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Grammar Check of Wintreath
Posts: 22 Views: 1857

Mathyland
  • Citizen
  • Wintreath's Potato Archbishop and Official Grammar Police
  • I have noticed, while reading the Wintrean laws, that there are some typos and grammar mistakes. My goal on this thread is to point out those errors so that the government can fix them. I'll probably point out anything that comes to mind, but some of those might not matter such as different spellings of the same word. I'll point out everything, but it's up to the government to decide what to fix. I'll have a report for each law and amendment. Others can help too of you want to, but I'll do it myself of nobody helps.
    1 person likes this post: taulover
    Résumé

    Hogwarts NS:

    Co-WA Delegate: June 13, 2016-present
    Hufflepuff student: April 9, 2016-present
    House points earned: 7 (Also, 40 points were a group effort, so I earned part of that as well)
    Host of Death Eaters II

    Wintreath:

    Citizen: September 6, 2016-present

    Underhusen Terms
    The 21st Underhusen
    The 22nd Underhusen
    The 23rd Underhusen - secretary
    The 24th Underhusen
    The 25th Underhusen
    The 26th Underhusen
    The 27th Underhusen

    Other:

    NationStates nation: March 11, 2016-present

    [/i]
    Mathyland
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    Mathyland
  • Citizen
  • Wintreath's Potato Archbishop and Official Grammar Police
  • I've checked the Constitutional Law area first. I first checked it by reading it carefully, then I used Grammarly to help find the mistakes I missed. There were some mistakes Grammarly didn't catch that I did, so I'm going to continue this tactic.

    Corrections
    The Fundamental Laws of Wintreath
    Quote
    4. Upon the conclusion of the election, the Underhusen shall, under supervison of the Monarch, select a member of its own to preside over the Underhusen. Further procedure shall be declared in the Procedural Rules of the Underhusen.
    The red word should be "supervision."
    Quote
    12. The Storting shall have the authorty to declare war upon another region or organization.
    Should be "authority."
    Quote
    9. The recall election shall compose of a forty-eight hours nomination period in which candidates may stand for election, followed by a seventy-two hours election period. The winner of the recall election shall assume the seat in question upon its conclusion.
    "hours" should not be plural.

    There were some spots that looked like comma splices, but probably make more sense with the comma there because it makes a pause.
    Speaker Selection Omnibus Act
    Quote
    4. Upon the conclusion of the election, the Underhusen shall, under supervison of the Monarch, select a member of it's own to preside over the Underhusen. Further procedure shall be declared in the Procedural Rules of the Underhusen.
    This should be "its," but it is corrected in the actual Fundamental Laws, so it doesn't really matter.
    Quote
    8. At the Conclusion of each election, the Monarch shall immediatly open poll within the halls of the Underhusen, where prospective candidates will have 48 hours to stand as a candidate for Speaker of the Underhusen. Following the 48 hour period, all Skrifa may have one vote for Speaker of the Underhusen. The poll will remain open for 48 hours. The Speaker shall be chosen by popularity vote.
    Same deal with this, and it should be "immediately."
    Quote
    4. Section 3 of this bill will only become effective if the bill in it's entirety passes a referendum of all citizens of Wintreath.
    Same thing here with its. Did this person not have spell check on that day?
    The Recalls and Referendums Amendment Act
    Quote
    6. Any Citizen which voted in the previous regular election as defined in Article I Section 3 shall have the right to petition for the recall of any member of the Underhusen unless unless there are fewer than twenty-one days left until the next regular election.
    This one was also fixed in the actual laws.
    Quote
    6. A proposal which fails to gather the requisite number of signatures may not be petitioned again until after the next regular election.

    Recalls

    6. Any Citizen which voted in the previous regular election as defined in Article I Section 3 shall have the right to petition for the recall of any member of the Underhusen unless unless there are fewer than twenty-one days left until the next regular election.
    This is also fixed in the actual laws, I just thought I should point it out.
    The Royal Titles and Styles Act
    Quote
    5. Jarls of Wintreath shall be titled His/Her Lordship and addressed as Your Lordship.
    These should really be "Lordship/Ladyship."
    Quote
    8. The Preamble of the Fundamental Laws of Wintreath shall be amended to read as follows;
    This should be a colon.
    The Clarification of Royal Decrees Amendment Act
    Quote
    2) Article II, Section 6 of the Fundamental Laws shall be amended as follows:
    6. The Monarch shall have the authority to issue decrees in relation to policies concerning the internal affairs of the Executive, the military, foreign affairs, famillial houses, the nobility, and any other Executive authority which has been expressly granted through this document or any relevant laws.
    Should be "familial," though this is fixed in the Fundamental Laws.
    The Omnibus Constitutional Correction Act
    Quote
    9. The recall election shall compose of a forty-eight hours nomination period in which candidates may stand for election, followed by a seventy-two hours election period. The winner of the recall election shall assume the seat in question upon its conclusion.
    This is the same one as the one I pointed out in the Fundamental Laws where "hours" shouldn't be plural.
    Quote
    4. Upon the conclusion of the election, the Underhusen shall, under supervison of the Monarch, select a member of its own to preside over the Underhusen. Further procedure shall be declared in the Procedural Rules of the Underhusen.
    This is also a repeat from the laws.
    Declassification Amendment Act
    Quote
    3.  Section 4 shall be added to the Declassification of Private Storting Discussion Procedure Act, and it shall read:
    "Any powers given to the Speaker or Chairman by this act will also be given to the Speaker Pro Tempore and Acting Chairman if they are empowered by their respective Procedural Rules.
    This is missing the ending quotation marks.

    I probably pointed out too many, as some were errors that were fixed in the actual Fundamental Laws, but I wanted to point out all of them.

