • It was a pretty gradual realization for me. There was no big moment, but it was just at one point I realized that gender didn't matter to me romantically or sexually. And at first I didn't want a label, because I didn't want to be defined that way, but I slowly settled into it because I felt like I belonged when I could identify with other pansexual people.
    2 people like this post: Wintermoot, NyghtOwl
    Alkasia
    • Cheese Connoiseur
    • Posts: 29
    • Karma: 11
    • Village Drifter
    • Pronouns
      He/Him/His
      Representing
      Logged
    Fayt
  • Former Citizen
  • I think it would be about 13 years ago I knew I was bisexual.

    Well when I was 10 I met my best friend at school (he was my only friend IRL and still is) I slept over his a lot for about 3 years we got close at 13 we started to like eachother more then just friends we did some gay stuff hehe. but unfortunately I moved away later that year. We lost contact for 9 years until I found him on facebook.
    Fayt
    • Posts: 78
    • Karma: 13
    • Former Citizen
    • Logged
    Michi
  • Regional Stability Squad
  • Level 167 Caticorn God of Destruction
  • Well, I knew something was different when I was 12.  A close guy friend of mine wanted to "experiment," which we did.  At first I was a bit scared because I didn't understand what exactly had happened or what I was feeling.  But that moment flipped the switch for my sexual side as I started to have sexual attractions and thoughts shortly after.

    Since that moment I'd always had a feeling, since all of my sexual attractions were towards guys specifically.  Not once in my life did I ever have any fantasies that had involved women in any form.  But growing up I had girlfriends, because even though I had definitely thought about guys in that way, it was something I still didn't understand or come completely to terms with.  But it was about...late middle school/early high school that I had decided to myself that I was at least bisexual.  However, I kept quiet about my thoughts because I had seen how students had treated one of the gay students, and it worried me if I had said anything about what I'd felt.

    It wasn't until community college that I came out to a couple of my close friends at the time that I had thought I was bisexual.  But roughly a year laterI had sat down and done some intense reflecting on myself, my feelings, and just my overall self...and I came to terms with that fact that I wasn't bisexual...I was clearly just attracted (at least physically/sexually) to men and men alone.  But I waited until I had started going to the university before I completely came out of the closet...that and there was still that small part of me that wasn't entirely sure if my thoughts about myself were correct.  But when I had my first kiss with my first boyfriend, that pretty much put it to rest that I was definitely attracted to guys.  When I tried having that same type of kiss twice with two different women later on to satisfy that lingering curiosity, that pretty much put it to rest that I didn't feel the same when it came to women, at least in sexually.  I still do believe that emotionally/mentally, I'm more attracted to women than men (who I've rarely ever had a deep emotional connection with).

    But yeah, I knew I was attracted to guys since I was 12.
    My Wintreath Resumé
    Michi
    • Level 167 Caticorn God of Destruction
    • Posts: 7,195
    • Karma: 4,052
    • Wintreath's Official Video Game Enthusiast
    • Regional Stability Squad
    • Pronouns
      Any except it/its
      Orientation
      Michisexual <3
      Familial House
      Valeria
      Wintreath Nation
      Logged
    NyghtOwl
  • Former Citizen
  • Nocturnus Cantankorous
  • Well, I knew something was different when I was 12.  A close guy friend of mine wanted to "experiment," which we did.  At first I was a bit scared because I didn't understand what exactly had happened or what I was feeling.  But that moment flipped the switch for my sexual side as I started to have sexual attractions and thoughts shortly after.

    Since that moment I'd always had a feeling, since all of my sexual attractions were towards guys specifically.  Not once in my life did I ever have any fantasies that had involved women in any form.  But growing up I had girlfriends, because even though I had definitely thought about guys in that way, it was something I still didn't understand or come completely to terms with.  But it was about...late middle school/early high school that I had decided to myself that I was at least bisexual.  However, I kept quiet about my thoughts because I had seen how students had treated one of the gay students, and it worried me if I had said anything about what I'd felt.

    It wasn't until community college that I came out to a couple of my close friends at the time that I had thought I was bisexual.  But roughly a year laterI had sat down and done some intense reflecting on myself, my feelings, and just my overall self...and I came to terms with that fact that I wasn't bisexual...I was clearly just attracted (at least physically/sexually) to men and men alone.  But I waited until I had started going to the university before I completely came out of the closet...that and there was still that small part of me that wasn't entirely sure if my thoughts about myself were correct.  But when I had my first kiss with my first boyfriend, that pretty much put it to rest that I was definitely attracted to guys.  When I tried having that same type of kiss twice with two different women later on to satisfy that lingering curiosity, that pretty much put it to rest that I didn't feel the same when it came to women, at least in sexually.  I still do believe that emotionally/mentally, I'm more attracted to women than men (who I've rarely ever had a deep emotional connection with).

    But yeah, I knew I was attracted to guys since I was 12.

    So emotional and romantic attractions to females but sexual and physical attraction to males? That's rough.
    NyghtOwl
    • Nocturnus Cantankorous
    • Posts: 697
    • Karma: 279
    • Former Citizen
    • Pronouns
      He/Him/His
      Wintreath Nation
      Logged
    Violet
  • Former Citizen
  • Fabulous Misandrist
  • I had weird thoughts since I was like 6 toward men, but the homosexuality wasn't apparent to me until I was 13. At the time though, my attraction toward men was actually beginning to fade before disappearing completely and I was becoming strongly attracted to women. At the same time, I was having non-sexual fantasies of being a woman. For a while, I didn't think much of the possibility I was Transgender until I was 14 and somebody on Ainur mistook me for a woman and I felt a sense of happiness from it. Then I looked up Gender Dysphoria and all the pieces were there. I'm 17 coming on 18 now and I fully identify as a Gay Transwoman.
    On tumblr at opabinia-regalis.tumblr.com

    Good night, ladies, good night, sweet ladies, good night, good night.
    Violet
    Aethelia
  • Former Citizen
  • Ethereal Dream
  • Didn't realize what my thoughts meant at first. I thought I was just comparing myself to her. I had/have low self-esteem, so it must have just been jealousy, or feelings of inadequacy.
    Wasn't sure why I was comparing myself to her so much when there were many others I could compare myself to. Did seem odd that she was in my thoughts a lot even if she wasn't around.
    I later realized that my real feelings of inadequacy weren't that I wouldn't be as good as her, but that I wouldn't be good enough for her. I wasn't frustrated out of jealousy, I was frustrated because I didn't think I could impress her and I wanted her to like me.
    « Last Edit: August 15, 2017, 08:52:27 PM by Aethelia »
    Aethelia
    • Ethereal Dream
    • Posts: 781
    • Karma: 332
    • Former Citizen
    • Pronouns
      She/Her/Hers
      Familial House
      No
      Wintreath Nation
      Logged
     
    Pages: [1]