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Understanding Financial Systems with Cows
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Elbbsas
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  • I found an old newspaper clipping in my room, all about the different financial systems in the world. It is not very serious. It goes from slightly explaining things to making fun of countries. Since the clipping is from at least 2009 and is falling apart, I thought I'd type it all up.

    Quote from: *Newspaper's Text
    A New Year special service, from an internet source, which may help you understand -- if that's possible -- world financial systems in 2009:

    Socialism: You have two cows. You give one to your neighbour.

    Communism: You have two cows. The state takes both and gives you some milk.

    Fascism: You have two cows. The state takes both and sells you some milk.

    Nazism: You have two cows. The state takes both and shoots you.

    Bureaucratism: You have two cows. The state takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

    Traditional capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
    Your herd multiples, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

    An American corporation: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

    Venture capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

    A French corporation: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

    A Japanese corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called "Cowkimon" and market it worldwide.

    A German corporation: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    An Italian corporation: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

    A Russian corporation: You have two cows. You count them and you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have two cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

    A Chinese corporation: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
    You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    A British corporation: You have two cows. Both are mad.

    An Iraqi corporation: Everyone thinks you have a lot of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy.

    An Australian corporation: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for for a few beers to celebrate.

    A New Zealand corporation: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

    Via copy-paste, I found other online versions of this. This one has Swiss, Indian, Greek, Irish, and Scottish corporations, although the punctuation is a teeny bit off in places. This one has surrealism, as well as slightly different phrasing. Annoyingly I couldn't find an online version of the newspaper clipping. I did find wikipedia, however!

    Anyone have any thoughts, or additions you've heard of?
    Elbbsas
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    Wintermoot
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  • Hey, those are pretty funny! :))


    I went all the way to Cassadega to commune with the dead
    They said "You'd better look alive"
    Wintermoot
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    binkthesismarck
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  • I've got another one for you.

    Egoism Your neighbor has a cow. You and your friends decide unanimously to fight him. You and your friends now have a cow
    binkthesismarck
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    Eko_of_Solis_Occasus
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  • The French one was spot on.  XD
    Copy this into your signature if it's empty and you like paradoxes.
    Eko_of_Solis_Occasus
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    Greater Balticia
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  • The Australian one is definitely correct
    Greater Balticia
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