    My next report will be on the Royal Decrees.
    2 people like this post: Gerrick, taulover
    « Last Edit: November 25, 2016, 11:02:15 PM by Mathyland »
    Résumé

    Hogwarts NS:

    Co-WA Delegate: June 13, 2016-present
    Hufflepuff student: April 9, 2016-present
    House points earned: 7 (Also, 40 points were a group effort, so I earned part of that as well)
    Host of Death Eaters II

    Wintreath:

    Citizen: September 6, 2016-present

    Underhusen Terms
    The 21st Underhusen
    The 22nd Underhusen
    The 23rd Underhusen - secretary
    The 24th Underhusen
    The 25th Underhusen
    The 26th Underhusen
    The 27th Underhusen

    Other:

    NationStates nation: March 11, 2016-present

    [/i]
    Mathyland
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    Colberius X
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  • Nice work so far. However, I don't think there's any point to reviewing Royal Decrees, seeing as they've already been decreed and the Storting can't amend them.
    1 person likes this post: taulover


    First Patriarch of the Noble House of Valeria - Founded 5.06.2015
    Former Peer of the Overhusen - Served 4.17.2015 until 6.08.2016
    Recipient of the Wintreath Commendation - Awarded 11.02.2017



    Lord Inquisitor
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    Colberius X
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    taulover
  • Regional Stability Squad
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  • Nice work so far. However, I don't think there's any point to reviewing Royal Decrees, seeing as they've already been decreed and the Storting can't amend them.
    I suppose if Wintermoot wanted, he could make any needed grammar corrections to his decrees...
    Résumé
    Wintreath:
    Citizen: 8 April 2015 - present
    From the Ashes RP Game Master: 29 November 2015 - 24 July 2018
    Skydande Vakt Marshal: 29 November 2015 - 28 February 2017
    Skrifa of the 13th Underhusen: 13 December 2015 - 8 February 2016
    RP Guild Councillor: 9 February 2016 - 6 March 2018
    Ambassador to Lovely: 23 February 2016 - 17 August 2016
    Werewolf VII co-host: 11 May 2016 - 5 June 2016
    Skrifa of the 18th Underhusen: 8 October 2016 - 7 December 2016
    Ambassador to Balder: 1 December 2016 - 1 March 2022
    Skrifa of the 19th Underhusen: 7 December 2016 - 9 February 2017
    Ambassador to the INWU: 11 March 2017 - 1 March 2022
    Ambassador to the Versutian Federation: 18 August 2017 - 22 March 2018
    Thane of Integration: 29 September 2017 - 7 March 2018
    Speaker of the 24th Underhusen: 10 October 2017 - 7 December 2017
    October 2017 Wintreath's Finest: 4 November 2017
    Speaker pro tempore of the 25th Underhusen: 9 December 2017 - 7 February 2018
    Wintreath's Finest of 2017: 6 January 2018
    Werewolf XIV host: 20 January 2018 - 23 February 2018
    February 2018 Wintreath's Finest: 5 March 2018
    Thane of Embassy Dispatches / Foreign Releases and Information / Foreign Dispatches: 7 March 2018 - 15 March 2020
    Speaker of the 28th Underhusen: 10 June 2018 - 7 August 2018
    Second Patriarch of the Noble House of Valeria: 10 October 2018 - present
    Arena Game 6 Host: 28 December 2018 - 9 March 2019
    Librarian of the Underhusen: 29 January 2019 - 12 February 2019
    Speaker of the 32nd Underhusen: 12 February 2019 - 8 April 2019
    March 2019 Wintreath's Finest: 4 April 2019
    Librarian of the Underhusen: 12 April 2019 - 23 October 2020
    Commendation of Wintreath: 24 September 2020
    Peer of the Overhusen: 9 December 2020 - 8 February 2021
    Vice Chancellor of the Landsraad: 26 May 2021 - 15 September 2022
    Arena Game 8 Host: 10 June 2021 - 19 July 2021
    June 2021 Wintreath's Finest: 5 July 2021
    Regional Stability Squad: 28 February 2023 - present
    Minecraft Server Admin: 8 March 2023 - present

    Aura Hyperia/New Hyperion:
    Plebeian: 16 April 2014 - 21 July 2014
    Patrician: 21 July 2014 - present
    Adeptus Mechanicus: 24 October 2014 - 16 November 2014
    Co-founder of New Hyperion: 29 October 2014 - present
    Lord of Propaganda: 16 November 2014 - present
    Mapmaker for Official Region RP: 27 November 2015 - present
    WACom Delegate: 11 November 2017 - present
    Other positions: Hyperian Guardsman, Hyperian Marine (Rank: Scout)
    taulover
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    Caddy
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  • Heil Grammar? :P

    Snowflakes? Snowflakes.
    Caddy
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    Mathyland
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  • I'm working on finishing this grammar check, so expect a finished check sometime soon.
    Résumé

    Hogwarts NS:

    Co-WA Delegate: June 13, 2016-present
    Hufflepuff student: April 9, 2016-present
    House points earned: 7 (Also, 40 points were a group effort, so I earned part of that as well)
    Host of Death Eaters II

    Wintreath:

    Citizen: September 6, 2016-present

    Underhusen Terms
    The 21st Underhusen
    The 22nd Underhusen
    The 23rd Underhusen - secretary
    The 24th Underhusen
    The 25th Underhusen
    The 26th Underhusen
    The 27th Underhusen

    Other:

    NationStates nation: March 11, 2016-present

    [/i]
    Mathyland
    • Wintreath's Potato Archbishop and Official Grammar Police
    • Posts: 2,937
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    Mathyland
  • Citizen
  • Wintreath's Potato Archbishop and Official Grammar Police
  • As you can see, I forgot about this for a long time. But now that I'm in the Underhusen and they need something to do, I thought I'd finish this. I decided to put all the errors in this one post, and I'll also include the errors I already corrected in the first post. I'm including those first errors because I included errors that were in the amendments, but fixed in the actual law. Here it is; the grammar check of Wintrean Laws:

    P.S. Every time a law has been amended and it lists the amendments at the bottom of the law, there isn't correct punctuation of the date.

    Constitutional Law
    The Fundamental Laws of Wintreath
    Quote
    4. Upon the conclusion of the election, the Underhusen shall, under supervison of the Monarch, select a member of its own to preside over the Underhusen. Further procedure shall be declared in the Procedural Rules of the Underhusen.
    The red word should be "supervision."
    Quote
    12. The Storting shall have the authorty to declare war upon another region or organization.
    Should be "authority."
    Quote
    9. The recall election shall compose of a forty-eight hours nomination period in which candidates may stand for election, followed by a seventy-two hours election period. The winner of the recall election shall assume the seat in question upon its conclusion.
    "hours" should not be plural.

    There were some spots that looked like comma splices, but probably make more sense with the comma there because it makes a pause.
    The Royal Titles and Styles Act
    Quote
    5. Jarls of Wintreath shall be titled His/Her Lordship and addressed as Your Lordship.
    These should really be "Lordship/Ladyship."
    Quote
    8. The Preamble of the Fundamental Laws of Wintreath shall be amended to read as follows;
    This should be a colon.
    Declassification Amendment Act
    Quote
    3.  Section 4 shall be added to the Declassification of Private Storting Discussion Procedure Act, and it shall read:
    "Any powers given to the Speaker or Chairman by this act will also be given to the Speaker Pro Tempore and Acting Chairman if they are empowered by their respective Procedural Rules.
    This is missing the ending quotation marks.
    Royal Decrees
    Decree 002
    Quote
    It is my hope that the region and its community preserver through these latest events, just as they have through so many dark times before.
    This should be "persevere."
    Decree 003
    Quote
    long after you've already chose Wintreath as your home.
    This should be "chosen."
    Decree 005
    Quote
    so that if and when we adopt into it it will be clear to everybody what roles, if any, they will be taking on.
    There should be a comma between the two "it"s.
    Decree 006
    Quote
    In time, I hope that in time the papers that spawn contribute to our community by educating and informing, as well as generating activity and discussion.
    The second "in time" here is redundant and should be removed.
    Quote
    and for our diplomatic partners there's the opportunity to publish their newspapers
    There should be a comma after "partners."
    Decree 007
    Quote
    that would could harm our region or even outright violate treaty if they were to be released.
    This should be either or, but not both.
    Quote
    and shall notifiy
    This should be "notify."
    Quote
    Once classified, a discussions classification status
    There should be an apostrophe in this word
    Decree 008
    Quote
    However, there is another category of founderless region out there
    This should be plural.
    Quote
    and shall notifiy
    "Notify" is spelled incorrectly here too.
    Decree 010
    Quote
    Historically, the Delegacy of Wintreath has been appointed by the Monarch as all members of the Riksråd are
    I think there should be a comma after "Monarch."
    Quote
    and shall notifiy
    I'm guessing this repeated error is due to copy and paste.
    Treaties
    The Rejected Realms - Wintreath Pact
    Quote
    the many syngergies we share as regions
    .
    This is misspelled and should be "synergies."
    Quote
    Both signatories agree to miltiary cooperation
    Should be "military."
    The Treaty of Friendship Between The Kingdom of Ainur and The Frozen Realm
    Quote
    A subordinate possession shall be defined as a region which a Party has either founded, refounded, or otherwise exercises control over through the subordinate possession's founder nation
    "exercises" should be "exorcised" because the rest of the list is in past tense, so it has to be in past tense too.
    Treaty of Friendship and Cultural Exchange Between International Northwestern Union and The Frozen Realm of Wintreath
    I noticed that "Party" was capitalized every time in the treaty with Ainur, but it's not capitalized at all in this treaty.
    The Covenant of Fellowship Between New Hyperion and Wintreath
    Quote
    internal laws seperate from the Suzerain
    This should be "separate."
    Quote
    29 October 2016,
    There should be a comma after "October".
    Quote
    This Treaty may be amended, through ratification by both the Vassal and the Suzerain, without termination of the Treaty./quote
    I'm not sure how this wasn't noticed, but there's a random "/quote" in the middle of it. (There were [] brackets around it, but I had to get rid of them in the quote so it didn't think I was ending my quote of it)
    Statutory Law
    The Citizenship and Demonym Act
    Quote
    if it feels the individual was an essential of member of the regional community
    "of" should be deleted.
    The Judicial Offices Act
    "Skrifa" is misspelled as "Skifra" Every single time it's used.
    Quote
    or to the Speaker of the Undehusen
    This is misspelled and should be "Underhusen."
    Quote
    In accordance with Section 3 (parts 1 and 2)
    Quote
    the Judicial Offices Act will enforce Section 3 [clause 1 and 2] of the Fundamental Laws.
    These two are inconsistent because they use different types of brackets and say both "clause" and "part."
    The Charax Romanov Act
    Quote
    3.1 Charax shall receive the Commendation of Wintreath for the following
    There should be a colon at the end of this.
    Quote
    3.1.1 Running the Foreign Affairs Department.
          3.1.2 Being a major Contributor to the Fundamental Laws
          3.1.3 Being the first Crown Prince of Wintreath
    When making a list like this, you need to be consistent as to whether or not to have punctuation at the end of each list item.
    Code of Criminal Laws
    Quote
    8. Statute of Limitation on this Act
    This is the only section that doesn't have a period at the end of it, which is inconsistent.
    The Definition of Public Act
    Quote
    1. This shall be titled the Definition of Public Act
    There should be a period at the end of this sentence.
    Overhusen Procedure
    Procedural Rules of the Overhusen Act
    Quote
    4. When voting, Overhusen members may cast one or the following votes on proposals:
    This should be "of."
    Quote
    a. The Chairperson of the Overhusen shall have the authority hold a vote open after the outcome has been declared, up to 7 days of the vote being introduced.
    The word "to" should be after "authority."
    Procedural Rules of the Overhusen Amendment I
    Quote
    1.1 This shall be titled Procedural Rules of the Overhusen Amendment I
    There should be a period at the end of this sentence.
    Quote
    2.1 This shall add section 10 which shall read:

    The Chairman of the Overhusen, or Acting Chairman if he/she is in use, shall keep an easily accessible archive of all former and current votes in a way that he/she chooses that all citizens shall have access to.  In the event that the Chairman is unable to keep the archive up to date regularly, they may, at the approval of the Monarch or Regent, appoint a current citizen of Wintreath to assist them.
    This wasn't actually added to the Procedural Rules of the Overhusen, and it should have been.
    Underhusen Procedure
    The Procedural Rules of the Underhusen Act
    Quote
    (b) A motion to Extend Debate may include a time period shorter or longer than 48 hours, but is not shorter than 4 hours and is not longer than 1 weeks
    This should not be plural.
    Quote
    Abstain, indicating that the representative is voting neither in favor of or against
    This should be "nor."
    Quote
    The Speaker may close a vote, but leave the record open to allow other Skrifa to record their votes.
    There should not be a comma in this sentence.
    Quote
    The Speaker pro tempore, whenever he or she is presiding over the Underhusen, shall assume all of the responsibilities of the Speaker as listed in relevant law, and shall be subject to the same constitutional and statutory restraints placed upon the Speaker.
    The comma before "and" should be omitted.
    Quote
    The Speaker (or standing Speaker) may deem members of the Underhusen "inactive" if they are not present for a prolonged period of time, this status can be ignored if supplanted by either the "inactive" member stating they are no longer inactive in the Underhusen or by majority vote of all current Skrifa.
    This comma should be a period.
    Quote
    During this suspension no proposals may be introduced, motioned on, or voted on in the Underhusen.
    There should be a comma after "suspension."
    All Underhusen Seating Acts
    There is apparently no format used for all of these acts and they're all formatted differently and named differently. It got better in the last three Seating Acts, but one of them had quotation marks while the other two had italicized words. These could be fixed, but it's probably better to just have a set format in the future.

    Also, every single Underhusen Seating Act does not capitalize "act" where it says "This act shall be entitled..."
    My Suggested Underhusen Seating Act format for the future
    Title
    1. This Act shall be entitled the Underhusen Seats for the [Underhusen number] Storting Act.

    Seating
    2. The number of Skrifa in the [Underhusen number] session of the Underhusen shall be [seat number] (seat number).
    (Notice how there's a space before the parenthesis)
    Procedural Rules of the Underhusen Amendments
    There are two "Procedural Rules of the Underhusen Amendment VI" amendments.
    There is also no ninth amendment.

    That concludes my report on the grammar errors in the Laws of Wintreath (*phew* :P).

    If anyone wants to give me feedback on this (*cough cough* @taulover), feel free to do so. I'll leave this here for awhile to wait for feedback and discussion, then I'll try to actually get these errors fixed.

    P.S. There are some Oxford Comma errors, and I don't know if I should include those. I really like the Oxford Comma, but I don't know if it matters enough to include it here.
    3 people like this post: Gerrick, taulover, BraveSirRobin
    « Last Edit: June 08, 2017, 03:08:13 AM by Mathyland »
    Résumé

    Hogwarts NS:

    Co-WA Delegate: June 13, 2016-present
    Hufflepuff student: April 9, 2016-present
    House points earned: 7 (Also, 40 points were a group effort, so I earned part of that as well)
    Host of Death Eaters II

    Wintreath:

    Citizen: September 6, 2016-present

    Underhusen Terms
    The 21st Underhusen
    The 22nd Underhusen
    The 23rd Underhusen - secretary
    The 24th Underhusen
    The 25th Underhusen
    The 26th Underhusen
    The 27th Underhusen

    Other:

    NationStates nation: March 11, 2016-present

    [/i]
    Mathyland
    • Wintreath's Potato Archbishop and Official Grammar Police
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    Gerrick
  • Regional Stability Squad
  • Wow, nicely done. This must have taken a good chunk of time to do. And I also like the Oxford comma. I did notice one typo in your spoiler titles, though, not that they matter. :D
    2 people like this post: taulover, Mathyland

    Duke of Wintreath and Count of Janth
    Patriarch of the Noble House of Burdock
    Curriculum Vitae
    Citizen: 15 November 2015 - present
    Recruitment Contest Winner: December 2015
    Recruitment Contest Winner: January 2016
    Secretary of the 14th Underhusen: 8 February 2016 - 8 April 2016
    RP Guild Councillor: 9 February 2016 - 24 February 2017
    Recruitment Contest Winner: April 2016
    Wintreath's Finest: April 2016
    Ambassador to Nesapo: 5 July 2016 - 13 March 2017
    Jarl of Culture: 30 November 2016 - 13 September 2019
    Wintreath's Finest: November 2016
    Wintreath's Finest: February 2017
    Count of Janth: 17 September 2017 - present
    Patriarch of the Noble House of Burdock: 17 September 2017 - present
    Recruitment Contest Winner: September 2017
    Duke of Wintreath: 13 September 2019 - present
    Wintreath's Finest: September 2019
    Skrifa of the 37th Underhusen: 8 December 2019 - 8 February 2020
    Wintreath's Finest of the Year: 2019
    Commendation of Wintreath: 27 June 2020
    Citizens' Council Member: 14 September 2020 - 8 March 2021
    Skrifa of the 43rd Underhusen: 9 December 2020 - 8 February 2021 🔥

    Alder of the Riksraad: 7 June 2021 - 17 June 2021
    Jarl of Culture: 17 June 2021 - 14 November 2021
    Alder of the Riksraad: 14 November 2021 - 1 March 2022
    Regional Stability Squad: 27 February 2023 - present
    Gerrick
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    Mathyland
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  • *searches all spoiler titles for mistake and doesn't find it*

    I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?

    And it only took 6 months for me to get around to finally finishing it :D
    Résumé

    Hogwarts NS:

    Co-WA Delegate: June 13, 2016-present
    Hufflepuff student: April 9, 2016-present
    House points earned: 7 (Also, 40 points were a group effort, so I earned part of that as well)
    Host of Death Eaters II

    Wintreath:

    Citizen: September 6, 2016-present

    Underhusen Terms
    The 21st Underhusen
    The 22nd Underhusen
    The 23rd Underhusen - secretary
    The 24th Underhusen
    The 25th Underhusen
    The 26th Underhusen
    The 27th Underhusen

    Other:

    NationStates nation: March 11, 2016-present

    [/i]
    Mathyland
    • Wintreath's Potato Archbishop and Official Grammar Police
    • Posts: 2,937
    • Karma: 681
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    Crushita
  • Citizen
  • The Potato Pope
  • *searches all spoiler titles for mistake and doesn't find it*

    I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?

    And it only took 6 months for me to get around to finally finishing it :D

    Statutory law not Satuitory :P
    2 people like this post: Gerrick, taulover
    Spoiler
    Held Positions
    Wintreath
    Skirfa of the 12th, 17th, 18th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd, 25th, 26th, 27th and 29th Sessions of the Underhusen
    Former Thane of Information
    His Majesty's Court Pet
    Kingdom of Great Britain
    Former Privy Councilor
    Former Prime Minister of the Kingdom of Great Britain
    Former Deputy Prime Minister of the Kingdom of Great Britain x2
    Former Member of Parliament of the Kingdom of Great Britain x4
    Former Minister of Foreign Affairs of the Kingdom of Great Britain x2
    Former Lord of Parliament of the Kingdom of Great Britain x4
    Formerly His Royal Highness, the Viscount Telcontar of Whitby
    Ainur
    Former King of Ainur
    Former Minister of Culture of Ainur x2
    Former Minister of Foreign Affairs of Ainur x2
    Former Senator of Ainur x2
    Former Deputy Speaker of Ainur
    Other Regions
    Former Prime Minister of the British Isles
    Former Prime Minister of the New United Kingdom
    Former Culture Minister of the New United Kingdom
    Former Member of the Parliament of the Canadian Kingdom
    Former Privy Councillor in the Canadian Kingdom
    Former Member of Parliament of the United Kingdom
    [/center]
    • The Potato Pope
    Crushita
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    Mathyland
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  • *searches all spoiler titles for mistake and doesn't find it*

    I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?

    And it only took 6 months for me to get around to finally finishing it :D

    Statutory law not Satuitory :P
    I don't know what you're talking about; there's no error :D (totally)

    Edit: And I forgot to include this before: does anyone know if we can make a law that amends all laws with grammar mistakes? Becuase right now, all amendments just affect one law.
    2 people like this post: Gerrick, taulover
    « Last Edit: June 08, 2017, 03:25:25 AM by Mathyland »
    Résumé

    Hogwarts NS:

    Co-WA Delegate: June 13, 2016-present
    Hufflepuff student: April 9, 2016-present
    House points earned: 7 (Also, 40 points were a group effort, so I earned part of that as well)
    Host of Death Eaters II

    Wintreath:

    Citizen: September 6, 2016-present

    Underhusen Terms
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    Other:

    NationStates nation: March 11, 2016-present

    [/i]
    Mathyland
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    Chanku
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  • *searches all spoiler titles for mistake and doesn't find it*

    I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?

    And it only took 6 months for me to get around to finally finishing it :D

    Statutory law not Satuitory :P
    I don't know what you're talking about; there's no error :D (totally)

    Edit: And I forgot to include this before: does anyone know if we can make a law that amends all laws with grammar mistakes? Becuase right now, all amendments just affect one law.
    It's questionable, especially because you would be including the Fundamental Laws with that. So I would argue it should be split between multiple bills, at the very least two.
    2 people like this post: taulover, Mathyland
    See you later space cowboy.
    Old Signature

     
    Current Positions in Wintreath
    Matriarch of House Kaizer
    Speaker of the 29th Underhusen
    Advisor to the Riksråd
    Positions I've held
    Riksrad(1st Jarl of Information, 3rd Jarl of Foreign Affairs, 2nd Jarl of Defense)
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    taulover
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  • I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?
    I can see, considering that neologism you just made. :P
    *searches all spoiler titles for mistake and doesn't find it*

    I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?

    And it only took 6 months for me to get around to finally finishing it :D

    Statutory law not Satuitory :P
    I don't know what you're talking about; there's no error :D (totally)

    Edit: And I forgot to include this before: does anyone know if we can make a law that amends all laws with grammar mistakes? Becuase right now, all amendments just affect one law.
    It's questionable, especially because you would be including the Fundamental Laws with that. So I would argue it should be split between multiple bills, at the very least two.
    I'd say we'd need more than two:

    1. Statutory Law
    2. Constitutional Law, since that needs to go through the referendum process
    3. Royal Decrees, because only Wintermoot can amend those
    4. Overhusen Procedure, as the Overhusen would need to do that themselves
    5. Underhusen Procedure, as the Underhusen would need to do that themselves
    6+. Treaties, as these would need to be negotiated separately with the respective parties, so I'm not sure that would be worth the hassle
    1 person likes this post: BraveSirRobin
    Résumé
    Wintreath:
    Citizen: 8 April 2015 - present
    From the Ashes RP Game Master: 29 November 2015 - 24 July 2018
    Skydande Vakt Marshal: 29 November 2015 - 28 February 2017
    Skrifa of the 13th Underhusen: 13 December 2015 - 8 February 2016
    RP Guild Councillor: 9 February 2016 - 6 March 2018
    Ambassador to Lovely: 23 February 2016 - 17 August 2016
    Werewolf VII co-host: 11 May 2016 - 5 June 2016
    Skrifa of the 18th Underhusen: 8 October 2016 - 7 December 2016
    Ambassador to Balder: 1 December 2016 - 1 March 2022
    Skrifa of the 19th Underhusen: 7 December 2016 - 9 February 2017
    Ambassador to the INWU: 11 March 2017 - 1 March 2022
    Ambassador to the Versutian Federation: 18 August 2017 - 22 March 2018
    Thane of Integration: 29 September 2017 - 7 March 2018
    Speaker of the 24th Underhusen: 10 October 2017 - 7 December 2017
    October 2017 Wintreath's Finest: 4 November 2017
    Speaker pro tempore of the 25th Underhusen: 9 December 2017 - 7 February 2018
    Wintreath's Finest of 2017: 6 January 2018
    Werewolf XIV host: 20 January 2018 - 23 February 2018
    February 2018 Wintreath's Finest: 5 March 2018
    Thane of Embassy Dispatches / Foreign Releases and Information / Foreign Dispatches: 7 March 2018 - 15 March 2020
    Speaker of the 28th Underhusen: 10 June 2018 - 7 August 2018
    Second Patriarch of the Noble House of Valeria: 10 October 2018 - present
    Arena Game 6 Host: 28 December 2018 - 9 March 2019
    Librarian of the Underhusen: 29 January 2019 - 12 February 2019
    Speaker of the 32nd Underhusen: 12 February 2019 - 8 April 2019
    March 2019 Wintreath's Finest: 4 April 2019
    Librarian of the Underhusen: 12 April 2019 - 23 October 2020
    Commendation of Wintreath: 24 September 2020
    Peer of the Overhusen: 9 December 2020 - 8 February 2021
    Vice Chancellor of the Landsraad: 26 May 2021 - 15 September 2022
    Arena Game 8 Host: 10 June 2021 - 19 July 2021
    June 2021 Wintreath's Finest: 5 July 2021
    Regional Stability Squad: 28 February 2023 - present
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    Aura Hyperia/New Hyperion:
    Plebeian: 16 April 2014 - 21 July 2014
    Patrician: 21 July 2014 - present
    Adeptus Mechanicus: 24 October 2014 - 16 November 2014
    Co-founder of New Hyperion: 29 October 2014 - present
    Lord of Propaganda: 16 November 2014 - present
    Mapmaker for Official Region RP: 27 November 2015 - present
    WACom Delegate: 11 November 2017 - present
    Other positions: Hyperian Guardsman, Hyperian Marine (Rank: Scout)
    taulover
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    Chanku
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  • I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?
    I can see, considering that neologism you just made. :P
    *searches all spoiler titles for mistake and doesn't find it*

    I'm all grammared out today. What's the mistake?

    And it only took 6 months for me to get around to finally finishing it :D

    Statutory law not Satuitory :P
    I don't know what you're talking about; there's no error :D (totally)

    Edit: And I forgot to include this before: does anyone know if we can make a law that amends all laws with grammar mistakes? Becuase right now, all amendments just affect one law.
    It's questionable, especially because you would be including the Fundamental Laws with that. So I would argue it should be split between multiple bills, at the very least two.
    I'd say we'd need more than two:

    1. Statutory Law
    2. Constitutional Law, since that needs to go through the referendum process
    3. Royal Decrees, because only Wintermoot can amend those
    4. Overhusen Procedure, as the Overhusen would need to do that themselves
    5. Underhusen Procedure, as the Underhusen would need to do that themselves
    6+. Treaties, as these would need to be negotiated separately with the respective parties, so I'm not sure that would be worth the hassle
    I mean it could be argued that the Storting has the authority to modify decrees, BUT I would heavily advise against that as the outcome would be a much weaker Storting.
    See you later space cowboy.
    Old Signature

     
    Current Positions in Wintreath
    Matriarch of House Kaizer
    Speaker of the 29th Underhusen
    Advisor to the Riksråd
    Positions I've held
    Riksrad(1st Jarl of Information, 3rd Jarl of Foreign Affairs, 2nd Jarl of Defense)
    Member of the WHR
    Speaker of the Underhusen (3rd)
    Speaker Pro Tempore of the Underhusen (1st)
    Underhusen Member (1st-3rd)
    Member of the 5th Overhusen
    Chairman of the 5th Overhusen
    6th Underhusen
    Speaker of the 6th Underhusen
    Mandate Holder for Jarl of Defense
    Member of the 8th Storting (Underhusen)
    Royalty of Wintreath
    Ambassador for the Department of Foreign Affairs.
    Underhusen Terms I've been a part of
    1st Underhusen
    2nd Underhusen
    3rd Underhusen
    6th Underhusen
    8th Underhusen
    Overhusen Terms I've been a part of
    5th Overhusen
    Families I've been a part of
    Kaizer - Matriarch (REFORMED)
    Kestar - Child of Wintermoot (REMOVED)
    Chanku
    taulover
  • Regional Stability Squad
  • Seeker of Knowledge
  • And now to provide some commentary on your report:
    Constitutional Law
    The Royal Titles and Styles Act
    Quote
    5. Jarls of Wintreath shall be titled His/Her Lordship and addressed as Your Lordship.
    These should really be "Lordship/Ladyship."
    Arguably not; "Lord" is occasionally used as a title for females. So we should probably have a discussion on this before amending it as a typo.
    The Royal Titles and Styles Act
    Quote
    8. The Preamble of the Fundamental Laws of Wintreath shall be amended to read as follows;
    This should be a colon.
    Declassification Amendment Act
    Quote
    3.  Section 4 shall be added to the Declassification of Private Storting Discussion Procedure Act, and it shall read:
    "Any powers given to the Speaker or Chairman by this act will also be given to the Speaker Pro Tempore and Acting Chairman if they are empowered by their respective Procedural Rules.
    This is missing the ending quotation marks.
    Amending amendments... somehow I find this nitpicking both satisfying and amusing. :D
    Royal Decrees
    Decree 005
    Quote
    so that if and when we adopt into it it will be clear to everybody what roles, if any, they will be taking on.
    There should be a comma between the two "it"s.
    That's a style choice. I'd recommend the comma for clarity, but that's not entirely necessary.
    Decree 006
    Quote
    For our Citizens and residents there's the opportunity to become better informed or to become part of an independent newspaper, and for our diplomatic partners there's the opportunity to publish their newspapers
    There should be a comma after "partners."
    (italics have been added by myself to provide more context)

    Again a style choice. In this case I'd actually recommend against making the change, as it would break parallelism with the full statement, and as the sentence is clear enough as it is.
    Decree 010
    Quote
    Historically, the Delegacy of Wintreath has been appointed by the Monarch as all members of the Riksråd are, an arrangement which made perfect sense when only the Delegate and the Founder could hold authority over the region.
    I think there should be a comma after "Monarch."
    (italics have been added by myself to provide more context)

    Similar style choice here; given the context of the rest of the sentence, I think having no comma flows better in this case.

    Introductions to Royal Decrees are more essays/speeches than anything else, so having/missing commas isn't too important in this case IMO, as intended style is probably more important.
    Treaties
    The Treaty of Friendship Between The Kingdom of Ainur and The Frozen Realm
    Quote
    A subordinate possession shall be defined as a region which a Party has either founded, refounded, or otherwise exercises control over through the subordinate possession's founder nation
    "exercises" should be "exorcised" because the rest of the list is in past tense, so it has to be in past tense too.
    This treaty just got repealed, so no need to fix this one. :D Speaking of which, I'm pretty sure our new Speaker (or our current Speaker, @BraveSirRobin, for that matter), is responsible for maintaining the archive, so the repeal law should probably be added in and the treaty struck out. Or is @Wintermoot responsible? Don't exactly remember.

    And also you don't exorcise nations, at least not in NS. :P
    Treaty of Friendship and Cultural Exchange Between International Northwestern Union and The Frozen Realm of Wintreath
    I noticed that "Party" was capitalized every time in the treaty with Ainur, but it's not capitalized at all in this treaty.
    Treaties generally don't have consistent style because of the different regions, authors, etc. writing them.
    The Covenant of Fellowship Between New Hyperion and Wintreath
    Quote
    29 October 2016,
    There should be a comma after "October".
    Nope. This is the British/European/US military/MLA style. It's either the US style, "October 29, 2016" (with a comma), or the British style, "29 October 2016" (without a comma).
    The Covenant of Fellowship Between New Hyperion and Wintreath
    Quote
    This Treaty may be amended, through ratification by both the Vassal and the Suzerain, without termination of the Treaty./quote
    I'm not sure how this wasn't noticed, but there's a random "/quote" in the middle of it. (There were [] brackets around it, but I had to get rid of them in the quote so it didn't think I was ending my quote of it)
    This is a copy/paste error to the archive from the Overhusen voting thread. Notice that next statement:
    Quote
    Peers may vote Aye, Nay, or may Abstain from voting.
    Our Underhusen Speaker (@BraveSirRobin) can probably fix that error now.
    Statutory Law
    Everything looks good here (now that you've fixed the title :P).
    Overhusen Procedure
    Procedural Rules of the Overhusen Amendment I
    Quote
    2.1 This shall add section 10 which shall read:

    The Chairman of the Overhusen, or Acting Chairman if he/she is in use, shall keep an easily accessible archive of all former and current votes in a way that he/she chooses that all citizens shall have access to.  In the event that the Chairman is unable to keep the archive up to date regularly, they may, at the approval of the Monarch or Regent, appoint a current citizen of Wintreath to assist them.
    This wasn't actually added to the Procedural Rules of the Overhusen, and it should have been.
    The archive is actually outdated in this case; there's also been a Procedural Rules Amendment II. The most up-to-date version can be found in the Overhusen forum. I'm not sure who's supposed to update this, @Wuufu perhaps? Or the Underhusen speaker (@BraveSirRobin)?

    I would also like to point out an inconsistency in the updated version of the Procedural Rules: both Chairperson and Chairman are used, which is somewhat strange.
    Underhusen Procedure
    The Procedural Rules of the Underhusen Act
    Quote
    The Speaker may close a vote, but leave the record open to allow other Skrifa to record their votes.
    There should not be a comma in this sentence.
    Quote
    The Speaker pro tempore, whenever he or she is presiding over the Underhusen, shall assume all of the responsibilities of the Speaker as listed in relevant law, and shall be subject to the same constitutional and statutory restraints placed upon the Speaker.
    The comma before "and" should be omitted.
    I'm pretty sure this is the agreed-upon rule for commas (by many/most conventions), so I would make the change, but am not particularly concerned either way. (hehehe I used a comma there)
    The Procedural Rules of the Underhusen Act
    Quote
    The Speaker (or standing Speaker) may deem members of the Underhusen "inactive" if they are not present for a prolonged period of time, this status can be ignored if supplanted by either the "inactive" member stating they are no longer inactive in the Underhusen or by majority vote of all current Skrifa.
    This comma should be a period.
    Or a semicolon. Or a conjunction.
    The Procedural Rules of the Underhusen Act
    Quote
    During this suspension no proposals may be introduced, motioned on, or voted on in the Underhusen.
    There should be a comma after "suspension."
    I'd argue that this is a style choice, though I personally would put a comma.
    All Underhusen Seating Acts
    There is apparently no format used for all of these acts and they're all formatted differently and named differently. It got better in the last three Seating Acts, but one of them had quotation marks while the other two had italicized words. These could be fixed, but it's probably better to just have a set format in the future.

    Also, every single Underhusen Seating Act does not capitalize "act" where it says "This act shall be entitled..."
    My Suggested Underhusen Seating Act format for the future
    Title
    1. This Act shall be entitled the Underhusen Seats for the [Underhusen number] Storting Act.

    Seating
    2. The number of Skrifa in the [Underhusen number] session of the Underhusen shall be [seat number] (seat number).
    (Notice how there's a space before the parenthesis)
    Inconsistent style is an issue across all Wintreath law, not just the Seating Acts.
    Procedural Rules of the Underhusen Amendments
    There are two "Procedural Rules of the Underhusen Amendment VI" amendments.
    I think you mean that the first "VI" should be a "IV." I guess @BraveSirRobin could fix that?
    Procedural Rules of the Underhusen Amendments
    There is also no ninth amendment.
    I believe that "Structural Amendments" was treated as Amendment IX (much as "Omnibus Amendments" was treated as Amendment I).
    That concludes my report on the grammar errors in the Laws of Wintreath (*phew* :P).

    If anyone wants to give me feedback on this (*cough cough* @taulover), feel free to do so. I'll leave this here for awhile to wait for feedback and discussion, then I'll try to actually get these errors fixed.

    P.S. There are some Oxford Comma errors, and I don't know if I should include those. I really like the Oxford Comma, but I don't know if it matters enough to include it here.
    So I've just spent over an hour and a half going over your report... As Gerrick said, this must've taken forever to do. Despite my nitpickings, overall this is a very nice and thorough check of Wintrean law.

    I like Oxford commas, but I see no need to add them, as it's right either way.

    Also, considering all the comma nitpickings, I highly recommend reading the New Yorker piece "Confessions of a Comma Queen." Overall just a fun read about grammar, style, and copyediting.
    2 people like this post: Mathyland, BraveSirRobin
    Résumé
    Wintreath:
    Citizen: 8 April 2015 - present
    From the Ashes RP Game Master: 29 November 2015 - 24 July 2018
    Skydande Vakt Marshal: 29 November 2015 - 28 February 2017
    Skrifa of the 13th Underhusen: 13 December 2015 - 8 February 2016
    RP Guild Councillor: 9 February 2016 - 6 March 2018
    Ambassador to Lovely: 23 February 2016 - 17 August 2016
    Werewolf VII co-host: 11 May 2016 - 5 June 2016
    Skrifa of the 18th Underhusen: 8 October 2016 - 7 December 2016
    Ambassador to Balder: 1 December 2016 - 1 March 2022
    Skrifa of the 19th Underhusen: 7 December 2016 - 9 February 2017
    Ambassador to the INWU: 11 March 2017 - 1 March 2022
    Ambassador to the Versutian Federation: 18 August 2017 - 22 March 2018
    Thane of Integration: 29 September 2017 - 7 March 2018
    Speaker of the 24th Underhusen: 10 October 2017 - 7 December 2017
    October 2017 Wintreath's Finest: 4 November 2017
    Speaker pro tempore of the 25th Underhusen: 9 December 2017 - 7 February 2018
    Wintreath's Finest of 2017: 6 January 2018
    Werewolf XIV host: 20 January 2018 - 23 February 2018
    February 2018 Wintreath's Finest: 5 March 2018
    Thane of Embassy Dispatches / Foreign Releases and Information / Foreign Dispatches: 7 March 2018 - 15 March 2020
    Speaker of the 28th Underhusen: 10 June 2018 - 7 August 2018
    Second Patriarch of the Noble House of Valeria: 10 October 2018 - present
    Arena Game 6 Host: 28 December 2018 - 9 March 2019
    Librarian of the Underhusen: 29 January 2019 - 12 February 2019
    Speaker of the 32nd Underhusen: 12 February 2019 - 8 April 2019
    March 2019 Wintreath's Finest: 4 April 2019
    Librarian of the Underhusen: 12 April 2019 - 23 October 2020
    Commendation of Wintreath: 24 September 2020
    Peer of the Overhusen: 9 December 2020 - 8 February 2021
    Vice Chancellor of the Landsraad: 26 May 2021 - 15 September 2022
    Arena Game 8 Host: 10 June 2021 - 19 July 2021
    June 2021 Wintreath's Finest: 5 July 2021
    Regional Stability Squad: 28 February 2023 - present
    Minecraft Server Admin: 8 March 2023 - present

    Aura Hyperia/New Hyperion:
    Plebeian: 16 April 2014 - 21 July 2014
    Patrician: 21 July 2014 - present
    Adeptus Mechanicus: 24 October 2014 - 16 November 2014
    Co-founder of New Hyperion: 29 October 2014 - present
    Lord of Propaganda: 16 November 2014 - present
    Mapmaker for Official Region RP: 27 November 2015 - present
    WACom Delegate: 11 November 2017 - present
    Other positions: Hyperian Guardsman, Hyperian Marine (Rank: Scout)
    taulover
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